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hesh86
01 July 2011, 08:32 AM
Hello all,

I have a few questions to ask everyone based on a personal situation I am facing.
1. Is having a girlfriend/boyfriend before marriage a sin?
2. Is engaging in foreplay before marriage but without having sex considered a sin as per Vedic scriptures? If so, what is the repentance (prayaschit) for this?
3. How does one control one's sexual impulses?

Please advise. Thank you.

R Gitananda
18 September 2011, 01:24 AM
Namaste

I have just seen your question. As it has been a long time I assume that
you have found a solution, but I will share my perspective anyway.

1. Is having a girlfriend/boyfriend before marriage a sin?

One should not ask what is sin, that is a legalistic question. One should decide
what it is you want to accomplish and then ask yourself if it is wise. If you want
to uphold the highest then you must understand that reputation is part of chastity
and guarding a womans reputation is an important part of Dharma.

It is best for a young lady to have a chaperon with her in order to protect her reputation.
If this is not at all possible, then the woman should avoid being alone with a man in private.
Travel separately to meet at a public place and always dress conservatively. Of course
if you are living in your parents household, you must have their blessings to do any of this.

2. Is engaging in foreplay before marriage but without having sex considered a sin
as per Vedic scriptures? If so, what is the repentance (prayaschit) for this?

Why ask for Vedic scriptures when marriage itself is a Vedic rite? Sensual intimacy
is a prerogative of the marriage relationship and without the blessings those rites
confer your sensual activities are not sattvic and therefore will lead you to an
undesirable rebirth. For repentance, all I know is to renounce the activity,
refrain from doing it again and do japa daily to your Ishta Devata.

3. How does one control one's sexual impulses?

Daily before taking anything but water do japa to your Ishta Devata. For the rest
of the day when sensual thoughts come, start repeating japa - either verbally or
inwardly if necessary. My favorite is Om Namo Narayanaya. All sexual impulses
start with the mind dwelling on sensual thoughts.

"... the mind is restless and very difficult to restrain; but O Kaunteya, it
may be controlled by constant practice and non-attachment." BG 6:35

Hari Aum Shanti



Hello all,

I have a few questions to ask everyone based on a personal situation I am facing.
1. Is having a girlfriend/boyfriend before marriage a sin?
2. Is engaging in foreplay before marriage but without having sex considered a sin as per Vedic scriptures? If so, what is the repentance (prayaschit) for this?
3. How does one control one's sexual impulses?

Please advise. Thank you.

hesh86
18 September 2011, 02:55 PM
Thank you. I had not seen my post for two months now but decided to take a look at it only today. I was surprised to find that you replied today only. Thank you once again. I will do as you have advised, Sir.

hesh86
18 September 2011, 06:07 PM
Also, I should mention that I do have a girlfriend. She is a Christian American and I am a Hindu. Our parents know that we are dating. They do not know that we have been physically intimate. We had decided not to be physical, but we are young and hormonal I suppose. Anyway, we had decided not be physical anymore. I was expecting the above answer. I will take the advice and wait until we get married. I plan on proposing within the next 9 months.

Thank you.

R Gitananda
19 September 2011, 02:40 AM
Very well. I hope all goes well for you.

Aum Shanti



Also, I should mention that I do have a girlfriend. She is a Christian American and I am a Hindu. Our parents know that we are dating. They do not know that we have been physically intimate. We had decided not to be physical, but we are young and hormonal I suppose. Anyway, we had decided not be physical anymore. I was expecting the above answer. I will take the advice and wait until we get married. I plan on proposing within the next 9 months.

Thank you.

sm78
19 September 2011, 02:45 AM
Another opinion

1. Is having a girlfriend/boyfriend before marriage a sin?
Nope. cheating, exploiting someone for sex etc are definitely sin.

2. Is engaging in foreplay before marriage but without having sex considered a sin as per Vedic scriptures? If so, what is the repentance (prayaschit) for this?

What vedic scriptures have you in mind? Samhitas could care less about these things. Mahabharata has good examples where people had children outside marriage and were still regarded as possessing highest virtues. The word vedic is referred in very loose association in Hinduism, and I am sure one will find very conflicting evidence - since people had different views. What is known historically is Ancient India did not practice sexual conservatism, and since love marriage (~gandharva marriage) is indexed as one form of marriage even in the conservative brahmanical smiriti shastras, I would assume they were fairly common i.e having relationships before marriage.

However, you want repentence for sexual misconduct, I am sure one can find a variety of penances somewhere.

3. How does one control one's sexual impulses?
In the present world you will surely find many religious teachers teaching you meditational advice of how to conquer your lust. Its your choice which road you want to travel.

However, there is no need to control it is my opinion. Putting aside philosophy, modern medicine admits different people have very different sexual urges - from very high to none at all. It would be primitive to put everything in one box. As long as you are not upto crime and or is hurting someone in the process (by cheating etc) to fullfill your urges, what can be the harm? Human did not invent sexuality - it is god gifted, and must be enjoyed by those who can. Repressing sexuality and its expression is definitely however a human invention - and pretty painful and torturous perversion at that. But again, this is one way to look into it - and perfectly hindu.

sm78
19 September 2011, 02:56 AM
Also, I should mention that I do have a girlfriend. She is a Christian American and I am a Hindu. Our parents know that we are dating. They do not know that we have been physically intimate. We had decided not to be physical, but we are young and hormonal I suppose. Anyway, we had decided not be physical anymore. I was expecting the above answer. I will take the advice and wait until we get married. I plan on proposing within the next 9 months.

Thank you.

However, how much sexual liberty may I be in favour of, I must also add, that western (and now rampant in India, may be more) fixation on sex from early teens or before is definitely also highly counter productive. I don't know your age, but at teens I think its much better to exercise one's brain than one's weenus. It will be far more productive for the individual, the family and the society. When I see american teen soaps, it seems there is no other topic in this world except sex. A terrible intellectual drain. Sex should only be a topic (one of the many) in post teens years.

TatTvamAsi
20 September 2011, 12:29 PM
It is best for a young lady to have a chaperon with her in order to protect her reputation.
If this is not at all possible, then the woman should avoid being alone with a man in private.
Travel separately to meet at a public place and always dress conservatively. Of course
if you are living in your parents household, you must have their blessings to do any of this.

Namaste,

Saying something like that out loud will lead to severe opprobrium by almost everyone these days. It may be best for the people involved, but most people don't do what's best for themselves, let alone the society.

Would love to see the reactions of women who are told this though! haha..