Arranged Marriage?

[ScottMalaysia]

I'm curious as to the views of those on the board of the Hindu custom of parents arranging marriages for their children. So I have a few questions for you.

1. How many of you believe that marriages should be arranged by the parents instead of the Western system of dating, boyfriend/girlfriend relationships etc?

2. Are any of you going to arrange marriages for your children? Have any of you already done so?

3. If your son/daughter was discovered to have a girlfriend/boyfriend whom he/she was deeply in love with and intended to marry, would you permit them to marry or would you object on the basis that you should pick whom your son/daughter marries?

4. What would you do if your son/daughter eloped with someone you deemed unsuitable and got married in secret?

5. Has anyone here had an arranged marriage?

I can see some potential benefits (lower divorce rate, for example) but for me as a Westerner it would be strange to marry someone you've only met a few times. Especially if I were a girl, I would feel very hesitant about giving myself totally to someone I'd only met a few times. That's not to say I'm against the whole notion - it could be useful if your child has trouble finding a partner. But when my wife and I have children, I'll let them choose who to marry, and if they couldn't find anyone, I might introduce them to suitable Hindus of the opposite sex. However, I'd want them to get to know each other for at least a year before marriage.

[Eastern Mind]

Vannakkam Scott: It's been discussed. Perhaps Satay can combine the two.

http://www.hindudharmaforums.com/showthread.php?t=663&highlight=Arranged+marriages


Aum Namasivaya

[Avazjan]

I am only 21, and a very non-traditional Hindu so I do not know if my answers will have relevance for you...


1. How many of you believe that marriages should be arranged by the parents instead of the Western system of dating, boyfriend/girlfriend relationships etc?

I think this is a false dichotomy, and that the Indian tradition of arranged marriages as well as the Western approach to love and marriage are both extremely flawed. So... neither.

If the question is further posed, "well, what else is there?"

I'd talk at length about a different approach to love. It is my opinion that the wife must regard her husband as God, and that the husband must regard his wife as Goddess. This regard should be shown in the choosing, as well as the living of it. Astrology can be a good guide in this, and arranged marriages based on an astrological system. It can certainly work, but I do not think it is optimal. Mostly I think arranged marriages are done for fundamentally wrong reasons. I believe it is vitally important to develop sufficient self-realization in order to know when you meet the correct partner. Otherwise it will all be hollow... projecting vain one-dimensional wishes and expectations onto other people to fulfill a void in our own selves. A void that doesn't really exist...



2. Are any of you going to arrange marriages for your children? Have any of you already done so?

I don't know if I'm going to have children, but speaking hypothetically I would not arrange a marriage. I might arrange meeting certain people for them, but there would be no compulsion from me.


3. If your son/daughter was discovered to have a girlfriend/boyfriend whom he/she was deeply in love with and intended to marry, would you permit them to marry or would you object on the basis that you should pick whom your son/daughter marries?


I would not consider myself to have the right to choose for them.

4. What would you do if your son/daughter eloped with someone you deemed unsuitable and got married in secret?

Given the above Q&A I do not think this would be possible, as I cannot picture myself giving 'them' a reason to elope.



5. Has anyone here had an arranged marriage?

Not this life.

[devotee]

Namaste Scott,


1. How many of you believe that marriages should be arranged by the parents instead of the Western system of dating, boyfriend/girlfriend relationships etc?

I believe that Indian way of arranging marraige by parents is better than the western system.


2. Are any of you going to arrange marriages for your children? Have any of you already done so?

I have been involved with arranging quite a few marriages for children of my elder sister and of course, I have to do it for my children unless they decide otherwise ! :)


3. If your son/daughter was discovered to have a girlfriend/boyfriend whom he/she was deeply in love with and intended to marry, would you permit them to marry or would you object on the basis that you should pick whom your son/daughter marries?

There is nothing like "deeply in love" unless two persons live together and "really" know each other well. This deep love, in majority of cases is just physical attraction & the compatibility of partners should not be enirely based on that. In fact, it should be the last criteria as sexual satisfaction is more of a psychological thing if the partners are otherwise sexually healthy. So, this becoming almost a common factor in all matches, there are other things which should be considered more seriously.

The fantansy of "deeply in love" which is only another name given to sexual attractiveness of the partner is the reason why so many marriage break in the west.


