Caltha
06 August 2011, 08:31 PM
Namaste,
I've been reading these forums for maybe a year or more, but I wanted to be able to meet you, so I signed up.
I too am a western lady (in my 50's). My family was not religious in any sense, but I had a longing for God, and after reading the books of C.S. Lewis I immersed myself in Christianity when I was a teenager. I wasn't a part of any church, and I had never even been to a church. A friend of mine was in a lay Christian community (like a monastery but people can marry and they don't all live in one place) which I became a part of too a few years later as soon as I went away to college. I was also baptized into the Roman Catholic Church.
Many things about my life were difficult for me, and I was very depressed, which this community said meant that I had not given myself sufficiently to Jesus. In fact, they told me to leave the community for a period of time (6 months?) while I thought things through. They accepted me back after the six months were over and I tried to appear happier even though I wasn't.
When I left college I lived in another city and I couldn't bear to look for another community like that, which so condemning of a person's heart, although I continued with the church. After another year I went to work in a very poor country. My home country was very prosperous. My Christian faith only lasted a year or so in the new country because the people there suffered so much want, and so much terror of various armed people, and so much early and violent death (often preceded by torture), that I couldn't believe any more in the loving God described by Christianity. My prayers all turned into "Oh Lord, how can You let all this happen?"
After 7 years I returned to my home country. For many years (decades) I was agnostic, and hoped that I could be convinced back into Christianity but I just couldn't.
Then a year and a half ago a friend at work started giving Yoga classes before work. I had no idea at all what Yoga was except that it was physical and I thought I would probably be bad at it, but I had heard that it was good for you so I thought I'd give it a try. My friend gave us an asana practice twice a week and told us we should also practice by ourselves. So I got a book to help me in my home practice -- TVK Desikachar's *The Heart of Yoga* -- and was astounded by the things I read in it. This book has relatively few things to say about asana, but plenty to say about Hindu philosophy. It ends with the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali phrase by phrase in Sanskrit, then a literal and brief English translation, and then an elaboration and explanation by TVK Desikachar, who had studied it many times with his father.
I started having many questions and going to the Internet to find out more about Hinduism. (That's how I found the Hindu Dharma Forums.) I'm far more cautious than I was when I was young and joined that lay Christian community. It seems like I look around, and take another step and then another and then another. And so I have found myself on a spiritual path, but one that is very different from the Christian path, in that it is not a path of fear, and not a path of never being good enough, and not a path of having to never acknowledge what you learn and what you know because if you think the wrong thoughts you will be condemned to an eternity of torture.
And when I first read the Bhagavad Gita I was astounded to find some of my favorite parts of the writing of C.S. Lewis had come from the Gita, not from any Christian tradition. (C.S. Lewis wrote many books to convince people that Christianity is The Truth, and that if other religions have things in them that ring true it's because they are pointing to Christianity!)
Since I never participate in Christian celebrations, my co-workers keep trying to guess what I "am". Are you Muslim? they ask me. Are you Buddhist? They have never thought to ask me if I am Hindu, and my steps along my new path have been slow. A year ago, I would have thought that I would be lying if I had said "yes". But now -- according to my own understanding at least -- I am following a Hindu path and I never want to leave it. I am very shy to call myself Hindu, though, because nothing in my background or upbringing is Hindu, and I don't want to offend those who can more rightly claim the tradition.
It took me a long time to sign up for these forums, partly because I wanted to choose a good name. I chose Caltha because that is a flower that I have always loved (Marsh Marigold -- Caltha Palustris) and when I found out that it grows in the Himalayas as well as near my house, I thought it was a good name so I chose it.
Thank you for reading my autobiography so far!
(Yajvan, I have bookmarked your post with the names of Lord Shiva and I read it often.)
I've been reading these forums for maybe a year or more, but I wanted to be able to meet you, so I signed up.
I too am a western lady (in my 50's). My family was not religious in any sense, but I had a longing for God, and after reading the books of C.S. Lewis I immersed myself in Christianity when I was a teenager. I wasn't a part of any church, and I had never even been to a church. A friend of mine was in a lay Christian community (like a monastery but people can marry and they don't all live in one place) which I became a part of too a few years later as soon as I went away to college. I was also baptized into the Roman Catholic Church.
Many things about my life were difficult for me, and I was very depressed, which this community said meant that I had not given myself sufficiently to Jesus. In fact, they told me to leave the community for a period of time (6 months?) while I thought things through. They accepted me back after the six months were over and I tried to appear happier even though I wasn't.
When I left college I lived in another city and I couldn't bear to look for another community like that, which so condemning of a person's heart, although I continued with the church. After another year I went to work in a very poor country. My home country was very prosperous. My Christian faith only lasted a year or so in the new country because the people there suffered so much want, and so much terror of various armed people, and so much early and violent death (often preceded by torture), that I couldn't believe any more in the loving God described by Christianity. My prayers all turned into "Oh Lord, how can You let all this happen?"
After 7 years I returned to my home country. For many years (decades) I was agnostic, and hoped that I could be convinced back into Christianity but I just couldn't.
Then a year and a half ago a friend at work started giving Yoga classes before work. I had no idea at all what Yoga was except that it was physical and I thought I would probably be bad at it, but I had heard that it was good for you so I thought I'd give it a try. My friend gave us an asana practice twice a week and told us we should also practice by ourselves. So I got a book to help me in my home practice -- TVK Desikachar's *The Heart of Yoga* -- and was astounded by the things I read in it. This book has relatively few things to say about asana, but plenty to say about Hindu philosophy. It ends with the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali phrase by phrase in Sanskrit, then a literal and brief English translation, and then an elaboration and explanation by TVK Desikachar, who had studied it many times with his father.
I started having many questions and going to the Internet to find out more about Hinduism. (That's how I found the Hindu Dharma Forums.) I'm far more cautious than I was when I was young and joined that lay Christian community. It seems like I look around, and take another step and then another and then another. And so I have found myself on a spiritual path, but one that is very different from the Christian path, in that it is not a path of fear, and not a path of never being good enough, and not a path of having to never acknowledge what you learn and what you know because if you think the wrong thoughts you will be condemned to an eternity of torture.
And when I first read the Bhagavad Gita I was astounded to find some of my favorite parts of the writing of C.S. Lewis had come from the Gita, not from any Christian tradition. (C.S. Lewis wrote many books to convince people that Christianity is The Truth, and that if other religions have things in them that ring true it's because they are pointing to Christianity!)
Since I never participate in Christian celebrations, my co-workers keep trying to guess what I "am". Are you Muslim? they ask me. Are you Buddhist? They have never thought to ask me if I am Hindu, and my steps along my new path have been slow. A year ago, I would have thought that I would be lying if I had said "yes". But now -- according to my own understanding at least -- I am following a Hindu path and I never want to leave it. I am very shy to call myself Hindu, though, because nothing in my background or upbringing is Hindu, and I don't want to offend those who can more rightly claim the tradition.
It took me a long time to sign up for these forums, partly because I wanted to choose a good name. I chose Caltha because that is a flower that I have always loved (Marsh Marigold -- Caltha Palustris) and when I found out that it grows in the Himalayas as well as near my house, I thought it was a good name so I chose it.
Thank you for reading my autobiography so far!
(Yajvan, I have bookmarked your post with the names of Lord Shiva and I read it often.)