Hugging

[Twilightdance]

On the flip side, the Tamil woman who invited me to her home recently fully embraced me in what I would call just short of a "bear hug" on only my second meeting with her...and we were at the Temple. I was surprised, not because she was hugging me at temple, but because she was hugging me without knowing me that well. But it was nice too, so I hugged her back.

Another older woman at the temple (in her late 40s maybe?) will reach out her right arm as I approach and put it around me. It's not technically a hug I guess, but I return the gesture when she initiates.

These are generally norms, putting your arms around the shoulder of a friend is something very very common sight on any Indian street, virtually never seen in the west. So they are not the flip side of things as you assume.

And it should not be a surprise since Indian culture still values emotional closeness and dependence much more than west, which regards individuality highly. So people in the west keep their distances, and only physical closeness we see there are of sexual nature.

[Eastern Mind]

But generally speaking the above is a completely wrong view about Indian/ Hindu society.

Vannakkam Td: Yes, I agree with you. I guess I'm thinking of a different style of hugging, the one in the west, that just feels 'awkward' somehow. You might see it at dance clubs, outdoor music festivals, and the like. Within new-age pseudo-Hinduism, its also big.

But yes,I have been to India, believe it or not, and I hear you.

Aum Namasivaya

[Believer]

Namaste,

.........modern Indian culture [shaped by Islamic and Christian morals]

That always makes me puke, Hindu culture being shaped by Islamic and Xitian morals??????
How long are we going to continue to blame others for everything we do?

Pranam.

[Seeker123]

Having grownup in India I know that putting your arm around your friend's shoulder (only of the same gender) is very common, so is holding hands. But I think this practice becomes less common as the people age. With the opposite sex even shaking hands is less common but becoming more so nowadays. In the USA I found it very odd that strangers of opposite sex sometimes would kiss on their cheek when they met. I have always avoided that and instead settled for a handshake. When meeting Indians a head nod or raising your right hand to acknowledge is sufficient, a pranam for more formal. For sages of course touching their feet is most appropriate. In North India it is common for kids to touch the feet of their parents.

I have not heard about not making eye contact. Most Hindus do make eye contact. Just curious if the Vedas address it.

[Sahasranama]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjsXTaBfHkY

[charitra]

During 90s, while working in Iran I was introduced to a mullah in a hallway at my workplace, I extended my hand to shake hands with him as is often the case. To my thorough displeasure the bloke took my hand, loudly demanded ‘give me a kiss’ and hugged me, and much worse made an attempt to plant a kiss on my cheek.

Alingan( hug) in India, between same genders is not uncommon , like encircling one hand around the shoulders and going for a partial ‘side hug’ if you will. But ‘Cheek to cheek brush’ seen in west between opposite sexes is never seen. Cheek kissing between same genders seen in muslim societies again never happens among hindus. Alingan across gender barrier does happen in some rare cases happens in India; a girl/woman hugging her grand father or a grand son is not frowned upon.

Probably that is the reason a Namaste with both hands folded in front of chest makes the most ingrained greeting gesture among hindus. Instead of opening arms they are closed whilst at the sametime keeping the heart wide open. Hands in Namaste preemptively exclude someone’s hugging. Hand shaking between opposite sexes is a common occurrence in corporate setting though. In commonwealth games, held a couple of years ago at Delhi, the foreign participants were cautioned against hugging and kissing Indian people!! Namaste.

[McKitty]

Vanakkam,

Strange, I heard on the contrary that in muslim countries direct contact like hugging was very common, even among the same sex Oo

In my country it's just being polite, the way to say hello. The kiss on the cheek have nothing sexual or anything else, it's social norm. Mens don't kiss, they shake hands or just wave, but womens kiss each others and men and woman kiss too to say hello
On the cheek, of course !

I was even very surprised, when I met a friend from east of France (I'm from south) who was used in his place to kiss 4 times (2 times on each cheek) to say hello ! Funny awkward situation, even from people of the same country you see !

I don't see anything wrong with that, it's just a matter of culture, it's not a contest on who's superior to who because of the way they say hello !

Of course if I'm in front of someone from a different culture, I would never kiss him/her like I do with people of my country. I never kissed anyone in India, and even less my japanese friends. If there have to be a hug or a kiss, I wait to see if it comes from the other side.

In Tamil Nadu I was hugged and kissed by a woman, after we get to know each other well. She was a mother, more seeing me like a daughter than a friend, but still she did that out of joy

I found this very interesting to know more about those different ways to greet ! Hugging for exemple vary very much in my country. We hug between friends and with all genders. But never to strangers, it's considered violating personal space.
I often get hugged by a male friend, it's just showing affection and giving comfort.

At buisness or with a boss or a superior, never kiss or hug, never D: always shaking hands. Refusing to shake hands can be a show of disrespect =/

I guess we have to learn how we greet each other in the world and adapt each others !

Aum Namah Shivaya

[charitra]

Vanakkam,

Strange, I heard on the contrary that in muslim countries direct contact like hugging was very common, even among the same sex

Yes in muslim lands men hug eachother and kiss on cheeks all the time, you heard it right. They seldom confine to shaking hands.

[Brishti]

Why should one avoid eye contract? Could you tell me more about this?

I only heard to avoid direct eye contact with elders who discipline you. Because directly staring back at their eyes, makes it seem if you are rebelling against their discipline, and that's not polite. So its mainly about respect.

[TatTvamAsi]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TjsXTaBfHkY

Necro thread revive.. but just saw that video and was laughing.

I especially liked those comments of some "Kantii Prasad" who gives some good pointers on MANHOOD as defined by cultures. Food for thought...