How to best build tolerance?
Namaste,
One of the best ISKCON teachings is that one ought to be as humble as a blade of grass and as tolerant as a tree.
Coming to the second virtue, namely tolerance, is where I have issues.
Let me cite an example.
A simple situation. I know someone through Facebook, who is not a close friend, but we have communicated pretty thoroughly in the past over phone. She has confided in me that she pretty much leads a miserable life on many fronts. In fact, she disclosed so much that I had to stop her.
That aside, after a long gap, today I sent her some good wishes through WhatsApp asking after her welfare. Although WhatsApp says she read it (with the double Blue tick marks), she never replied. And I noticed she was active in Facebook the whole day today.
That pissed me off so much I made a post in Facebook, "Some people are so miserable in life their misery is contagious should you contact them".
I know I sound thoroughly mean, it is like hurting one further where they precisely ache.
Normally I am not mean, I am more of a well-wisher of sorts. But one could say I'm not very tolerant. Dissing me for no reason pisses me off, very much.
So my question is how do I build upon that tolerance? It may be that japa and upavasa could be measures that build on this virtue, really, but then they would take an entire lifetime to see results as they are slow. Unless one can do japa every moment of their waking hours, that is.
May be this is why ISKCON advices its disciples to do book distribution, as it really would build tolerance.
I welcome advice on how to build tolerance, to be like a tree.
Many thanks.
Re: How to best build tolerance?
Namaste Viraja
On the same I am working, my progress is middle, but there is a progress in general but not in one specific case.
I had a loveless mother. She did not like me but was very kind to other children. When I find myself in a situation where I feel left out or ignored, if there is someone more friendly to the other than to me I sometimes freak out. Psychologists call that 'trigger'.
That is what separates us humans from a tree and a grass. We are individuals, have feelings, emotions, vasanas, samskaras. To work on it is important. Suppressing does not lead to the goal. Reading Osho on this is very helpful.
I have a basic resistance to man-made rules, who lump all people together and use analogies that make no sense.
‘Tolerance of a tree’ is a measurement, that indicates the capacity of a tree to grow in the shade of and in association with other trees. A tree that needs much sunlight and space around himself is an ‘intolerant tree’. But this does not mean he is a bad tree. To need light and space is his nature.
Osho – translated from a German book: You are here because life needs you as you are. Otherwise someone else would be here, otherwise creation would not have helped you to be here, it would not have created you. You are fulfilling an essential function, something very meaningful, just as you are. Had God wanted Buddhas, He could have created as many Buddhas as He wanted. But He created only one, that was enough. Now He created you. Think how much the universe appreciates you with this. A blade of grass is needed, as is the largest star. Without that blade of grass, God would be less than He is. A cuckoo is as important as a Buddha. The world would be less, less rich if there were no cuckoo. Everything is needed and everything fits together. It's an organic entity.
Pranam
Re: How to best build tolerance?
Namaste IndiaLover,
Very true! Self-acceptance along with one's pluses and minuses goes a long way in emotional growth and adjustments. This also makes me think that accepting others along with their pluses and minuses would help one become a more tolerant person.
I'm sure you have come across the tales of some saintly humans who, when spitted upon, bathed all over again and again but returned back with a smile and after a dozen times, threw their enemies into wonder and thus conquered their hearts with love! This surely is superhuman and it is not possible for all of us to become like this overnight.
I was just thinking may be, non-reaction is the first and foremost step needed in the direction. The other day, I took a long walk joking over things with my husband and this lifted up my sunken spirits back again and then I forgot about the whole thing.
Tolerance is a big thing, as I come to realize it now. I'm 50 years of age and still lacking in this virtue. But then, I think, it takes lifetimes to acquire this virtue.
I'm sorry to learn about your mum. It is our early years with parents that give us the most cherished memories in a lifetime and I feel sorry they are sullied because of lack of love from a parent.
Thank you for your reply!
Warm regards,
Viraja
Re: How to best build tolerance?
Namaste Viraja,
Your post brought Mahisa Jataka, No. 278, where the Bodhisattva was a buffalo, into my mind.
He was bothered by a monkey, but did not react. A tree spirit asked him why he does not kill him and the buffalo gave this wise answer: Inflicting grief on others to overcome one’s own discomfort is no virtue. As the result of such acts shall not bear the fruits of true happiness. Yet, he added that one day the monkey would have his lesson; but then he would be saved from the guilt of inflicting pain on the other.
Later another buffalo killed the monkey, who bothered him.
The difference is, one buffalo was a Bodhisattva, the other buffalo was a buffalo.
Not everyone is mature enough to practice all virtues at all times. That we have to take into consideration for us as well.
https://ignca.gov.in/online-digital-resources/jataka-stories/007-the-story-of-a-buffalo/
Pranam
Re: How to best build tolerance?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Indialover
Namaste Viraja,
Your post brought Mahisa Jataka, No. 278, where the Bodhisattva was a buffalo, into my mind.
He was bothered by a monkey, but did not react. A tree spirit asked him why he does not kill him and the buffalo gave this wise answer: Inflicting grief on others to overcome one’s own discomfort is no virtue. As the result of such acts shall not bear the fruits of true happiness. Yet, he added that one day the monkey would have his lesson; but then he would be saved from the guilt of inflicting pain on the other.
Later another buffalo killed the monkey, who bothered him.
The difference is, one buffalo was a Bodhisattva, the other buffalo was a buffalo.
Not everyone is mature enough to practice all virtues at all times. That we have to take into consideration for us as well.
https://ignca.gov.in/online-digital-resources/jataka-stories/007-the-story-of-a-buffalo/
Pranam
Very nice thoughts, IndiaLover!
