Can a hindu boy get married with a catholic girl if he has to do ganesh chaturti ?

[arjun]

Hi,
Can a hindu boy get married with a catholic girl as he is the only one son and has to do ganesh chaturti in India for the coming years ?

Social pressure seems to say it is impossible in the religious point of view : Because his wife has a different faith and she is white, he will never be allowed to continue this ritual and even others (for example cremation).

Is this restriction written in the Veda or somewhere else or is it only racism ?

[Eastern Mind]

Hi,
Can a hindu boy get married with a catholic girl as he is the only one son and has to do ganesh chaturti in India for the coming years ?

Social pressure seems to say it is impossible in the religious point of view : Because his wife has a different faith and she is white, he will never be allowed to continue this ritual and even others (for example cremation).

Is this restriction written in the Veda or somewhere else or is it only racism ?

Complicated question. In a sense you can do anything you want if you're willing to suffer the consequences. But your question isn't specific enough. The individual situation would have to be more clearly explained before you can expect clear answers.

What exactly is the social pressure?
How strong are the faiths of the two people? (Is there any room for tolerance?)
Which is the stronger factor of disagreement: race? or religion?

Is it a 'love' marriage or semi-arranged?

I doubt if the Vedas foresaw or addressed this problem in today's marriages. Personally, I've seen mixed marriages both work quite well, and fail miserably. Best of luck.

Aum Namasivaya

[arjun]

Thanks for your reply Aum.

The union would be fully 'love' marriage between indian boy and white girl, both living in England.

The "social pressure" concerns the family of the boy only: his parents (settled in England for years) and rest of family living in India.
She seems to be fully opened to his hindu rituals.

The prohibition comes only from his family, arguing officialy religious and social reasons.
Social factors can be managed as they both live abroad.
Religious argument is the most complicated: It is said that mixed faith couples are not allowed to continue doing Ganesh chaturti at home and even other symbolic hindu rituals.
Is this argument true? Is there any religious writting concerning prohibition of rituals for mixed faith union?

[Eastern Mind]

As far as I know there is no scripture banning this. If she is open to allowing even accepting Hindu rites, I don't see the problem. I know of several younger mixed marriages in my community.

1) Indian girl Hindu Punjabi marries a nice white guy, strong girl goes against parents wishes, time heals all wounds

2) Sri Lankan lady marries white catholic guy who is very open, comes to temple all the time, sees no real conflict but he's not a STRONG catholic I guess.

3) Indian guy marries Korean girl , both very accepting.

Sure it CAN work. Doesn't mean it will. Caste and conservatism runs deep in some places. Generally the older the people are the more restricted are their minds. I mean I got heck once from a tamil Brahmin for saying "Vannakkam" instead of "Namaskaram" . The longer a certain thing is practised, the solider it becomes in the subconscious, so sometimes you can't teach an old dog new tricks. Again, best of luck.

PS: There are some documented sad cases also where there were some very cruel results to the 'offending' family member. But that's not Sanatana dharma for sure.

Aum Namasivaya

[raghu_001]

Why would you want to marry a Catholic if doing Ganesha puja is important to you? Catholic Christians are taught to believe that you are worshipping a false god, a craven image, or some such thing. Are you comfortable with the idea that your wife would be silently classifying you as a heathen and a sinner as you perform this kind of worship?

[arjun]

Hi Aum,
I agree with you that it can or cannot work. Everybody says the same thing and it is the boy's duty to do as he likes because he only will pay the consequence.
If there is a no a scripture banning hindu rituals, then it means the prohibition is only social.
That is why only strong people can go over "social pressure"
Well, he will have to make his own choice..deciding between his freedom and traditions.
Let see.
Thanks for your answer Aum.
Could you please detail a little bit more about the "documented sad cases"?

[arjun]

Hi Ragu,
you asked me why marrying a catolic if doing ganesh puja is so important.
The answer is easy: Love doesn't see religion or traditions. Moreover when you live a foreign country where this kind of rituals doesn't exist that much than India.
Consequently, keeping doing ganesh puja is not more a religious faith, but more a way of maintening relation with roots and with parents and also a way of preventing from bad luck.

[raghu_001]

Hi Ragu,
you asked me why marrying a catolic if doing ganesh puja is so important.
The answer is easy: Love doesn't see religion or traditions. Moreover when you live a foreign country where this kind of rituals doesn't exist that much than India.
Consequently, keeping doing ganesh puja is not more a religious faith, but more a way of maintening relation with roots and with parents and also a way of preventing from bad luck.

Marrying into a family of similar background is also a way of maintaining relation with roots and with parents.

Love is ephemeral. Is your Catholic wife ready to overlook the fact that you are worshipping someone that her religious background has taught her to believe is a heathen god?