4. What would you do if your son/daughter eloped with someone you deemed unsuitable and got married in secret?

Nothing. They have to suffer the fruits of their Karma. Yes, if they come back and ask for help, I would try to help as far as possible to heal the wounds.


5. Has anyone here had an arranged marriage?

Yes. Most of the Indians have arranged marriages & I was no exception.


Especially if I were a girl, I would feel very hesitant about giving myself totally to someone I'd only met a few times.

This thinking is almost absent in Indian culture. The husband is next to God for wife and wife is goddess ... the relationship is considered very sacred & the act of sex within this relationship is too considered sacred. Yes, as the girl (& husband too, normally) goes through this experience for the first time, it is likely to be mixed with fear, excitement and hesitance on her part. The boy and girl grow up with such traditional feelings ... so this occasion is actually much awaited for the couple.

OM

[sambya]

it is very difficult to understand or evaluate arranged marriages from a western perspective . this system was instituted in india long ago in its indian sociological context . one has to shed aside all western inhibitions and think from a complete eastern perspective to have an idea of what the system is or how it really worked .

in india the wife is the 'other half' (ardhangini) . a man becomes 'complete' by accepting a wife . the wife is the mistress of the household ( joint families ) and is to be respected by the husband , while the husband is deva-tulya or 'god like' to the wife . as per ancient customs marriages involved young adloscent teens . naturally when two young persons were put together , they developed deep love and respect towards each other and had no major problem in leading a happy life . secondly as we see nowadays , each individual is having multiple relationships that usually gets to physical levels , before finally settling down with marriage . quite naturally one shouldnt expect such a couple to be happy . comparisons with their past relationships are bound to come in . and the desire to enjoy is actually enhanced through this free mixing . however in those old days this was not there . a child never had a slightest idea that there could be such a thing as dating or love or finding a wife for himself . an arranged marraige was the norm for him . not to say that love or extramarital relations didnt exist . they did , as they did elsewhere , but thats a different story .

however with changing times and a inflow of western ideals this traditional society had largely disintigrated . as a consequence arranged marriages are not always working nowadays . but no matter how 'western' we all become we still have not managed to do away with indian norms . so a modern young indian boy would love flirting around with girls and may have physical relationships with them but when it comes to marraige he would request his parents to find him a bride !! this comes from the idea that traditional , gentle natured girls are more home-oriented and thus would help maintain a stable family , than a fiercely independent 'modern' women .

another common method for modern parents is to chose the girl or the boy and after that , the couple interact with each other for a few days or maybe months to get to see whether they are compatible with each other .

[Philippe*]

I will tell you my experience about marriage. As a Westerner, I used to think that arranged marriage was quite backward. It is quite often misunderstood here in France as a form of alienation if not a kind of forced marriage. I was even sceptical of "love" marriages, I did not believe in "love" except for a few rare cases in the real life. Once I started earning a living, I planned to travel alone in India. I decided to get knowledge about Indian culture on the whole and not just about Yoga, I discovered the Indian family values and at the same time the omnipresence of romance in novels, movies, arts. Then I went to India at last (Delhi, Agra, Mathura, temples, ashrams, Rishikesh, Badrinath, Hemkund, Valley of flowers, Joshimath, Pondicherry, Auroville, Tiruvanamalai)

It was a kind of holy trip for me. It was the first time that I went outside Western Europe, moreover alone, during the monsoon, with very limited skills in oral English, without even any luggage (lost) once arrived at Delhi airport, I had not got a single thought that I could find romantic love there. A few days after my arrival, I met the woman who became my wife through a common friend, we met just twice a few hours with two weeks in between, then we talked about marriage. I went to South India, then I came back to Delhi and spent a few days with her. There was nothing like a shock, all has been very calm and natural yet intense. We were from so different backgrounds, I had not imagined before that first I could be happily married one day and moreover with a Non-European (!). I came back months later for engagement then another time for marriage. Besides that, I also found very good friends.

So it is not at all about arranged marriage but since then, I know that one does not need necessarily months or years to find the right partner. You might not know very much the person but you can know inside if it is right. Though following a spiritual path where marriage is not especially encouraged, I asked the Divine and I got an answer, it has been very short. Exposure to India has also made me understand better arranged marriage.

