Arranged Marriages

[satay]

A number of countries of the world still practice the tradition of Arranged Marriages where the family of the person finds a suitable partner. This help of the family ranges from 'forceful' to 'advisory'. Some of the countries that I am aware of that practice this tradition are: India, Japan, China, some countries in the arab world e.g. Turkey.

However, I want to keep this discussion focused on the 'Indian' tradition of arranged marriages. The main reason for that is because I grew up in India as a boy and am familiar with the tradition.

Arranged Marriages in India are not 'evil' as the west thinks they are.

[orlando]

Namaste all.
One may read about arranged marriages in hindu tradition at http://www.worldebooklibrary.com/eBooks/HimalayanAcademy/SacredHinduLiterature/lws/lws_ch-23.html and http://www.worldebooklibrary.com/eBooks/HimalayanAcademy/SacredHinduLiterature/lws/lws_ch-24.html

A number of countries of the world still practice the tradition of Arranged Marriages where the family of the person finds a suitable partner. This help of the family ranges from 'forceful' to 'advisory'. Some of the countries that I am aware of that practice this tradition are: India, Japan, China, some countries in the arab world e.g. Turkey.

However, I want to keep this discussion focused on the 'Indian' tradition of arranged marriages. The main reason for that is because I grew up in India as a boy and am familiar with the tradition.

Arranged Marriages in India are not 'evil' as the west thinks they are.

Although they are not evil...they are wrong!
Why should someone have the right to estabilish if his son/daughter will be married in first place?
For example I am not still sure if I want to have a girlfriend/get marriad or if I want to be single.
By remaining single I will not have the same economical and/or familiar problems that a married person has got.
I consider Hinduism(particularly some hindu traditions and less some others) a very good and suited religion for the modern age and for the future.But I believe that things like arranged marriages have to be totally deleted from the book of Hinduism.
Regards,
Orlando.

[mblova]

For me, i find a forced arrainged marriage wrong. What has happened now is that people are given a choice among the males or the femals and they are allowed to "pick" who they want to marry. This does still seem forced and slowly the indian culture are starting to accept "Love" marriages. Ill write further on the topic when i have more time but i just wanted to get this in.

[Znanna]

I never married and have no children, so I really shouldn't speak on this, but :)

...it seems to me that even before birth we are dreaming our lives, so perhaps arranged marriage is appropriate for those whose marriages are arranged?


ZN

[atanu]

I never married and have no children, so I really shouldn't speak on this, but :)

...it seems to me that even before birth we are dreaming our lives, so perhaps arranged marriage is appropriate for those whose marriages are arranged?


ZN

...it seems to me that even before birth we are dreaming our lives, so perhaps arranged marriage is appropriate for those whose marriages are arranged?


Hehe haha. No doubt Vak is a lady in the Vedas.

Om Om Om

[nomar]

A number of countries of the world still practice the tradition of Arranged Marriages where the family of the person finds a suitable partner. This help of the family ranges from 'forceful' to 'advisory'. Some of the countries that I am aware of that practice this tradition are: India, Japan, China, some countries in the arab world e.g. Turkey.

However, I want to keep this discussion focused on the 'Indian' tradition of arranged marriages. The main reason for that is because I grew up in India as a boy and am familiar with the tradition.

Arranged Marriages in India are not 'evil' as the west thinks they are.


Arrange marriage as long as it's done in a liberal way is ok.

Nowadays parents just introduce the kids, they date for awhile and then if they wanna marry they can. So that type of arranged marriage is fine.

Another thing there is there's no arranged marriage in Hinduism, it's apart of Indian culture. It's not prescibed in Hinduism. You have to seperate a religion from the the people and the culture that practices it.

If people don't want an arranged marriage, fine. But for kids and parents that don't object, I think it's fine. No one has a right to say what another culture does is "wrong", because it doesn't fit into the western mode. You may not agree with it, that just makes it wrong for.

Arranged marriage will stay about of Indian culture and many other culture around the world(Asian and Middle Eastern/African). Despite western objection. Westerners need to learn how not to force their culture and opinions on others. Your way is one way of doing things.