It would also be interesting to know if intolerance stems from angry disposition/wrathful nature or it is a function of the ego.
Warmly,
Viraja
Re: How to best build tolerance?
Om
Namaste and Hare Krishna
When will the tolerance increase ?
If one has more and more patience, the tolerance increases
If one starts accepting the external events as natural and as purposed by God then tolerance increases
If one's love starts expanding the tolerance also starts to increase.
Our tolerance being a function of the above three, it can be observed that our tolerance span varies differently in different areas. If one loves books then he is tolerant about spending more time in regards to books. If one loves singing, he will be more tolerant about anything related to it. But if one doesn't like the finance, he will feel irritated easily, if he has to deal with it.
So love for a subject, patience and ability to accept contribute mostly towards tolerance. All of these are again linked to how intense one is rooted in Him.
Still we being humans will have to face our limitations on the way towards maturing in the above 3 areas. In those cases, it is better to avoid those situations, where our resistances are more and leave it for the future, when our mind becomes more wise and stable in those areas to start accepting more and more.
Meanwhile one should enrich himself with more and more knowledge, love and devotion.
Best wishes
Om
Re: How to best build tolerance?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
kallol
So love for a subject, patience and ability to accept contribute mostly towards tolerance. All of these are again linked to how intense one is rooted in Him.
Still we being humans will have to face our limitations on the way towards maturing in the above 3 areas. In those cases, it is better to avoid those situations, where our resistances are more and leave it for the future, when our mind becomes more wise and stable in those areas to start accepting more and more.
By far, the most compellingly useful advice on the subject! I really appreciate this insight.
Many thanks,
Viraja
Re: How to best build tolerance?
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Indialover
Namaste Viraja,
Your post brought Mahisa Jataka, No. 278, where the Bodhisattva was a buffalo, into my mind.
He was bothered by a monkey, but did not react. A tree spirit asked him why he does not kill him and the buffalo gave this wise answer: Inflicting grief on others to overcome one’s own discomfort is no virtue. As the result of such acts shall not bear the fruits of true happiness. Yet, he added that one day the monkey would have his lesson; but then he would be saved from the guilt of inflicting pain on the other.
Later another buffalo killed the monkey, who bothered him.
The difference is, one buffalo was a Bodhisattva, the other buffalo was a buffalo.
Not everyone is mature enough to practice all virtues at all times. That we have to take into consideration for us as well.
https://ignca.gov.in/online-digital-resources/jataka-stories/007-the-story-of-a-buffalo/
Pranam
This sounds good but let us understand our history of being colonized because we did not hit back! First the Mughals who conquered us, imposed Taxes on non-Muslims, many poor Hindus converted to Islam because of this & today their descendants hate us!
And then the British - who never settled here - they came to loot and loot they did!
I am an Admirer of Gandhiji, bless him, but he was helped by the fact that India was dead - there was no more blood left to drink, no more meat on the bone for the British Vulture and so they left
India was dirt poor when the left
How many poor people die because of inadequate health care - unable to afford proper care? Millions!
Several times during their rule, famines killed MILLIONS of families! These could have been prevented but the British simply did not care!
They let these people STARVE to death!
We must be tolerant but that does not mean we tolerate intolerance, wear a kick-me sign on our backs
That is the lesson of the Mahabharata - when the Pandavas killed their own relatives, loved ones like their Grandfather Bheeshma, their Teacher Drona and so many cousins and other relatives in the pursuit of what is right, what is Dharmic!
Re: How to best build tolerance?
Namaste,
Quote:
Originally Posted by
RamaRaksha
I am an Admirer of Gandhiji, ...
At the time of partition, Hindus and Muslims were supposed to move to their respective lands. Hindus did this but Muslims were encouraged to stay in India and be part of the progressive secular fabric. Over the decades their numbers have shot up dramatically through 1. high birthrates and 2. through conversion of Hindus (intimidation/love jihad etc.). Where do we stand now? India is on track to become a Muslim nation. Once the muslim numbers reach 30%, the pressure on the disadvantaged members of society will become unbearable leading to accelerated conversions and a number of 50% will mean convert or die for the rest. Iran was 100% Zoroastrian before it became 100% Muslim. Afghanistan, P/Stan and B/Desh were 100% Hindu/Buddhist before they became Muslim. So, it is only a matter of time for the remaining land-mass called India to reach its destiny.
Who sowed the seeds of destruction of Hindu culture - GandhiBaba, by taking the moral high ground and asking Muslims in India not to move and ensuring their safety, well-being and special status as a priveleged minority. Should I admire this non-pragmatic, sole destroyer of Sanatan culture and traditions?
Pranam.
Re: How to best build tolerance?
Namaste ji,
I am member of a Facebook forum. So far, it was good membership. But off-late, the moderator became very greedy and advertised his forum to no end and many unscrupulous people joined recently.
I long since write a lot about religion, bhakti, devotion, gurus, etc in that forum. Recently I posted an interesting topic on an important Hindu belief. At the time of this post, I was unaware how cheap the audience of that forum had gotten to be.
There came a powerful taunt to my post by a woman who literally abused me for posting about that Hindu belief.
I became really upset and I retaliated to her, using her own example.
For that, some other men came forth and said, "I can no way be spiritual, judging me by my other posts, because if so, I should not retaliate to the above woman".
So this is how people react these days.
If you say you are spiritual, their judgement is that you should then be a loser. They are ready to cite examples of saints of yore, who would not reciprocate even when spitted on the face and say that we, the believers should practice that, if we say we are spiritual.
Therefore I see the point in your argument and I totally agree with that.
Pranam.
