love issue(s)

[bUrIaL]

ram ram,
i know i am new here, but i currently came face to face with a common issue we all have when we are young. a LOVE issue. sometime along the beginning of last year, i met a woman at my local mandir (temple), at first we were not attracted to eachother until we were assigned to monitor a project taking place at the mandir. after spending so much time together, almost twice a week and 7 hours per day, we becam slightly attracted to eachother. she would often bring me food and i would bring her things as well. we would conversate for hours. we were inseperable....until, one day she she left for a week. and when she returned she wouldnt talk to me and now we barely talk, its been like this for 5 months now. i dont know if i should even tell her how i feel about her. when we spent time together, i didnt want to wreck what we might have felt for eachother. however now, i dont want to lose her. she is a friend to me. what shud i do???
dont be afraid to be blunt about it. i need the truth!

[Znanna]

Welcome, Burial,

In my opinion, it is better to *do* relationships than to *talk about* them.

In other words, if you conduct yourself in a manner where this girl wants to be around you, you will attract her attention.



ZN

[bUrIaL]

Welcome, Burial,

In my opinion, it is better to *do* relationships than to *talk about* them.

In other words, if you conduct yourself in a manner where this girl wants to be around you, you will attract her attention.



ZN

well sayd, its exactly what i was considering doing. i feel if i keep up the good work rather than make an approach, it says alot more. things may change if i approach her with the subject becuz then she will know how i feel and see every kind act towards her as an attempt to gain her affection. "actions speak louder than words" indeed.

anyone with an oposite opinion???

[Zardozi]

Namaste Jae,
My best recomendation for you would be to get yourself a box of jelly chocolates and chow down while watching Indian B4U Kadak television for a period of 3 hours.


:)
Zardozi

[bUrIaL]

Do you know what changed? Are you afraid she is offended or upset with you? Or is she just naturally away from you more during the course of the days because of other responsibilities?

im not sure, supposedly it has something to do with my age. im turning 20 and shes alittle older than i am.

[bUrIaL]

Namaste Jae,
My best recomendation for you would be to get yourself a box of jelly chocolates and chow down while watching Indian B4U Kadak television for a period of 3 hours.


:)
Zardozi

uh......okie...why?
i dont watch much tv

[sm78]

we were inseperable....until, one day she she left for a week. and when she returned she wouldnt talk to me and now we barely talk... i need the truth!

U sure pal she did not go for a week to meet her boy-friend ??

sorry, for being insensitive (that i am anyway) ... but sounds like a possibility from u'r post.

[bUrIaL]

U sure pal she did not go for a week to meet her boy-friend ??

sorry, for being insensitive (that i am anyway) ... but sounds like a possibility from u'r post.

nah she told me, she doesnt have one, still waiting for that right guy!

[bUrIaL]

Well, you know all the nuances of your situation the best & I would say follow your intuition. If most of your feelings and thoughts about this were kept quiet while things were going well, I would not approach her, but just keep being her friend. The reason is nothing was really ever decided and maybe she always felt friendship. So, to confront her with deeper feelings may push her away.

If you two had talked about your feelings or had an understanding of feelings more than friendship, I would suggest talking with her, but hands off, easy going. Maybe something happened that just needs to be talked about. If you never offer an avenue to resolve a possible issue, you may even lose a friendship over a misunderstanding.

Regardless, the less said, less pressure the better, which sounds like you know. If you still want just a friendship for sure.

Okay, that is my love advice! :)

u'v made the most powerful points in here. i agree with u. i havnt been to temple since november 06. so im gune be back in next week if all flows smoothly. hopefully shell be happy to see me again. i know ill be happy to see her. but im guna keep shut and maintain a friendship level to see what happens yaar!

[atanu]

u'v made the most powerful points in here. i agree with u. i havnt been to temple since november 06. so im gune be back in next week if all flows smoothly. hopefully shell be happy to see me again. i know ill be happy to see her. but im guna keep shut and maintain a friendship level to see what happens yaar!


A grave issue. Probably throws some light on why you chose such a name for yourself?

hehe. But, I understand your predicament. It is Lord's fault that He makes men go weak at knee. Why don't you request the Lord of the temple to intervene on your behalf?

Best Wishes.

[bUrIaL]

A grave issue. Probably throws some light on why you chose such a name for yourself?

hehe. But, I understand your predicament. It is Lord's fault that He makes men go weak at knee. Why don't you request the Lord of the temple to intervene on your behalf?

Best Wishes.

havent been back at temple since november 06. but will do. hopefully i shud be back this sundy.

and yep thats what the name represents! lol

[saidevo]

Namaste bUrIaL,

How different is the onset of a love affair in real life from what is shown in the reel life of Hindi and Tamil movies!

Choose your flowery arrows of permutation and combination to aim at the Lady and the Lord with care, Cupid. Be careful though that you do not tell her about your username! Or have you told her already?

