izi
05 November 2007, 05:50 PM
hi
I know some of you have experienced godhead so, I wanted to ask
what do you do when you feel like all your work for yourself, before encountering the divine, is just a futile effort at nothing, and you hear the voice of the divine speaking to you, asking you to do things.
my family has not taken since i became devoted to Ananta, it all came as a huge shock to them.
When I tell them how much I love the incarnation of god I have chosen, they make fun of me and the have done some really awful things just out of spite it seems, like, no other reason except they seem jealous of my devotion. It is nothing that disturbs the family at all - before where I would garden or something for my leisure time I fill it with meditation which they seem to hate.
Then when I go to give them attention or love they act like it is never enough if I am giving even a little bit of outward attention towards Ananta.
Once I even tried to embrace my husband to help comfort him because he felt really sad about the way life had been and when I tried to show him love he started shoving me and hitting me and I he slammed me into a wall and left. There have been other incidents but that's all I'm comfortable talking about.
SO the only people who really understand me are three friends who also practice bhakti yoga and my children, and that's about it...
What I want to do is I simply want to meditate by myself and never face the world of men again. Because my heart is already torn between being open and honest about my inner truth and between pretending I am someone else all the time for the sake of self preservation.
There is not much I can do, because of what happened they've already threatened to take my kids away and kick me out on the streets. The only thing that saved me I think is, he is a police officer and since he attacked me he is afraid he will lose his job if I report him.
I listen to Shesha Ananta but sometimes the clarity of a felllow human is easier to hear than his subtle speech which should be taken as the most beautiful speech and put the mind at rest, yet my mind is not trained enough yet to always be without confusion.
Right now I am working to be independent since it is clear to me I don't have a support system here I can depend on except what is speaking directly to my spirit.
Where do you go after something like this? Do you become a mendicant or do you just follow the will of the god and hope that you don't lose your communication with him? Everything i have seen so far is telling me that Imust go on no matter what, even if it costs me everything I own or everything I know to be real....
If I pretend to be materialistic and engaged in frivolous activities like shopping or making art that has nothing to do with serpents then everything is fine, but then after I start hinting at how much I adore sacred icons of serpents or siva then I am met with hostility.
everything is so beautiful though, I can't help but talk about it. So what...I mean...who is going to oppose the will of the divine shesha ananta anyways for very long....
I know some of you have experienced godhead so, I wanted to ask
what do you do when you feel like all your work for yourself, before encountering the divine, is just a futile effort at nothing, and you hear the voice of the divine speaking to you, asking you to do things.
my family has not taken since i became devoted to Ananta, it all came as a huge shock to them.
When I tell them how much I love the incarnation of god I have chosen, they make fun of me and the have done some really awful things just out of spite it seems, like, no other reason except they seem jealous of my devotion. It is nothing that disturbs the family at all - before where I would garden or something for my leisure time I fill it with meditation which they seem to hate.
Then when I go to give them attention or love they act like it is never enough if I am giving even a little bit of outward attention towards Ananta.
Once I even tried to embrace my husband to help comfort him because he felt really sad about the way life had been and when I tried to show him love he started shoving me and hitting me and I he slammed me into a wall and left. There have been other incidents but that's all I'm comfortable talking about.
SO the only people who really understand me are three friends who also practice bhakti yoga and my children, and that's about it...
What I want to do is I simply want to meditate by myself and never face the world of men again. Because my heart is already torn between being open and honest about my inner truth and between pretending I am someone else all the time for the sake of self preservation.
There is not much I can do, because of what happened they've already threatened to take my kids away and kick me out on the streets. The only thing that saved me I think is, he is a police officer and since he attacked me he is afraid he will lose his job if I report him.
I listen to Shesha Ananta but sometimes the clarity of a felllow human is easier to hear than his subtle speech which should be taken as the most beautiful speech and put the mind at rest, yet my mind is not trained enough yet to always be without confusion.
Right now I am working to be independent since it is clear to me I don't have a support system here I can depend on except what is speaking directly to my spirit.
Where do you go after something like this? Do you become a mendicant or do you just follow the will of the god and hope that you don't lose your communication with him? Everything i have seen so far is telling me that Imust go on no matter what, even if it costs me everything I own or everything I know to be real....
If I pretend to be materialistic and engaged in frivolous activities like shopping or making art that has nothing to do with serpents then everything is fine, but then after I start hinting at how much I adore sacred icons of serpents or siva then I am met with hostility.
everything is so beautiful though, I can't help but talk about it. So what...I mean...who is going to oppose the will of the divine shesha ananta anyways for very long....