Krsna Das
22 March 2010, 03:44 AM
Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.
All glories to Guru Maharaja.
If one partner is a devotee and the other one is not (yet), it is not
a problem if devotee partner knows what is her duty towards Krsna in
this situation. In my answer that follows we are assuming that the
husband is a normal karmi man and not a homicidal maniac (murderer) or
in some other way having serious clinical mental problems.
All women have just one duty or dharma in this world--- to serve her
husband. It is called stri-dharma (SB 7.11.25-29). For the wife vivaha
is her second birth (dvi-ja) her initiation into Vedic culture. And
moving into husband's house is not just moving into the house, it means
she goes to live in the asrama. Who's asrama? The ashrama of her
husband. If husband is qualified it is grhasta ashrama. If not it is
grhamedi life. But it does not matter if husband is qualified or not
according to our standard or expectations. He is still our guru,
representative of Krsna. Who sent us this husband? Krsna sent him. The
wife can still make spiritual progress even if husband is not a devotee.
So what is it that Krsna wants from me, you, and other jiva's in this
female body? As devotees we want to please Krsna. Krsna says that for
brahmacari, guru is His representative, for child, Mother is
representative of Krsna, and for wife, her husband is representative of
Krsna. As a brahmacari lights the fire for sacrifice in the asrama of
his guru, so does the wife when she lights fire in the kitchen to cook
for her husband. That is her sacrifice. And Krsna accepts it equally.
(This is explained in Manu
Samhita.)
The point is that wife makes spiritual progress if she performs her
prescribed duty which is - serving her husband (SB 7.11.25-29). She
performs her duty and results of that service she offers to Krsna for
His pleasure.
"Perform your prescribed duty, for doing so is better than not
working.
One cannot even maintain one's physical body without work. Work done as
a sacrifice for Visnu has to be performed, otherwise work causes bondage
in this material world. Therefore, O son of Kunti, perform your
prescribed duties for His satisfaction, and in that way you will always
remain free from bondage." BG 3.8-9
She may not love to serve husband who is not a devotee, but she serves
him as her duty to please Krsna (BG 5.29). Wife should not be rude,
criticize or fight with husband as this would be even greater sin than
any fault he may possess. His faults should be dealt with by his
superiors or equals not by his subordinate (wife). Although he may not
be qualified she should be respectful, in the same way as she is
respectful to her guru. Guru may criticize, but disciple will not be
rude and disrespectful. So why should the wife be angry and rude with
her husband? Hiranyakasipu abused his own son Prahlad, but Prahlad was
never disrespectful to him. He always approached his father with folded
palms saying: "O greatest of all demons."
Prahlad was never rude. Although his father literally wanted to kill his
own son Prahlad was always respectful. Nrsimhadeva corrected his father.
For wife service to husband is her sacrifice (BG 3.14-15); it's not
that she should sacrifice a goat in the temple.she should sacrifice her
false ego, mind, body in the service of her husband. And she makes
spiritual advancement. Like we have a murti of Krsna in some material
form-He may be carved and made with very delicate and attractive
features, or He may be painted or carved not really perfect, but still
Krsna is present in those Deity murtis and we offer our service to Him.
Even imperfectly carved murti is still Krsna's manifestation in this
world. So is the husband for wife; perfect, imperfect, good, bad,
devotee, or non-devotee.
If husband wants her to serve him meat, alcohol, sex, etc, she should
serve him. She will not get any reaction for doing that (BG 18.47),
because she is doing her dharma (stri dharma); she is following her
husband's instructions, which means she is following her duty. So she
will not get any reaction, but her husband will get reaction if he
demands something that is not according to dharma. Though wife gets no
karma it may affect her consciousness, for example she would get no
karma for cooking meat but she may feel disgusted.
The point is that everyone should follow their dharma or prescribed
duty.
Krsna arranged this world in such a way so that everyone is able to make
spiritual advancement by following his or her prescribed duty (BG
18.46).
For women it is simple. Just follow what your husband says. So however
we turn, if wife is able to adjust and follow her husband she makes
advancement. If she disobeys her husband, she degrades herself, slowly
and surely. Krsna always sends for us a husband who is best for us to
practice for our relationship with Krsna. Remember we can not get into
the spiritual world until we develop the service attitude. So now we
have opportunity to practice serving Krsna by serving His representative
that He sent to us and whom we got by our own karma. If we are dealing
on platform of justice and morality and think "if my husband is not good
then I will not serve him,"
then we are not going to like Krsna. How will we tolerate that Krsna
said He is going to be with me but is instead with another gopi? Is
that justice?
No it is not.
"I know no one but Krsna as my Lord, and He shall remain so even if He
handles me roughly by His embrace or makes me brokenhearted by not being
present before me. He is completely free to do anything and everything,
for He is always my worshipful Lord, unconditionally."
So there is so much we have to practice. (Of course as I said at
beginning we are assuming that we are dealing with normal men not
perverts or criminals. Nor should men take advantage of this because by
so doing they would reap serious bad karma.)
If husband is not a devotee, we have to do our duties, cooking (what
he wants), cleaning, taking care of all family members etc. Speaking
sweetly and be respectful. Have faith in Krsna that by serving nicely
your husband He will be happy with you and if He wants He will change
heart of the husband. And even if he doesn't want to become devotee, if
he is pleased with service of his wife, he will not be able to make
obstacles in her devotional life. He will have respect for such a wife.
And Krsna will be pleased.