She had a very comfortable situation in India, she came for us in France where she is managing quite well, but we plan to shift to India in a few years, we would like to live there especially if we have kids one day.
We are very happy together, it has been soon 4 years that we met, 3 years that we married and every day is wonderful. Marriage has not been a hindrance in my yoga sadhana quite the contrary. We feel very grateful to the Divine.

Philippe

[Sahasranama]

If you look at the west, how much time and effort some people have to spend to get a date and find someone suitable, it makes sense that Indians arranged marriages, so that people could spend their time with more important pursuits like education, work and religion. Most younger Hindus living in western countries don't even have 30 minutes for prayers, while they can spend hours in cinemas, bars, clubs and discos trying to score a date.

[ScottMalaysia]

Vannakkam Scott: It's been discussed. Perhaps Satay can combine the two.

http://www.hindudharmaforums.com/sho...nged+marriages (http://www.hindudharmaforums.com/showthread.php?t=663&highlight=Arranged+marriages)


Aum NamasivayaI did a search for "arranged marriage" on the forum but didn't find anything. That's why I started this thread.


There is nothing like "deeply in love" unless two persons live together and "really" know each other well. This deep love, in majority of cases is just physical attraction & the compatibility of partners should not be enirely based on that. In fact, it should be the last criteria as sexual satisfaction is more of a psychological thing if the partners are otherwise sexually healthy. So, this becoming almost a common factor in all matches, there are other things which should be considered more seriously.

The fantansy of "deeply in love" which is only another name given to sexual attractiveness of the partner is the reason why so many marriage break in the west.So you don't think that two people who have been dating (but no sex) for a year or so don't know each other well enough to be 'deeply in love?'

I do understand what you're saying, Devotee, but as a Westerner, it just seems unnatural to me not to have the freedom to choose my own partner.


4. What would you do if your son/daughter eloped with someone you deemed unsuitable and got married in secret?

Nothing. They have to suffer the fruits of their Karma. Yes, if they come back and ask for help, I would try to help as far as possible to heal the wounds. Do you think that this is what most Indian Hindu parents would do? Especially the non-religious ones?


So it is not at all about arranged marriage but since then, I know that one does not need necessarily months or years to find the right partnerI do think that even in an arranged marriage, the couple should get to know each other for quite a while first (at least 6 months). This is especially true since Hindus are against divorce. If the couple only meet a few times before the wedding then it's easy for one or both partners to be "on their best behaviour" and conceal all their faults. What if the husband turned out to have a drinking problem or a gambling problem that he'd concealed from his parents and bride? What if he had a bad temper where the slightest thing set him off and he would physically beat his wife? What if he turned out to be a womanizer and regularly hired prostitutes? None of those things would be apparent when meeting for a few times, and if the parents didn't know about them, then there'd be no way for the bride or the bride's family to know what is in store. If they went out over the course of a few months (or better still a year) then these things may come to light.

While I am not totally against the arranged marriage system, I recognise that it does have its faults, just like the Western system of dating, and I would only use it as a last resort for my children if they didn't manage to find someone to marry themselves.

[NayaSurya]

Even if one knows a person for a year, things can certainly go badly. My first husband was a complete gentleman for a year while we dated. I was a virgin when we marry. He abused me in very bad ways...he was a complete deviant.

But, as much as this was painful I do believe it was part of my past karma to deal with this.

One day I realized this and this was the day I was finally able to make him depart.

My second husband is my soul mate. But, we were utterly mismatched visually for each other. He is only 129 pounds and 6'4. I am 5'11 and 200 pounds. Another thing is that I was very attracted to dark hair and dark eyed men...my husband is blond hair and blue eyes. Oh how I have come to love those features. For beneath lies the soul of my beloved.

The wise never marry for features or desire, as with youth, it swiftly depart leaving two old people who can not stand to look at each other. The wise marry kindred kind.

I like to think that no matter if we marry who our parents choose, or who we choose...ultimately the Divine's great and powerful Hand is upon this and no matter what we must obey our destiny.

God chose Ron for me just as much as he chose my first husband the abuser.

If a soul was truly meant to marry someone, not even the most powerful person in the world could stop that divine destiny.