As it happens often: "A marriage is where the woman gains her Master's degree and the man loses his Bachelor's degree."

I am not discouraging you, though. All the best.

[atanu]

Namaste bUrIaL,

-----As it happens often: "A marriage is where the woman gains her Master's degree and the man loses his Bachelor's degree."

I am not discouraging you, though. All the best.

hehe. The man is even ready to lose the school cerificate, then it becomes too late.

There is a small story.

An ant married an elephant and they had a glorious night. Unforunately, the elephant expired in the morning. The ant started digging the grave and sighed: "One night of passion and I have to dig the grave forever".

[saidevo]

Namaste Atanu,


hehe. The man is even ready to lose the school cerificate, then it becomes too late.

There is a small story.

An ant married an elephant and they had a glorious night. Unforunately, the elephant expired in the morning. The ant started digging the grave and sighed: "One night of passion and I have to dig the grave forever".

This is too good, Atanu! But then let us not discourage our young Cupid here with references to grave digging when his own user name has enough of it!

Just kidding, my young friend, (whatever-the-name-behind) bUrIaL, don't mistake me. I fully sympathize with you and the situation you are in (emphathizing is dangerous here!) and all the best for your efforts.

If I were you, I would prefer to have a straight talk, because I should also know about getting out of love just as I knew about getting into love. She deserves you as much as you think you deserve her. ;)

When everything else is so fast and changing in this twenty-first century life, love alone has its own pace and way!

[bUrIaL]

Namaste bUrIaL,

How different is the onset of a love affair in real life from what is shown in the reel life of Hindi and Tamil movies!

Choose your flowery arrows of permutation and combination to aim at the Lady and the Lord with care, Cupid. Be careful though that you do not tell her about your username! Or have you told her already?

As it happens often: "A marriage is where the woman gains her Master's degree and the man loses his Bachelor's degree."

I am not discouraging you, though. All the best.

i havent told her already. and thanx

[bUrIaL]

Namaste Atanu,



This is too good, Atanu! But then let us not discourage our young Cupid here with references to grave digging when his own user name has enough of it!

Just kidding, my young friend, (whatever-the-name-behind) bUrIaL, don't mistake me. I fully sympathize with you and the situation you are in (emphathizing is dangerous here!) and all the best for your efforts.

If I were you, I would prefer to have a straight talk, because I should also know about getting out of love just as I knew about getting into love. She deserves you as much as you think you deserve her. ;)

When everything else is so fast and changing in this twenty-first century life, love alone has its own pace and way!

thanx, no offense taken. its cool to be able to discuss a deep issue yet still have a good laugh at it.

[saidevo]

Physical infatuation is not love, for sure.

However....working in nursing homes, I have seen the rare couples that have been in love for fifty, sixty years, still cherishing each other and have no strife. I would say this is about 3% of marriages ;), but it is beautiful to see. When the bodies are broken and frail, and you still see that youthful love in their eyes.
...

But, it is very rare. Hold out for true soul friendship Burial! That is everlasting, whether you ever marry or call each other "mine". ;)


A Banyan Family Tree

My maternal grandparents held their dAMpatya (conjugality) for over seventy years! The husband lived to see his hundredth year and the wife passed away as a sumangali (while in the service of her husband) when she was over ninety.

My grandfather was a school teacher for over 40 years and obtained his government pension after retirement, for over 40 years! His family was a large one, with 6 daughters and 4 sons. He never borrowed a single rupee for performing the marriage of his six daughters, but saved out of his middle class income like the ants save grains for raindy days. Of course, his eldest son supported the family and got himself married only after three of his sisters were married. All the marriages were arranged and highly successful.

At the time of his demise, my grandfather had 11 grandsons, 12 granddaughters and 8 great grandchilden. His children lovingly celebrated their parents' 60th birthday, 80th birthday, and then performed a kanakAbhiSekam (ablution using gold coins) when their father was over ninety. A large group photo was taken on his 80th birthday. Today, sadly, the family growth among the present generation of his children and grandchildren is only by two or even one child(ren).

Since I was the eldest (maternal) grandson, two of my uncles and an aunt were younger to me! Another aunt was just a year older than me and we studied together in school and college in the same class. A funny situation arose when a son of a younger uncle wondered how his father's nephew could be elder to him!

At the age of fifty-five today, I have 11 cousin brothers and 12 cousin sisters. My wife and I are in affectionate touch with everyone of them and their family. My marriage was attended by ALL the family members ranging in age from a two-year-old kid up to my 79-year-old grandfather.

This was a typical situation with most Hindu families in those days. No wonder that Sanatana Dharma has always been and will ever be a religion of the family, where mAtru devo bhava; pitru devo bhava; Acharya devo bhava; atithi devo bhava (the mother, father, teacher and the guest become God); and annaiyum pitavum munnari deivam (the father and mother are the first-known gods).