Hari Bol.
All glories to Guru Maharaja.
If one partner is a devotee and the other one is not (yet), it is not
a problem if devotee partner knows what is her duty towards Krsna in
this situation. In my answer that follows we are assuming that the
husband is a normal karmi man and not a homicidal maniac (murderer) or
in some other way having serious clinical mental problems.
All women have just one duty or dharma in this world--- to serve her
husband. It is called stri-dharma (SB 7.11.25-29). For the wife vivaha
is her second birth (dvi-ja) her initiation into Vedic culture. And
moving into husband's house is not just moving into the house, it means
she goes to live in the asrama. Who's asrama? The ashrama of her
husband. If husband is qualified it is grhasta ashrama. If not it is
grhamedi life. But it does not matter if husband is qualified or not
according to our standard or expectations. He is still our guru,
representative of Krsna. Who sent us this husband? Krsna sent him. The
wife can still make spiritual progress even if husband is not a devotee.
So what is it that Krsna wants from me, you, and other jiva's in this
female body? As devotees we want to please Krsna. Krsna says that for
brahmacari, guru is His representative, for child, Mother is
representative of Krsna, and for wife, her husband is representative of
Krsna. As a brahmacari lights the fire for sacrifice in the asrama of
his guru, so does the wife when she lights fire in the kitchen to cook
for her husband. That is her sacrifice. And Krsna accepts it equally.
(This is explained in Manu
Samhita.)
The point is that wife makes spiritual progress if she performs her
prescribed duty which is - serving her husband (SB 7.11.25-29). She
performs her duty and results of that service she offers to Krsna for
His pleasure.
"Perform your prescribed duty, for doing so is better than not
working.
One cannot even maintain one's physical body without work. Work done as
a sacrifice for Visnu has to be performed, otherwise work causes bondage
in this material world. Therefore, O son of Kunti, perform your
prescribed duties for His satisfaction, and in that way you will always
remain free from bondage." BG 3.8-9
She may not love to serve husband who is not a devotee, but she serves
him as her duty to please Krsna (BG 5.29). Wife should not be rude,
criticize or fight with husband as this would be even greater sin than
any fault he may possess. His faults should be dealt with by his
superiors or equals not by his subordinate (wife). Although he may not
be qualified she should be respectful, in the same way as she is
respectful to her guru. Guru may criticize, but disciple will not be
rude and disrespectful. So why should the wife be angry and rude with
her husband? Hiranyakasipu abused his own son Prahlad, but Prahlad was
never disrespectful to him. He always approached his father with folded
palms saying: "O greatest of all demons."
Prahlad was never rude. Although his father literally wanted to kill his
own son Prahlad was always respectful. Nrsimhadeva corrected his father.
For wife service to husband is her sacrifice (BG 3.14-15); it's not
that she should sacrifice a goat in the temple.she should sacrifice her
false ego, mind, body in the service of her husband. And she makes
spiritual advancement. Like we have a murti of Krsna in some material
form-He may be carved and made with very delicate and attractive
features, or He may be painted or carved not really perfect, but still
Krsna is present in those Deity murtis and we offer our service to Him.
Even imperfectly carved murti is still Krsna's manifestation in this
world. So is the husband for wife; perfect, imperfect, good, bad,
devotee, or non-devotee.
If husband wants her to serve him meat, alcohol, sex, etc, she should
serve him. She will not get any reaction for doing that (BG 18.47),
because she is doing her dharma (stri dharma); she is following her
husband's instructions, which means she is following her duty. So she
will not get any reaction, but her husband will get reaction if he
demands something that is not according to dharma. Though wife gets no
karma it may affect her consciousness, for example she would get no
karma for cooking meat but she may feel disgusted.
The point is that everyone should follow their dharma or prescribed
duty.
Krsna arranged this world in such a way so that everyone is able to make
spiritual advancement by following his or her prescribed duty (BG
18.46).
For women it is simple. Just follow what your husband says. So however
we turn, if wife is able to adjust and follow her husband she makes
advancement. If she disobeys her husband, she degrades herself, slowly
and surely. Krsna always sends for us a husband who is best for us to
practice for our relationship with Krsna. Remember we can not get into
the spiritual world until we develop the service attitude. So now we
have opportunity to practice serving Krsna by serving His representative
that He sent to us and whom we got by our own karma. If we are dealing
on platform of justice and morality and think "if my husband is not good
then I will not serve him,"
then we are not going to like Krsna. How will we tolerate that Krsna
said He is going to be with me but is instead with another gopi? Is
that justice?
No it is not.
"I know no one but Krsna as my Lord, and He shall remain so even if He
handles me roughly by His embrace or makes me brokenhearted by not being
present before me. He is completely free to do anything and everything,
for He is always my worshipful Lord, unconditionally."
So there is so much we have to practice. (Of course as I said at
beginning we are assuming that we are dealing with normal men not
perverts or criminals. Nor should men take advantage of this because by
so doing they would reap serious bad karma.)
If husband is not a devotee, we have to do our duties, cooking (what
he wants), cleaning, taking care of all family members etc. Speaking
sweetly and be respectful. Have faith in Krsna that by serving nicely
your husband He will be happy with you and if He wants He will change
heart of the husband. And even if he doesn't want to become devotee, if
he is pleased with service of his wife, he will not be able to make
obstacles in her devotional life. He will have respect for such a wife.
And Krsna will be pleased.
Hari Bol.