Hari Om Namah Sivaya

[Eastern Mind]

Vannakkam:

I think romance is a myth perpetrated by sellers of diamonds, candy, and flowers. Maybe wedding dresses and weddings can be thrown into that capitalistic swine mix as well.

In part I jest. I'm not a romantic, yet we also have what I would call a successful marriage of 35 years. Life is good. She was and is my best friend.

On the topic of arranged marriages, I do think western media has done a number on it, as they have misunderstood as they usually do. There are many reasons for it.
1) It gets rid of the dating game and any resulting promiscuity, which is unhealthy in seen and unseen ways.
2) You have a lot more help, as it binds two families.
3) If proper jyotish is consulted, it will likely work out.
4) Older people are better judgers of character by their experience alone. When we're young often our hormones overtake our brains in the race to make a decision.
5) The success rate is generally higher.

I know a young man (maybe 35 now) whose mother went to India, and came home saying she thought she had found a nice girl for him and asked if he wanted to go meet her. He said, "No, that's okay, Mom. I trust your judgement. Just go ahead and arrange the marriage."

So I don't buy the western anti-arranged propoganda.

Of course each and every marriage is different.

Aum Namasivaya

[sanjaya]

1.) I believe that marriage is best arranged by parents rather than dating. The way I see it, I've never been married before, but my parents have been married for around 30 years. I trust their judgment over my own. The system of Western dating seems very peculiar and futile to me. People invest so much time into dating and have to follow so many strange man-made customs. It seems like a waste of time to me. I don't mean to judge other cultures, but it appears to me as a very inefficient and stressful system. As a Hindu growing up in America, I always loved not feeling any pressure to pursue women when I should have been doing other things with my time.

2.) No children (I'm not even married), so this isn't entirel applicable. But if I had children, I would definitely find mates for them.

3.) What matters to me is that people not marry spouses who are unstable, believe in divorce, etc. The arrangement of marriage is a means to the end of marriage. If someone happens to find a mate that they like apart from parental influence, and if that person meets the criteria of a stable spouse, I personally see no problem.

4.) This sort of thing usually isn't even taken very well in the West. Again I can only imagine what it's like to be a parent, but I imagine I would not be too thrilled.

I can understand why a Westerner would find arranged marriage to be strange. To Westerners there are fears that a potential spouse won't be compatible, or that there will be some irreconciliable difference. But let's be serious here. Very few traits in a spouse are truly intolerable. People can be friends for years and not be aware of traits that bother one another. We see this in high school friends who decide to be roommates in college and end up hating each other. Studies have shown that couples who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce. In Indian culture, divorce typically is not considered a viable option. In a way this adds stability to the marriage, and a couple will find ways to live with each other happily. When divorce is regarded as a viable option, couples tend to resort to it rather than work things out with one another.

As a sidenote, keep in mind that in modern times, parents usually arrange meetings between their children and potential spouses so that the two can get to know one another. But wherea Western couples will often date for years before getting married, I've noticed that Indian couples will only meet a few times over a course of a few months before deciding to marry. My cousin married her husband a few years ago just three days after marrying him, and they seem pretty happy with each other.

[ScottMalaysia]

3.) What matters to me is that people not marry spouses who are unstable, believe in divorce, etc. The arrangement of marriage is a means to the end of marriage. If someone happens to find a mate that they like apart from parental influence, and if that person meets the criteria of a stable spouse, I personally see no problem.

Do the Hindu scriptures specifically prohibit divorce? Or is it simply a cultural thing?

Also, what are your criteria for a "stable" spouse? Does it mean that he/she is a good, moralistic and decent person, or that he/she has a big income and is financially stable?


Studies have shown that couples who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce

I am personally against the idea of couples living together before marriage. I'll use an analogy. Say you wanted to buy a computer. You saw one that you liked, but you weren't sure if it was right for you or that your software would run on it. So you go to the shop assistant and say "I really like this computer, but I'm not sure if it'll do what I want it to. Would I be able to take it home for a while and install all my programs on it to see if it works? If it works, I'll purchase it." Of course the shop assistant would say no. So likewise, you can't try your spouse out for a while before going through with the wedding (the purchase of the computer in the analogy).

