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PRABHU P
04 December 2008, 09:45 AM
MARRRIAGE AN ART OF SUBLIMATION

Marriage is not just a system it is an art by which men or women can gradually sublimate their lower instincts to a higher plane. The Hindu Dharma guides persons to graduate from Brahmachari to Sanyasa through a safe passage of Gruhastha dharma. The problem of the present days are not because of the Dharma but it is because of the wrong way in which it is practised. It is a safety valve to let out the pressure off in a very dignified manner and without any bad consquences attached to other methods. It can be relished if we can enjoy the fruits of it over a long period of time instead of spending it in haste. The other methods may probably lead us back to the barbaric stone age.

The Indian culture built this system with a lot of foresightedness. Some people argue why we need culture at all. I don’t know in what perspective the word is used by them. The dictionary meaning is a developed understanding of literature,art, music,etc. ; the art customs etc. of a particular country or society. But in the Indian context what we mean is the customs which was professed and practiced to the emancipation of the society by our seers and fore fathers. Whether the culture which is going to emancipate the whole society need to be discarded ?. No, it is only to be adapted in a best manner to the present world.

Early marriage may aovid many of the misunderstandings that occurs in the system of marriage. There may be mismatch in many cases but an early marriage brings with it the love, affection and friendship which will help the couple to over come other mismatches. What ever may be the differences that will not become an irritant in their life. They can be compromised for the love, affection and friendship shared among them. The thread will be further strengthened by the blossoming of their offsprings.

reflections
04 December 2008, 10:02 AM
Namaste Prabhu P,

I agree with you understanding of marriage and Grihashthashram. And I value marriage as very important Samskar.

But, then If I go back to Vedas, importance of all 4 Ashramas are emphasized. Early marriage means short Brahmacharyashram. Meaning less time to gain Vidya (knowledge?).

Plus, early marriage means early parent-hood. I would not suggest people to accept parent hood when they themselves are not matured. And in order to earn a lively hood for a family, the man (boy in this case) has to leave the studies early.

Many practical issues here.

Jai Shri Krishna

PRABHU P
04 December 2008, 10:18 AM
Namasthe shri Jai Krishna,

Your views are very interesting and meaningfull Sir.

With regards

Eastern Mind
04 December 2008, 05:50 PM
Namaste: The institution of marriage IMO has to evolve with the times tempered with wisdom. The time it takes nowadays just to get an education to be able to perform Purusha dharma is much longer that in the days of yore unless one is in the position to follow in a father's footsteps. But the extended family unit has for the most part broken down. Sixty years back, a grade 9 equivalent was the norm, then it became grade 12 as a bare minimum, and now more and more it is at least a post secondary certificate or degree of some sort, and in some cultural groups either a Masters or Doctorate is considered the norm. the other factor IMO is the technological advancement called birth control. Its just a fact today, and wasn't some time back.

The other problem I see is overgeneralising. People mature at different times, have varying needs etc. For some, marriage probably shouldn't ever be considered. And then there are others who it seems could have married anyone anytime and had it lead to a successful marriage, if you can define it as some sort of joint happiness. I would not welcome an early marriage these days unless it is obvious that the individual is so hightly sexed that high level of promiscuity seems inevitable.

Aum Namasivaya

Infinite Regress
04 December 2008, 11:36 PM
I would not welcome an early marriage these days unless it is obvious that the individual is so hightly sexed that high level of promiscuity seems inevitable.


Most adolescents (yes, even 13) have sexual desires, which is why that stage is so confusing, and which is why most kids masturbate. So it's not right to say only some people have such desires. Starting from 13, most of them experience this. Even kids under ten have these desires, they just don't know how to express it. Freedom to explore sex, rather than early marriage, is the right solution.

Eastern Mind
05 December 2008, 07:01 AM
Most adolescents (yes, even 13) have sexual desires, which is why that stage is so confusing, and which is why most kids masturbate. So it's not right to say only some people have such desires. Starting from 13, most of them experience this. Even kids under ten have these desires, they just don't know how to express it. Freedom to explore sex, rather than early marriage, is the right solution.

Namaste: I never said that 'only some people have such desires'. It indeed would be very unlikely. What I said is that there is a wide variety. I taught adolescents for many years and am quite aware of the confusion of that stage of life. I have seen (rather heard) of the onset of menses anywhere from age 9 to age 14. My most common grade taught was 11 and 12 year olds. Some girls were 12 acting like 7, and others were 11 going on 20. Last year I had one student who wouldn't have looked out of place in size etc in the grade 3 room, and another who probably could have hit the bars and not been asked for ID. As to sexual desire, and the variation there, I have less knowledge because the only real research you can get is based on questionairres, and people tend to distort these things, yet still it appears 'once a day" to "once a month" would hit 95% of the population, which is an incredibly wide range.

The other situation that is ignored expecially in the west is the chosen life of celibacy. The celibate monk or nun is a valid path, and choice, from which we draw our swamis, mystics etc. I cannot attest to their sex drive levels in youth , but one can assume it was transmuted or sublimated or nonexistant, as the outcome was adult celibacy.

Aum Namasivaya

izi
30 December 2008, 09:20 PM
too often this just leads to rampant pedophilia. Honestly I think celibacy needs to be kept as a personal choice, and not as a measurement of sainthood.