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lotus1
26 July 2011, 10:20 AM
Namaskar,

A few weeks ago, I sent a kind email to a local temple asking if they had any program or person who has stated they are willing to teach a person more about Hinduism. Yes, I know that overtly setting out to convert folks is not a Hindu concept; however, if an email is sent and information (and kindness!) is sought, seems that should be another case altogether. I was bothered that I received no reply. I forwarded the same email a week later, and nothing. I do not understand why in the spirit of love that I was not at least replied to and respectfully told that no there is no such person or program.
I am waiting for my "hurt feelings" to subside and then I may call to inquire. I do expect a kind reply. Am I wrong for "forcing" this? They posted their email address on their website. I feel discriminated against as if I am an 'outsider'.
I needed to vent here. I'm trying to get on with things but this was a roadblock to my spiritual quest!

NayaSurya
26 July 2011, 12:11 PM
This happened to me too...many many times and I never, to this day...receive a reply.

The thing I want to be talking to you about is that, often, these temples are run by volunteer and may not be so good at internet? Or that the website is ...never updated or checked?

Many many reasons, all of them not a reason to be discouraged?

Some, yes..in my case it was sheer unwilling attitude to help.

My suggestion is just go. Go ahead and take the risk, it not such a great risk anyway.:p

This is the only way to know if it was a simple mistake, or a temple that is very very distant to converts/adoptee?

In my case, and in any case. My sincerest advice is that no one can derail your spiritual quest but you. These others may not be willing to help, but that's okay. You can do this without them.

In the end, you can not change how they react to you, only how you respond.

So keep trying...go to the temple...and if then you feel as if they are unwelcoming...keep going. You are not there for them anyway<3

Any an all questions, I think can be answered here, partially or in whole. They are very wise here...so strive on!<3

Eastern Mind
26 July 2011, 12:34 PM
Vannakkam lotus: I will echo some of Naya's sentiments. The people are volunteers. They are probably overworked already. Volunteerism is a huge issue at many temples. To appoint someone to welcome outsiders isn't easy.

There may well be a language barrier. Many Indians here may consider explaining in English really hard. (In my experience, most are a lot better at English than they think they are)

Many are too humble to 'teach'. The attitude is 'I really don't know much at all, you need to see a swami, or someone far more qualified than me." (Again, in my experience, they usually know more than they think they do.)

Depending on how you worded your letter, it may come across to them as a huge request, such as setting up an ongoing FREE class on Hinduism. Again, this could be language barriers.

Some are wary of westerners, for many reasons.

If you can share the name of the temple with us, many of us could look at the website, and offer up what we know from a distance. also, there very well may be someone nearby from HDF or someone who knows someone who lives nearby.

I certainly second Naya's suggestion to just go. The sights and sounds of the experience will teach you a lot.

Aum Namasivaya

Sahasranama
26 July 2011, 12:38 PM
Namaskar,

A few weeks ago, I sent a kind email to a local temple asking if they had any program or person who has stated they are willing to teach a person more about Hinduism. Yes, I know that overtly setting out to convert folks is not a Hindu concept; however, if an email is sent and information (and kindness!) is sought, seems that should be another case altogether. I was bothered that I received no reply. I forwarded the same email a week later, and nothing. I do not understand why in the spirit of love that I was not at least replied to and respectfully told that no there is no such person or program.
I am waiting for my "hurt feelings" to subside and then I may call to inquire. I do expect a kind reply. Am I wrong for "forcing" this? They posted their email address on their website. I feel discriminated against as if I am an 'outsider'.
I needed to vent here. I'm trying to get on with things but this was a roadblock to my spiritual quest!

One has also take into consideration that many Hindu organisations are simply to lazy to answer their emails. I have sent some emails to some local Hindu organisations about language courses they were offering, but they never responded. So don't take it personal, most likely they are just lazy bastards who don't check their emails. If you meet them in person, they might react differently.

Believer
26 July 2011, 01:26 PM
....most likely they are just lazy bastards who don't check their emails....

Wow, what did you have for dinner tonight Sahas? :)
As a householder, holding a full time job with very little spare time at my disposal, no way I am going to be answering your emails. I am a volunteer, if you need something, just come to the temple and talk to me. My life does not revolve around your emails. ;)

Lotus1,
One of the deficiencies of Indian culture is non-acknowledgement. If I send some family pics to India, there will be no thank yous, no reply saying the pics were received, or you all look so good in those pics. Knowing that, it still bothers me when my emails are sometimes not even acknowledged. Same thing with a card. If you send a new year's card, the recipient is not obligated to run to a store and buy a card to reciprocate. You felt the need to send a card and got some joy out of it. It does not, in any way obligate the recipient to do the same for you. It is, what it is. One has to learn to not react to this anomaly in their behavior.

An 'in person' contact is appreciated lot more than one via an email or a phone call. So, JUST GO.

Culturally, accepting money for any work done for the temple is considered to be bad and in poor taste. What? - get paid to do something for the Lord? No way. So all work is done by volunteers. Without speculating on the motive, many of them are not willing/devoted volunteers. So, there is a built-in inefficiency. Also, as pointed out by EM, an average Hindu practitioner is too humble to admit that he knows a lot and could serve as a teacher to someone. They defer that to the temple priest, who in most cases is very learned in Sanskrit and other native languages, but not very proficient in the English language.

