PDA

View Full Version : Byproducts of Meditation



fem_phoenix1109
29 August 2013, 07:45 AM
Namaste,

I have been delving deeper into my meditation practice with much more consistency than I have in the past, and have been noticing some changes within - some very positive, some not so much.

On the positive side, I have noticed that I have become much more patient, tolerant, compassionate and content than I had been, without having to make a conscious effort to do so.

On the other side, lately I have been having lots of negative thoughts and memories surface, things that I haven't thought about in a very long time - various traumas and stuff of that sort. I've just been remembering these things and they are a lot more present in my consciousness than they have been in a long time, as I had thought I had gotten over them years ago. Could this be a byproduct of my meditation practice? My thought is that maybe things I had buried are surfacing because perhaps I'm not over them like I thought I was. Obviously I'm not over them as they are causing me some distress thinking about them lately. I even have these things come up in my dreams as well.

Sorry to ramble on about this, I hope it makes sense. I would very much appreciate any feedback on this. Also if anyone does have any suggestions on what to do with these unpleasant things that are surfacing I would appreciate that also.

As I am typing this I can't help but think of the churning of the ocean, and how the poison comes out first, before all of the gifts. Perhaps that is what is going on with my consciousness. So then I guess the question looking at it that way would be - how to let Lord Shiva drink up the poison for me?

Pranam.

brahma jijnasa
30 August 2013, 06:00 AM
Namaste

It seems that you have a bad saṃskāras (mental impressions).
Not long ago I wrote about it, see here: http://www.hindudharmaforums.com/showthread.php?p=106652#post106652

regards

Eastern Mind
30 August 2013, 08:00 AM
On the other side, lately I have been having lots of negative thoughts and memories surface, things that I haven't thought about in a very long time - various traumas and stuff of that sort. I've just been remembering these things and they are a lot more present in my consciousness than they have been in a long time, as I had thought I had gotten over them years ago. Could this be a byproduct of my meditation practice? My thought is that maybe things I had buried are surfacing because perhaps I'm not over them like I thought I was. Obviously I'm not over them as they are causing me some distress thinking about them lately. I even have these things come up in my dreams as well.



Vannakkam: This makes total sense to me as I've experienced it, and it's in my sampradaya's teachings. It's a reason we want to go slow too, as a lot of penance can bring up a lot ... so much it can become discouraging.

The key is to resolve these things through understanding them, not repressing them. I would recommend the technique of writing them down until you have a better grasp of what went on, and then burning it in a fireplace, as you visualise the attachment to it dissipate.

So it is fairly normal, I think, and you're fortunate that it's working to uncover these repressed thoughts. Otherwise they would be carried over to another life as seed karmas.

Aum Namasivaya

Jeffery D. Long
30 August 2013, 08:58 AM
Namaste!

I would echo what others have already said. Though not necessarily pleasant or easy, this is actually one of the greatest benefits of a serious meditation practice. And yes, it will eventually pass, particularly if you take on these "poisons" and address them as Eastern Mind has suggested.

I would additionally recommend seeking to discern a life lesson from each of these experiences. If a similar incident were to occur today, how would you handle it differently, with your deeper knowledge and the heightened wisdom and compassion that you have derived from your practice? I do not know if this will be helpful to you, but I sometimes imagine my present self going back in time to particularly unpleasant periods of my earlier life and resolving certain situations and responding to people with my current knowledge and maturity. Though it is only a mental exercise, I sometimes find that it transforms the experience, almost as if I had actually time traveled and changed the original incident.

There are other things, though, that may still be particularly painful, and we must humbly accept that we cannot yet explain them (nor should we try), but must, rather, patiently continue with our meditation practice, in the knowledge that the answers will eventually come.

Surrender it all at the lotus feet of the Lord and you will find your sense of inner peace and serenity increasing, and the negative feelings subsiding or blowing away like clouds on the breeze of the divine grace.

Necromancer
31 August 2013, 08:21 AM
Namaste.

As I was meditating tonight, I also felt something quite 'odd' and it relates somewhat.

I was going to make another thread for it, but here will do.

My meditation technique starts with putting on a really nice bhajan/kirtan, lighting a stick of Aurobindo Ashram Krishna Musk incense (which has a habit of inducing trance in me) and worshiping the "Master Yogi", Lord Shiva with it for a few minutes.

Then, I do about 10 minutes of gentle Yoga stretches and shaking out all the tensions before I sit down to meditate (after turning off CD player).

It takes about 10-15 minutes for the true 'meditative phase' to begin - when your conscious mind becomes submerged in your subconscious - you know, that stage where if you dive too deep in, you'll fall asleep automatically and if you don't dive deep enough, a fly in the same room will be enough to ensure your meditation sucks for the day...

