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izi
05 November 2007, 05:50 PM
hi
I know some of you have experienced godhead so, I wanted to ask

what do you do when you feel like all your work for yourself, before encountering the divine, is just a futile effort at nothing, and you hear the voice of the divine speaking to you, asking you to do things.

my family has not taken since i became devoted to Ananta, it all came as a huge shock to them.

When I tell them how much I love the incarnation of god I have chosen, they make fun of me and the have done some really awful things just out of spite it seems, like, no other reason except they seem jealous of my devotion. It is nothing that disturbs the family at all - before where I would garden or something for my leisure time I fill it with meditation which they seem to hate.

Then when I go to give them attention or love they act like it is never enough if I am giving even a little bit of outward attention towards Ananta.

Once I even tried to embrace my husband to help comfort him because he felt really sad about the way life had been and when I tried to show him love he started shoving me and hitting me and I he slammed me into a wall and left. There have been other incidents but that's all I'm comfortable talking about.

SO the only people who really understand me are three friends who also practice bhakti yoga and my children, and that's about it...

What I want to do is I simply want to meditate by myself and never face the world of men again. Because my heart is already torn between being open and honest about my inner truth and between pretending I am someone else all the time for the sake of self preservation.

There is not much I can do, because of what happened they've already threatened to take my kids away and kick me out on the streets. The only thing that saved me I think is, he is a police officer and since he attacked me he is afraid he will lose his job if I report him.

I listen to Shesha Ananta but sometimes the clarity of a felllow human is easier to hear than his subtle speech which should be taken as the most beautiful speech and put the mind at rest, yet my mind is not trained enough yet to always be without confusion.

Right now I am working to be independent since it is clear to me I don't have a support system here I can depend on except what is speaking directly to my spirit.

Where do you go after something like this? Do you become a mendicant or do you just follow the will of the god and hope that you don't lose your communication with him? Everything i have seen so far is telling me that Imust go on no matter what, even if it costs me everything I own or everything I know to be real....

If I pretend to be materialistic and engaged in frivolous activities like shopping or making art that has nothing to do with serpents then everything is fine, but then after I start hinting at how much I adore sacred icons of serpents or siva then I am met with hostility.

everything is so beautiful though, I can't help but talk about it. So what...I mean...who is going to oppose the will of the divine shesha ananta anyways for very long....

Znanna
05 November 2007, 07:45 PM
Pray. Meditate. Balance. Be thankful of your blessings.


However ... "neglect none" also is an aphorism which pertains, IMO. One has responsibilities IRL which require attention, unless you are willing to divest yourSelves of all connections; your children and husband are a part of you (and ALL everything else), you must not deprive them but rather grace them with your communion.

Well, you asked, so this is my 2 cents.


Namaste,
ZN

izi
05 November 2007, 10:44 PM
thanks that is a great 2 cents, the prayer and meditation helps a lot

Divest myself of connections? In a way, I have already done that. I was totally willing to become a homeless wandering mendicant.

My decision to stay is not really my decision....Ananta has his own designs...

A monastic life would be totally much easier than this...

I guess the answer is as it was before - just listen to the great cobra and do whatever he says immediately without delay, and say all that he asks me to. It's carried me this far.

Now it sounds stupid just contemplating aloud about it - I mean, it's "the great serpent" how much more reliable can you get. Still, even gods make mistakes so I can't be too careful myself...

I had the idea to build a temple for him but it is so far in the future towards that goal sometimes it is like trying to guess what happens between chapter 1 and chapter 50 when you are only on chapter 2....

edit:

I should point out that I have been working hard on raising the consciousness of my husband - I should say, ex husband...he crossed a line I won't ever be able to pass back over...but still consider him to be a very great friend. After all, we did so much devotional service together to Garuda and Durga, it astonishes me how quickly he could turn on me because of my blissful engagement with Sesha Ananta. I do not see him as different than any other human being - I am devoted to them all equally.

As for my kids, they are great - they are already talking like like they know all about the wisdom of the gods.

and naturally they are very important to divinity anyways like all children....

I like the idea of being able to raise my children but I am not sure what the future holds and if fate or the conscious of others will allow it so I must remain one with the laws of causality and not be disturbed by things that are out of my hands.

atanu
09 November 2007, 11:18 PM
hi
-----
If I pretend to be materialistic and engaged in frivolous activities like shopping or making art that has nothing to do with serpents then everything is fine, but then after I start hinting at how much I adore sacred icons of serpents or siva then I am met with hostility.

everything is so beautiful though, I can't help but talk about it. So what...I mean...who is going to oppose the will of the divine shesha ananta anyways for very long....


Dear LadyHydralisk,

The problem is that what is beautiful and divine to you may not appear to be so to others at all. It is good to be patient and let the beauty radiate out automatically ------ slowly.

Om

Eastern Mind
10 November 2007, 01:56 PM
Dear LadyHydralisk,

The problem is that what is beautiful and divine to you may not appear to be so to others at all. It is good to be patient and let the beauty radiate out automatically ------ slowly.

Om

I concur with Atanu. It is with words that gets you in trouble. I never speak of my Hinduism at work, I just go along gently practising what I've learned... humility, kindness to others. The westerners or otherwise opposers get to know me as a person first. After they get to know me, it is very difficult for them to go nuts over my religious affiliation. You cannot directly change others, but you can model for them. Perhaps they'll see that. Perhaps not. Life is so complex. The other thing to consider here is the ability of asuric forces to latch onto you, or your presence, and than jump onto a close one, which can create disharmony, especially if via lack of practice, they are not protected by the aura of Godliness. There are so many unseen forces acting on us at each moment in time. And then of course, there's this thing called karma. Aum Namasivaya

Eastern Mind
10 November 2007, 04:19 PM
hi
I know some of you have experienced godhead


I'm not sure what you mean by this. Can you explain a bit more? Aum Namasivaya