There are many many reasons why you will never get a reply and reacting with hurt feelings will be your loss, your missed opportunity. Instead of email or a phone call, just show up. You will be pleasantly surprised. Once you start going to the temple and doing what others are doing, and show a desire to learn about Hinduism, people might come out of the wood works to guide you. But no one is going to follow your routine of answering your emails or coming to your door to 'enlighten you'. Understand this difference between the Indian and Western mindset, be pro-active and deal with the situation. After all, you are the one who wants something. And you have to do what it takes to receive that something. Always have this attitude: 'No one owes me anything; this world was here before I came along. I have to strive to get what I want out of it.'

Here is an example of a member's first visit to a temple.
http://www.hindudharmaforums.com/showthread.php?p=68994#post68994

lotus1
26 July 2011, 01:33 PM
Thank you for all of your feedback.
I won't read too much into that experience anymore (yes, it could have been a number of reasons why no reply) and instead keep foraging on. I have actually been to this temple before. I suppose I can just go again and be there and see what I come across. I would really like to go regularly once I move back to that side of town (next month). I guess I had just hoped someone would reply and say "why yes! we have the perfect person who would meet with you to discuss about Hinduism." Heh, ah well.
I don't want to specify which temple but it is a temple (actually I sent to a couple) in the Dallas, TX area.

lotus1
26 July 2011, 01:56 PM
'No one owes me anything; this world was here before I came along. I have to strive to get what I want out of it.'

True, true.

I think that deep in my psyche is an ingrained responsiveness that the Christian faith conditioned me to have. Hinduism is a whole different global understanding of God and seeking God. And this difference comes out in many many ways! Being cleansed thoroughly of preconceived notions brought on by the christian upbringing that I came from has been a side-effect of my Hindu practices. When the spirit dwells among, it manifests in ways which I wouldn't have previously expected. I like the comment about being so humble and not sure if you are the person to ask. - I can see how that would come about as one focuses solely on their own relationship with God. My Hindu experiences have been less in your face and more authentic, protective and subtle. I think ultimately there is more trust in that as a whole for me. I remember superficial experiences I had in the Christian church, a false countenance in ways in which I was approached there. Perhaps I gave off that left over energy in my email. Hmm
Or perhaps there were just some lazy people, who knows. I guess going back to the overall point, it doesn't matter, I need to just go, be there and be open for authentic developments.

Okay, reset and move forward. :)

(As a side, I am sorry if I have offended anyone who is a christian lurker. I merely speak of my own experience and by no means think I am speaking for everyone's experience.)

Onkara
26 July 2011, 02:00 PM
Agreed. It can feel frustrating.
Perhaps a reply face to face will be worth more. :)

I have tried by email and not received a reply. I have visited and been treated with respect, kindness and instant inclusion.

Adhvagat
26 July 2011, 02:50 PM
Wow, what did you have for dinner tonight Sahas? :)

:p hahahahaha

AmIHindu
26 July 2011, 03:01 PM
Namaste,

I agree with NayaSurya. Most of the time volunteers work so they may not be checking your mails.

Another reason, They may not be using website at all. Temples are not computer savvy so if you need help take a visit.



I am waiting for my "hurt feelings" to subside and then I may call to inquire. I do expect a kind reply. Am I wrong for "forcing" this? They posted their email address on their website. I feel discriminated against as if I am an 'outsider'.
I needed to vent here. I'm trying to get on with things but this was a roadblock to my spiritual quest!Do not let your feelings and respect get hurt so easily you have to still go long way.

Eastern Mind
26 July 2011, 04:00 PM
I think that deep in my psyche is an ingrained responsiveness that the Christian faith conditioned me to have.


Vannakkam Lotus: I see just so much practical wisdom in this statement. In our enthusiasm to be Hindu, we shove the old ways under the carpet rather than actually cleaning them up. Then they resurface to create conflict. Of course we'd like to believe that they're not there, but they are. A bit like "Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic." It just doesn't magically disappear.

The effects of Christianity on Indian Hindus can be similar. I remember the days when North American temples were mostly just open Sundays. Some even had pews in them. (Still do, in places like South Africa, and elsewhere) Nobody wondered why. Yet its obvious.

Today most of the larger temples are open Saturdays and Sundays all day long, and each day of the week at least a bit in the morning and again in the evening. This reflects many people having a 5 day Monday to Friday job, and not the effect of the Christian world we live in: Sunday is a day of worship.

I see your statement as a wonderful realisation that there's more work to be done. Very commendable, and a step I don't often see in some converts.

Aum Namasivaya

BryonMorrigan
27 July 2011, 09:16 AM
Let me suggest two things:

1. Look over any pictures on their website of festivals, programs, etc. Do you see any Westerners there? If you do, then chances are...they are fairly open. If not, it still doesn't mean anything. We are a very tiny minority, you know...

2. CALL THEM. Some time ago, when first starting out, I was apprehensive about attending a temple, so I called to ask about what I should do. They put an old woman on the phone who talked my ear off for almost an hour. She practically made me PROMISE that I was going to come by! LOL.

Jainarayan
27 July 2011, 10:06 AM
The temple I am considering going to, either before or after work has the hours EM refers to. Open in the morning for services, then in the evening, and all day on Saturday and Sunday. I may make an evening stop on a day I'm not wearing jeans and t shirt to work. Or even on a weekend if I can time it when there is no service just to go, meditate and and pray, and get the lay of the land, so to speak. Maybe even meet a regular temple-goer or three.

That aside...

My Indian co-worker (who was kind enough to consult with his wife and mother about the proper timing of the Janmashtami fast this year) asked if I've been to temple. I said, "no I'm kind of afraid". He responded with "oh stop! just go!" :)