If my son/daughter wanted to move in with a partner that they had been together with for a while, then I would tell them that if they want to move in together, I'll arrange the wedding and they can move in after that. If you have enough commitment to live together, you have enough to get married.

[devotee]

So you don't think that two people who have been dating (but no sex) for a year or so don't know each other well enough to be 'deeply in love?'

Till one is trying to attract the partner of another sex, he/she presents himself/herself in his/her best form. You may not judge a person like this correctly. I am not saying that one may not choose a wrong partner in an arranged marriage but the chances are less for failure of marriage. You can very well check it with statistics. In a Hindu marriage, it is not only a marriage between two persons. It is large family affair from both sides and the family values ensures a successful marriage. There is idea of surrender by wife to her husband & husband takes the natural responsibility of taking care of her in all circumstances. Divorces are rare in Hindus and it has very less acceptability in society unless there are compelling and visible reasons.

Actually, it will be extremely difficult to have feelings like Indians have on this issue.


I do understand what you're saying, Devotee, but as a Westerner, it just seems unnatural to me not to have the freedom to choose my own partner.

You are mistaken. It is not that you don't get a chance to choose. The parents always take the consent of the son/daughter in almost all cases. They normally get a chance to see and meet each other these days in presence of parents/brothers/sisters. The profile of the bride/bridegroom, photograph, profile of the family etc. are known to both sides in advance before meeting in person.

In fact, slowly I am seeing an increase in love-arranged-marriages. Here, the boy/girl fall in love at their workplace etc. ... they tell their parents about this and the parents work on arranging the marriage in traditional manner. It is not very common yet but it is coming.


Do you think that this is what most Indian Hindu parents would do? Especially the non-religious ones?

As you may expect, the reaction would vary from person to person. Some may even try to commit suicide being ashamed to face the society.


I do think that even in an arranged marriage, the couple should get to know each other for quite a while first (at least 6 months). This is especially true since Hindus are against divorce.

Here, the onus lies on parents to take complete information regarding the family of the other side and the boy/girl. The family feeling in Indians goes too far .... and either the other family is known to some of your family (very extended) member or is related to you in some distant manner. So it becomes easy to know the details of the family and the boy/girl. It is not always possible ... normally, yes. Actually, if the family is good, you can expect that the boy/girl must have got similar samskars from his/her parents.

It is not that this system always succeeds but normally it doesn't fail in spite of people not getting spouse exactly what they expected or desired. This is because you are taught and expected to adjust and make the marriage a success and not work the other way round. It is considered a sacred relationship which you are supposed to respect at all costs.

OM

[TatTvamAsi]

To understand arranged marriage, you first need to understand what marriage means. Marriage, or vivAha, is the union of the soul, mind, and body. Marriage is a sanskar (sacrament) that is taken very importantly in civilized society (Hindu society). This union lasts for seven janmAs; or lifetimes. The karma of the individual bride and groom are forged into one. There is no "husband AND wife"; it is ONE. As a grhsta (householder), vivAha is a must. There are Hindus who have risen above these sanskars and don't marry but such a "choice" is not a choice at all; it is at their evolved level of understanding. Such people are saints.

There are several types of marriages in Hinduism and the most common is the Brahma vivAha where the bridegroom is carefully chosen by the bride's family. This groom should come from a strong background and a lot of due diligence goes into choosing such a person. After all, the parents are "giving away" their daughters once and for all. Why? This is because the wife adopts the gotrA of the husband and is seen as part of the groom's family. This is also why most Hindu men stay with their parents until his parents' demise. The wife comes into their household as their "daughter".

For outsiders, whose only goal is to have as much sex as possible with each other, living with people who care about you is seen as "weird" and cumbersome. Thus, ailing old parents, who are of no use to them anymore, are shipped off to a 'senior home' to rot. First world indeed! :rolleyes:

As Rajaji said, "Your love ends with marriage. Our love begins with it!"

Case in point: Al Gore and his wife, after being "married" for 40 years just separated because they 'grew apart'. LOL...

As somebody close to me said, "Westerners' relationships are like mixtures; they can be separated at any time. Hindus' relationships are like bonds; the differences between the particles (individuals) cease to exist once the BOND is formed!" It is absolutely true and the statistics prove it.

Answers to your 'questions':

1.) There is nothing to 'believe'. Marriage is only arranged. Otherwise, it is not a marriage at all!