Anyway, good luck with whatever you are going to do.

regards,

Raghu

[arjun]

Raghu,
To answer your question, she is not a strong catolic. So it is not a difficulty for her to worship a god that is not her.

Accepting your parent's wishes even if you disagree doesn't mean you keep relation with your roots or your parent.
It only means that you are obeing them, forgeting your own freedom. What about if you understand several years later that the girl they have choosen for you is not the right person for you? Won't you regret your arranged marriage? Won't you regret this life choice?

[raghu_001]

Raghu,
To answer your question, she is not a strong catolic. So it is not a difficulty for her to worship a god that is not her.

Accepting your parent's wishes even if you disagree doesn't mean you keep relation with your roots or your parent.
It only means that you are obeing them, forgeting your own freedom. What about if you understand several years later that the girl they have choosen for you is not the right person for you? Won't you regret your arranged marriage? Won't you regret this life choice?

I would never marry someone from outside my sampradaya. Romantic infatuation is temporary as are all pleasures and pains of this world. Marriage in our religion is for the purpose of begetting children who will practice and propagate the spiritual culture we were raised in. But like I said, good luck you.

regards,

Raghu

[arjun]

Raghu,
To answer your question, she is not a strong catolic. So it is not a difficulty for her to worship a god that is not her.

Accepting your parent's wishes even if you disagree doesn't mean you keep relation with your roots or your parent.
It only means that you are obeing them, forgeting your own freedom. What about if you understand several years later that the girl they have choosen for you is not the right person for you? Won't you regret your arranged marriage? Won't you regret this life choice?

[arjun]

I noticed you didn't answer to my previous question. It might be quite difficult to decide by yourself when you are taught to obey to community rather than listen your own opinion. It doesn't matter. I hope you will find the right person even if it is your parent's choice.

I would certainely react like you if I was raised in India. The gap comes from differences between parental education (arranged marriage) and the european philosophy, based on love marriage.
And, as you,I expect my children will be raised in the same spiritual culture than me, that means a mix of both culture.

Good luck to you

[Eastern Mind]

Could you please detail a little bit more about the "documented sad cases"?

Namaste: In the western news such cases are sometimes reported. Women getting killed by their own families etc for marrying outside caste, or religion, or race. Also losing all contact with family; i.e being disowned completely. It is my belief that these extreme cases are both rare and overblown by western media.

From my experience, both arranged and love marriages work and don't. The interfaith marriages are definitely a bad idea when one or both are very strong in their faith. The best marriages in my opinion are love AND arranged (when the parents arrange a match and the couple gets to 'date' and subsequently do find love before the marriage takes place) with very similar subconscious minds. But such is not the case here as you have already said. Each situation has its own complications, and complexity. Have you tried praying to Ganesha?

Again, best wishes. In the end it will be up to you, or your friend, I'm not sure. If you ask many different people, as you can tell, you're going to get a lot of different advice/suggestions.

Aum Namasivaya

[arjun]

Namaste,
Before writing this thread, I was expecting less understanding of readers.
But your advices are very clever.

I have to make my own decision. I guess it will be hard.
I am allways praying Gods, including Ganapati for helping me to find a solution. Traditions or freedom... my parents or my girlfriend..

To help me in my decision, I am trying to learn more about hinduism, as I never did it before. It can be useful for my dilemma or maybe not. But at least, it will teach me some more spiritual ideas.
I know "Veda" or "Ramayana" or "Mabharata" ? Do you know which one of these readings could help me ?

Thanks a lot

[dhruva023]

Hi Aum,
I agree with you that it can or cannot work. Everybody says the same thing and it is the boy's duty to do as he likes because he only will pay the consequence.
If there is a no a scripture banning hindu rituals, then it means the prohibition is only social.
That is why only strong people can go over "social pressure"
Well, he will have to make his own choice..deciding between his freedom and traditions.
Let see.
Thanks for your answer Aum.
Could you please detail a little bit more about the "documented sad cases"?

I just wanted to comment on one sentence. The boy only wont be affected by his desicion. Everyone around him will be affected. Accourding to my standards, he should think about everybudy before making any desicion. I am not saying he shouldn't marry her.
Again, that's just me. My standards might be too high :)

[raghu_001]

I noticed you didn't answer to my previous question. It might be quite difficult to decide by yourself when you are taught to obey to community rather than listen your own opinion. It doesn't matter. I hope you will find the right person even if it is your parent's choice.

Like I said earlier, I don't agree with your "philosophy," and I can see you do not understand mine. But in any case, good luck to you.

regards,

Raghu

[arjun]

I just wanted to comment on one sentence. The boy only wont be affected by his desicion. Everyone around him will be affected. Accourding to my standards, he should think about everybudy before making any desicion. I am not saying he shouldn't marry her.
Again, that's just me. My standards might be too high :)

Hi,
I totally agree. Not only the boy will be affected by his choice, but everybody. My writting was confusing.