Adhvagat
04 July 2011, 08:14 AM
This night I went to sleep very disturbed by a desire: I should fight for truth.
I must confess that sometimes I feel I have little purpose in this world and this ego needs to at least try to find something to feel "great" about.
The immature questioning wouldn't leave my head, it was like a hammer, that kept hitting me and hitting me: I should fight for the truth.
What is the truth? What is my truth? Do I know the truth? Will I ever? Even if I knew, would I be capable of upholding it?
I went to sleep so debilitated that my body temperature rose to pre-feverish states.
However I woke up with a very clear statement in my head, perhaps given to me, perhaps just "found" with already ingested information: You don't fight for truth, you become truth itself.
In this understanding becoming truth is higher, it's like sheer potency. Fighting for truth does not necessarily involves being truthful, being true to yourself, being self-realized, it can be a mistake, an injustified and out of place pride.
I don't really know why I'm writing all this, just like I don't know why I almost got feverish about it. If I say that it's higher than me, I need to make clear that this "me" is still very low. :)
I must confess that sometimes I feel I have little purpose in this world and this ego needs to at least try to find something to feel "great" about.
The immature questioning wouldn't leave my head, it was like a hammer, that kept hitting me and hitting me: I should fight for the truth.
What is the truth? What is my truth? Do I know the truth? Will I ever? Even if I knew, would I be capable of upholding it?
I went to sleep so debilitated that my body temperature rose to pre-feverish states.
However I woke up with a very clear statement in my head, perhaps given to me, perhaps just "found" with already ingested information: You don't fight for truth, you become truth itself.
In this understanding becoming truth is higher, it's like sheer potency. Fighting for truth does not necessarily involves being truthful, being true to yourself, being self-realized, it can be a mistake, an injustified and out of place pride.
I don't really know why I'm writing all this, just like I don't know why I almost got feverish about it. If I say that it's higher than me, I need to make clear that this "me" is still very low. :)