2.) Not married yet. However, if my children want to get married, it will be arranged (pun intended). hahah..

3.) "deeply in love" is just another euphemism for lust in the west. That is why people who were married for 20+ years can wake up the next day and divorce the spouse.

If the child falls for dating and lustful relationships, then their education in Dharma has been lacking. They have to understand for themselves that such things like "deep love" are ephemeral. If they still want to go ahead, I will not stop it as he/she is his/her own individual; they have their karma to work through. I believe Devotee mentioned this as well.

4.) Regarding elope and marrying in secrecy, it is interesting to note that there are such marriages in Hinduism; they are called gAnDarVa vivAha. An example is SakuNtalA and DuSyanT who frolicked in the forests near Kanva Maharishi's Ashram and DuSyanT left leaving SakuNtalA alone and pregnant. She then gave birth to BharatA; India's namesake.

Another interesting marriage in Hindu custom is the rakSasA vivAha where the groom forcibly takes the "bride" (or woman) from her family and marries her. Funny thing is, according to a book I read, these kinds of marriages, although considered very bad, were normal for kSatriyAs in the days of yore! After all, Krishna himself grabbed Rukmini from her family and married her. Except; Rukmini loved Krishna and was being forced to marry some other person. Rukmi, her brother, gave chase but Krishna thrashed him and shaved half his head and half his mustache; the ultimate punishment for any kSatriyA. hahahhaa..

5.) Not married yet so not yet! ;)

The most hilarious fact is: 99.9% of western marriages are PaishAcha vivAha; the lowest form of "marriage". This is a marriage when a woman is seduced when she is intoxicated (ie. at a bar). LOLOL...

Again, you are only thinking in terms of individual interests and wants. Hinduism means SACRIFICE; real LOVE is SACRIFICE. The woman sees the husband as her lord and the husband sees the wife as part of him; there is NO SEPARATION in thought, mind, or deed. This is the underpinning of every Hindu marriage!


I'm curious as to the views of those on the board of the Hindu custom of parents arranging marriages for their children. So I have a few questions for you.

1. How many of you believe that marriages should be arranged by the parents instead of the Western system of dating, boyfriend/girlfriend relationships etc?

2. Are any of you going to arrange marriages for your children? Have any of you already done so?

3. If your son/daughter was discovered to have a girlfriend/boyfriend whom he/she was deeply in love with and intended to marry, would you permit them to marry or would you object on the basis that you should pick whom your son/daughter marries?

4. What would you do if your son/daughter eloped with someone you deemed unsuitable and got married in secret?

5. Has anyone here had an arranged marriage?

I can see some potential benefits (lower divorce rate, for example) but for me as a Westerner it would be strange to marry someone you've only met a few times. Especially if I were a girl, I would feel very hesitant about giving myself totally to someone I'd only met a few times. That's not to say I'm against the whole notion - it could be useful if your child has trouble finding a partner. But when my wife and I have children, I'll let them choose who to marry, and if they couldn't find anyone, I might introduce them to suitable Hindus of the opposite sex. However, I'd want them to get to know each other for at least a year before marriage.

[rcscwc]

I'm curious as to the views of those on the board of the Hindu custom of parents arranging marriages for their children. So I have a few questions for you.

1. How many of you believe that marriages should be arranged by the parents instead of the Western system of dating, boyfriend/girlfriend relationships etc?

2. Are any of you going to arrange marriages for your children? Have any of you already done so?

3. If your son/daughter was discovered to have a girlfriend/boyfriend whom he/she was deeply in love with and intended to marry, would you permit them to marry or would you object on the basis that you should pick whom your son/daughter marries?

4. What would you do if your son/daughter eloped with someone you deemed unsuitable and got married in secret?

5. Has anyone here had an arranged marriage?

I can see some potential benefits (lower divorce rate, for example) but for me as a Westerner it would be strange to marry someone you've only met a few times. Especially if I were a girl, I would feel very hesitant about giving myself totally to someone I'd only met a few times. That's not to say I'm against the whole notion - it could be useful if your child has trouble finding a partner. But when my wife and I have children, I'll let them choose who to marry, and if they couldn't find anyone, I might introduce them to suitable Hindus of the opposite sex. However, I'd want them to get to know each other for at least a year before marriage.