Sometimes, there's a third, more scary/sinister feeling - when you feel like your mind is being dragged down into oblivion by a suffocating whirlpool of thought and you are mentally 'drowning'.

This will also occasionally lead into a full-blown anxiety attack for me, but tonight I decided to realise that for what it was and bring my awareness back to my breath and just watch my thoughts.

What thoughts? There was nothing there and I mean nothing - no sound, not even my own breath. It was like the eye of a cyclone - so peaceful and relaxing, but apart from that - nothing! No ecstatic bliss, no raising Kundalini, no Brahman or 'merging into anything' there was an absence of everything, yet there was nothing there 'filling' it.

It felt like one has a blank canvas/paper and art supplies, but no inspiration to paint anything on it.

I stayed like that for 15-20 minutes before bringing myself out of meditation.

I called it 'The Great Silence'.

Aum Namah Shivaya

fem_phoenix1109
31 August 2013, 01:38 PM
Namaste,

I want to thank everyone for the suggestions, and also for the link to the other thread, which completely addresses my questions.

Necromancer, it sounds like that was a very peaceful sitting. I do not have that much awareness during my practice yet. I am either constantly having to reign in my thoughts, or when I do manage to get to a place where they are reigned in, I almost worry that I fall asleep or something during those times, as I do not seem to have clarity or focus during those moments. Sometimes it goes by very fast, with no awareness, which is why I am afraid maybe I am dozing. I don't really feel drowsy after this though, so I'm not sure. I guess the key word in all of this (at least for me at this point) is meditation practice.

I too have felt the fear/anxiety that you have described! It's almost like I get stricken with terror at delving into whatever it is that I may be diving into. I usually just try to divert my attention away from that feeling and focus on the breath, or on Shiva, or a mantra.

Kind of off topic, but just a side note about something interesting I noticed with my meditation:
Lately I have been practicing gazing at my Shiva murti. I place it on a table at eye level facing me as I sit. I gaze at it and try to take the image into my mind, then after a while I close my eyes and try to retain the image in my mind. Sometimes it seems like too much detail to focus on at once though, so I just focus on the moon in his hair. I've actually been using this image in my yoga practice as well, during balances instead of focusing on a fixed point outside of myself to steady my gaze, I focus instead on Shiva's moon, which I can now see clearly in my mind. It has actually caused a drastic improvement in my balancing postures.

Necromancer
01 September 2013, 09:45 AM
Namaste,

I want to thank everyone for the suggestions, and also for the link to the other thread, which completely addresses my questions.

Necromancer, it sounds like that was a very peaceful sitting. I do not have that much awareness during my practice yet. I am either constantly having to reign in my thoughts, or when I do manage to get to a place where they are reigned in, I almost worry that I fall asleep or something during those times, as I do not seem to have clarity or focus during those moments. Sometimes it goes by very fast, with no awareness, which is why I am afraid maybe I am dozing. I don't really feel drowsy after this though, so I'm not sure. I guess the key word in all of this (at least for me at this point) is meditation practice.

I too have felt the fear/anxiety that you have described! It's almost like I get stricken with terror at delving into whatever it is that I may be diving into. I usually just try to divert my attention away from that feeling and focus on the breath, or on Shiva, or a mantra.

Kind of off topic, but just a side note about something interesting I noticed with my meditation:
Lately I have been practicing gazing at my Shiva murti. I place it on a table at eye level facing me as I sit. I gaze at it and try to take the image into my mind, then after a while I close my eyes and try to retain the image in my mind. Sometimes it seems like too much detail to focus on at once though, so I just focus on the moon in his hair. I've actually been using this image in my yoga practice as well, during balances instead of focusing on a fixed point outside of myself to steady my gaze, I focus instead on Shiva's moon, which I can now see clearly in my mind. It has actually caused a drastic improvement in my balancing postures.Namaste and thank you for the advice and sentiment.

I focus on Lord Shiva's Trishula (the middle prong).

Aum Namah Shivaya

fem_phoenix1109
01 September 2013, 10:34 AM
Namaste Necromancer,

Is there a reason for focusing on the middle prong, or does it just happen naturally? For me I have no reason behind it really, besides that it is what draws my attention.

Thank you.

Necromancer
01 September 2013, 08:59 PM
Namaste Necromancer,

Is there a reason for focusing on the middle prong, or does it just happen naturally? For me I have no reason behind it really, besides that it is what draws my attention.

Thank you.Namaste.

It just happens naturally.

Aum Namah Shivaya