[bUrIaL]

Physical infatuation is not love, for sure.

However....working in nursing homes, I have seen the rare couples that have been in love for fifty, sixty years, still cherishing each other and have no strife. I would say this is about 3% of marriages ;), but it is beautiful to see. When the bodies are broken and frail, and you still see that youthful love in their eyes.

One man would walk to the kitchen to get his wife snacks every morning. She was severely disabled and he was not much better! It took him 20 minutes and was difficult for him but he would not let anyone else do it. They doted on each other. Sweet! I loved visiting their room because they would teach you so much about selflessness. You could feel such a peace in their room. I have a million little things I have witnessed between the very old and frail couples that have moved me to tears.

But, it is very rare. Hold out for true soul friendship Burial! That is everlasting, whether you ever marry or call each other "mine". ;)

my infatuation was not physical at all and then after being around her so much i fell in love with her and i still am after a whole year of ups and downs. i am supposed to go back to temple, for the first time since november, this sundy, but i dont think i can.

[saidevo]

Namaste MG and bUrIaL,


Saidevo, I have a similar situation. My Dad was the youngest of eight children, and I was the youngest of five children. So, my sister was almost 18 when I was born. And, my Grandma was in her late 80s! My niece was in high school with me and she liked to yell, "Hi Aunt". I have all sorts of cousins, also. My Grandma lived to be 97 and my aunts and uncles are either approaching 90 or over.

But, I digress.........

It is exhilarating to read about such family saga. Jokes apart, the main point that I wanted to covey to Shri bUrIaL was that if love between a couple planning to get married or trying to know each other could also include the family circle (or rather family spiral), the marriage and the relationships would be stronger and last longer. While the happiness of the involved couple is the utmost consideration, it should also percolate up the family tree hierarchy for the good wishes and blessings of everyone.

I am glad that bUrIaL has taken my jokes in the right sense, staying cool and steady. I wish and pray that he gets the best woman who is also the most desrious as his life partner for a lasting relationship. All the best, bUrIaL.

[bUrIaL]

Burial, I did was not implying your feelings were physical at all. That is the bad thing about email-it can be taken wrong. I was just saying, in general and going along with the jokes above about bad marriages.

I know how strong those feelings can be, so just be easy on yourself and try to stay focused on everything good. If she feels the same, hopefully you will be able to tell. And, if she does not, hopefully you can keep the friendship.

Hang in there and let us know how things go!

i know its okie, i understood u. i just saying

[bUrIaL]

Namaste MG and bUrIaL,



It is exhilarating to read about such family saga. Jokes apart, the main point that I wanted to covey to Shri bUrIaL was that if love between a couple planning to get married or trying to know each other could also include the family circle (or rather family spiral), the marriage and the relationships would be stronger and last longer. While the happiness of the involved couple is the utmost consideration, it should also percolate up the family tree hierarchy for the good wishes and blessings of everyone.

I am glad that bUrIaL has taken my jokes in the right sense, staying cool and steady. I wish and pray that he gets the best woman who is also the most desrious as his life partner for a lasting relationship. All the best, bUrIaL.

thanx gals and guys. im just trying to take it one day at a time. hopefully if its meant to be, things will slowing but surely pan out for the best. we'll see.
anyone have any past experiences or stories they would like or dont mind sharing???

[atanu]

thanx, no offense taken. its cool to be able to discuss a deep issue yet still have a good laugh at it.

Yes dear young friend,

Apart from the joke, which was to give you a perspective only, which is that love has pain also. You have all of our best wishes. May you succeed and have only love.

Just wanted to tell you that when I was of your age, I would have had peace, if the knowledge that all love is actually the love of god, had come to me. Now I see Lord and its energy in every form. Keeping this in consciousness keeps the love perrenial, even under grave (pun intended) conditions.

Some people who have two grave (pun unintended) situations, not one, are very experienced.

Best Wishes.

[bUrIaL]

Yes dear young friend,

Apart from the joke, which was to give you a perspective only, which is that love has pain also. You have all of our best wishes. May you succeed and have only love.

Just wanted to tell you that when I was of your age, I would have had peace, if the knowledge that all love is actually the love of god, had come to me. Now I see Lord and its energy in every form. Keeping this in consciousness keeps the love perrenial, even under grave (pun intended) conditions.

Some people who have two grave (pun unintended) situations, not one, are very experienced.

Best Wishes.

thank all of u

[Zardozi]

Namaste


thanx gals and guys. im just trying to take it one day at a time. hopefully if its meant to be, things will slowing but surely pan out for the best. we'll see.


Well dont wait forever to find out. Life is short and time is running out and you are getting older. Happy Birthday!

Masti Nam,
Zardozi

[bUrIaL]

Namaste



Well dont wait forever to find out. Life is short and time is running out and you are getting older. Happy Birthday!

Masti Nam,
Zardozi

thanx, i turned 20 on the 2nd