However Western Hindus(Indian/Non-Indian alike) don't have to have an arranged marriage to be considered devout or strict. As far as hinduism is concerned you can marry who you want.

[Jigar]

Namaste,

Arrange marriage as long as it's done in a liberal way is ok.

However Western Hindus(Indian/Non-Indian alike) don't have to have an arranged marriage to be considered devout or strict. As far as hinduism is concerned you can marry who you want.

I agree, as long as it is liberal.

*Not trying to hijack the thread here but Are you saying that the hindu creator is not against inter-religious marriages? I think because of subliminal brainwashing that only an australian can have an arrangement accepted by hinduism. Others are not accepted either

Maste Nam,
Jigar

[nomar]

Namaste,


I agree, as long as it is liberal.

*Not trying to hijack the thread here but Are you saying that the hindu creator is not against inter-religious marriages? I think because of subliminal brainwashing that only an australian can have an arrangement accepted by hinduism. Others are not accepted either

Maste Nam,
Jigar

If your a religious person, then I really don't see how you can date or marry someone of a different religion. What would your kids be raised as? For most religious they marry someone from their same faith. And if you want your kids to follow the same tradition, then you should.

People who marry outside their religion, usually aren't religious to begin with.

[nomar]

bump thread

[Eastern Mind]

The Hindu community that I am with is composed of Sri Lankan Tamils, and yes arranged marriages are still common, if not the majority. There is also a definite trend towards love marriages, and occasionally inter faith. The arranged ones are for the most part quite liberal where the future partners meet each others families, go on 'coffee dates' etc., and absolutely have the right to say no to the arrangement. I think the anti arranged marriage people are biased by the western media's negative portrayal of the nasty 'follow the orders of the parents' type you here about, and aren't really given the whole picture. I can think of a few good reasons for arranged marriages:
1) The parents might be wiser and can act in your interest wisely. They may see things in the other family or proposal that the young person can't, simply because of experience. (The opposite could be true where the child is the wiser.)
2) If a person is very shy or traditional, it may be hard to meet potential mates in the 'dating' game. (This was true for my daughter, although she never would have allowed us to try to arrange one.)
3) Arranged marriages take the 'romance and lust'' out of it and are more realistic about the duties in a real marriage. Providing, nurturing, raising kids, communicating healthily, all of that. I believe 'romance and lust' without due thought about personality, common interests, or background is one of the reasons for the high divorce rate.
In my experience, the vast majority of Sri Lankan arranged marriages work out just fine, although I know of a few nasty exceptions. Marriage has a lot to do with the maturity of the persons involved, perhaps as much as 'compatibility'.. some people could get along with just about anyone, whilst others can't get along with anyone...just some thoughts..Aum Namashivaya

[saidevo]

It is not a question of which--arranged or love marriages--is the right way of approach because problems crop up in both the types, at least in some cases.

It is a question of the real purpose of the marriage, which is to procreate the family in order that the souls waiting to be reborn get their appropriate chance. Thus there is spiritually nothing more to marriage than being a filial duty for this sole purpose.

This is not to deny the exitence or practice of love in conjugal relationship, but it should be realized that any love among humans is only next to the love of God. All relationships, except that with God, are selfish in nature, in one way or another.

A parent knows a son or daughter far better than the son or daughter would know about his or her would-be even after 'going steady' for several years. And a parent would/should always have the best interests of their children, specially with regard to their marriage. Thus, the responsibility of marriage of their wards rests on the shoulders of the parents rather than on the children. The children accept at 'face value' the 'varan' (would be) selected by their parents for them and learn to love and live with the partner, keeping firmly the purpose and responsibilities of conjugal relationship.

It is another matter that in the gaga of the Western cultural influence, the Indian youth has all wrong notions of love, sex and marriage, and venture in those sacred areas without proper guidance, ending up in misery more often than not. Today's parents are also not mature enough to seek a good alliance for their children, so they shirk their responsibility which involves these days laborious, worrisome and sustained efforts and let their children go their own ways.

[Eastern Mind]

Saidevo : That was an excellent message. I agree wholeheartedly. The gaga as you put it is difficult for many to overcome. Aum Namashivaya