1. You leave little choice. Either this or that. In reality it is not such an either/or affair.

Arranged marriages are prefered to purely dated ones. Dating is mostly for looks, money etc. That is almost the sole critrion.

2. I already did so. Both my daughter and son are very, very happy and SATISFIED with life, and that is what you desire.

3. First I would thoroughly scrutnise the boy. He may not be even serious and may be out for some flirting. Or he may turn out to be a lout, not self supporting etc. If the boy is from some other faith, it is rejected summarily. The girl is in such cases will mostly back out on her own. But if she has an infatuation, she would be on her own. She cannot expect any support from parents.

Even dated marriages turn out to nearly arranged ones, with blessings from both sides.

4. Her business. But some communities do not take it kindly.

5. Almost ALL.

Reduced divorce rates are not the only thing. You must see why it is so. There is emotional and physical security for both. Our marriages are not for individuals only. Nor death parts us. Two families get united in emotional bond. They work for the welfare of each other.

[devotee]

Hindus' relationships are like bonds; the differences between the particles (individuals) cease to exist once the BOND is formed!"

Yes. In Hindu Marriage, the equation is :

1 + 1 = 1

it is not 1 + 1 = 2.

This is what my school teacher said decades back.

OM

[LALKAR]

Namaste,

sorry If I interfare

Marriage are not always arranged, but fate made

In Ramayan some were arrenged but in Mahabharat there is hardly a single marriage that was arranged

Ram and Sita married only after Ram broke Shiv Dhanush, by this Bharat-Mandvi, Lakshman-Urmila, Shatrudhan-Shrutikirti marriage were also arrenged by Janak- Dashrath as a mark of Ram-Sita marriage

But there is no evidence in Mahabharat,

[ScottMalaysia]

Can someone be a good Hindu if they disagree with the idea of arranged marriage?

[Avazjan]

Can someone be a good Hindu if they disagree with the idea of arranged marriage?

Certainly.

[devotee]

Can someone be a good Hindu if they disagree with the idea of arranged marriage?

Yes, why not ?

OM

[Eastern Mind]

Vannakkam Scott and all:

My marriage was a 'love' marriage. There are lots of successful marriages both ways, or a mixture of the two. Of all the Sri Lankan arranged marriages I know of, I only know two that failed. One was a PTSD survivor from the war, and another was because one of the partners became overly religious in a sudden way. Not all are that 'successful' if you define success as a lot of outward joy. You can feel and see the sadness in some. Still others are so together you can practically see the psychic binds. (It's really hard to figure out who is married to who in a temple setting as women and men don't intermingle much. For me the secret is to see people arrive or leave together in the same car.)

It is also not just a Hindu tradition. Eastern European cultures, Islam, royal families, and many others followed or follow it. Of course with karma there are no guarantees.

Aum Namasivaya

[rcscwc]

Can someone be a good Hindu if they disagree with the idea of arranged marriage?
Sure, sure.

[Darji]

I think it's a brilliant Idea, and I wish someone chose for me. Perhaps next time.

[SethDrebitko]

1. How many of you believe that marriages should be arranged by the parents instead of the Western system of dating, boyfriend/girlfriend relationships etc?

2. Are any of you going to arrange marriages for your children? Have any of you already done so?

3. If your son/daughter was discovered to have a girlfriend/boyfriend whom he/she was deeply in love with and intended to marry, would you permit them to marry or would you object on the basis that you should pick whom your son/daughter marries?

4. What would you do if your son/daughter eloped with someone you deemed unsuitable and got married in secret?

5. Has anyone here had an arranged marriage?
1. I think it can either way neither system is without flaw.
2. When myself and my fiancée have children I would be open to them finding a mate, but also to introducing them to someone we might meet.
3. Yes.
4. Nothing their walk is their own.
5. I have not, but I know people who have, and they have mixed opinions.

I think it is important to consider that primarily the divorce rate in the west has nothing at all to do with "love marriages" but instead a shift in values. For example historically the west had very little if any divorce until modernization began to occur.

I am a supporter of feminist movements but this elimination of a set role for each partner in relationships has caused a break in expectations. I think the divorce rate will continue the way it is until our society is more comfortable with these new variations on the family structure.