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Thread: Mixed Marriages

  1. #21
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    Re: Mixed Marriages

    Quote Originally Posted by Eastern Mind View Post

    But then on Sunday last, and the upcoming Sunday, a few families will be 'missing', because Mom or Dad wants to take the kids to church to 'provide some balance'.


    Aum Namasivaya
    I'd like to comment here that I do agree (mostly) that trying to raise children in two religions is probably not a good idea. Educating them on other cultures and religions, yes, absolutely - but trying to make children reconcile complicated religious differences leads to confusion. We don't have children yet, but we agreed after many conversations that my husband would be responsible for raising the kids Catholic if we ever have any. This was decided for two reasons. 1. At the time, I wasn't Hindu anyway, so it didn't matter to me and 2. The Catholic church makes the Catholic partner promise to raise the children Catholic. (not that they check up on you but it's something that is important to my husband to some degree..the whole, sticking by your word thing)

    But even now that I'm Hindu, I don't have a problem with this, as long as he's committed to following through. As a Hindu and as his partner my responsibility (partially) is to help him keep his promise by not trying to muddle things up by taking the kids to temple every other weekend. As long as the kids grow up with healthy, loving temperaments and personalities, they could worship Popsicles if it makes them happy.

    We also agreed that if we get to that point (of having kids) and he doesn't feel his faith is strong enough to meet the task, I would raise them Hindu. The point is, one way or another, only ONE religion to start them off. Then they can do the hard work later by trying to figure out what they really believe once their older. We all had to do it, so they don't get any special privileges

    There are, of course a dozen other smaller compromises involved in this decision but I'll leave them out because this is already too long
    "God will not have his work made manifest by cowards."
    ~Ralph Waldo Emerson


  2. #22
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    Re: Mixed Marriages

    Quote Originally Posted by Jodhaa View Post


    There are, of course a dozen other smaller compromises involved in this decision but I'll leave them out because this is already too long
    Vannakkam: I'm glad you talked about it. Some couples don't even get that far.

    This mixed marriage thing is a very recent development. I remember as a kid how the Catholic priest would refuse to marry a Protestant and a Catholic. In my home town it would cause quite the stir. When my cousin married a Catholic, her husband to be quit the Catholic Church over it. That was only 30 years back.

    Aum Namasivaya

  3. #23
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    Re: Mixed Marriages

    Quote Originally Posted by Eastern Mind View Post
    Vannakkam: I'm glad you talked about it. Some couples don't even get that far.

    This mixed marriage thing is a very recent development. I remember as a kid how the Catholic priest would refuse to marry a Protestant and a Catholic. In my home town it would cause quite the stir. When my cousin married a Catholic, her husband to be quit the Catholic Church over it. That was only 30 years back.

    Aum Namasivaya
    It still is a bit like that in some ways. I had to prove I was mentally sound in order to get approval to be married in the Catholic Church with my husband. They make you take marriage counseling (Which is great, no matter what you believe) but they also ask you about your mental health history. Being the honest person I am I commented that I had received treatment for depression at some point years ago and what followed was an intense background check into whether for not I knew what I was getting into. I think they also still won't marry you if you've been divorced before. I cold be wrong about that though.
    "God will not have his work made manifest by cowards."
    ~Ralph Waldo Emerson


  4. #24

    Re: Mixed Marriages

    Quote Originally Posted by Jodhaa View Post
    It still is a bit like that in some ways. I had to prove I was mentally sound in order to get approval to be married in the Catholic Church with my husband. They make you take marriage counseling (Which is great, no matter what you believe) but they also ask you about your mental health history. Being the honest person I am I commented that I had received treatment for depression at some point years ago and what followed was an intense background check into whether for not I knew what I was getting into. I think they also still won't marry you if you've been divorced before. I cold be wrong about that though.
    Namaste,

    Yes, correct. You have to get any previous marriages annulled by the Catholic Church first, which is a lengthy process.

    And I had the same inquiry into my mental health. Pretty strange.

  5. #25

    Re: Mixed Marriages

    Quote Originally Posted by Eastern Mind View Post
    But then on Sunday last, and the upcoming Sunday, a few families will be 'missing', because Mom or Dad wants to take the kids to church to 'provide some balance'.
    But what better place to find balance than a nice Hindu mandir?

    I assume these are "mixed" families?

    I absolutely had to marry someone with the same spiritual values and views as myself (or I would not have married at all). One can and should be friends with all kinds of people. But one's life partner needs to be someone with whom one can be in as close to perfect harmony as possible. This is not so much a question of religious labels (I'm not criticizing mixed couples here) as of what one takes to be of ultimate importance. If the person to whom one is closest does not share that, I would think that would be very difficult.

    I'm sorry, but the comment about "providing balance" really bugs me. This is in a Western country where the entire culture is saturated with Christian influence. But going to the mandir needs to be "balanced" with a visit to a church? Some people...

  6. #26
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    Re: Mixed Marriages

    Quote Originally Posted by Jeffery D. Long View Post
    I absolutely had to marry someone with the same spiritual values and views as myself (or I would not have married at all). One can and should be friends with all kinds of people. But one's life partner needs to be someone with whom one can be in as close to perfect harmony as possible.
    Thought I'll add a little joke in here.

    I cannot, for example, imagine someone who is even slightly different, such as one who doesn't eat my 'idli' and 'sambar' for his snack! Life will be so tough if the life partner eats something completely different, and speak of spiritual values.. they really have got to vibe or else, it will be quite a challenge.
    jai hanuman gyan gun sagar jai kapis tihu lok ujagar

  7. #27
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    Re: Mixed Marriages

    Quote Originally Posted by Jeffery D. Long View Post
    But what better place to find balance than a nice Hindu mandir?

    I assume these are "mixed" families?

    I absolutely had to marry someone with the same spiritual values and views as myself (or I would not have married at all). One can and should be friends with all kinds of people. But one's life partner needs to be someone with whom one can be in as close to perfect harmony as possible. This is not so much a question of religious labels (I'm not criticizing mixed couples here) as of what one takes to be of ultimate importance. If the person to whom one is closest does not share that, I would think that would be very difficult.

    I'm sorry, but the comment about "providing balance" really bugs me. This is in a Western country where the entire culture is saturated with Christian influence. But going to the mandir needs to be "balanced" with a visit to a church? Some people...
    Vannakkam: You would not believe some of the stuff I've encountered, but I won't go into details here as I don't want to discourage those already in a mixed marriage. (Hint ... things like parents using different names for the same child.)

    But I'm in total agreement with you personally.

    Aum Namasivaya

  8. #28
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    Re: Mixed Marriages

    Quote Originally Posted by Eastern Mind View Post
    (Hint ... things like parents using different names for the same child.)
    Oh for goodness sake. Sounds like a battle of the egos to me
    "God will not have his work made manifest by cowards."
    ~Ralph Waldo Emerson


  9. #29
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    Re: Mixed Marriages

    Quote Originally Posted by Jodhaa View Post
    Oh for goodness sake. Sounds like a battle of the egos to me
    Vannakkam: She was French Canadian Catholic, he was from Tamil Nadu. I can't remember the name of the child, but it was one of those that, with an easy switch, could be either Hindu or Christian, with only a slight adjustment. Something like Nathan ... as in Swaminathan for the Hindu side. We were there for coffee one night, he'd invited us. You could feel the tension in the air. They divorced. She got the kids.

    Aum Namasivaya

  10. #30

    Re: Mixed Marriages

    Namaste,

    I support mixed marriages if it is out of love and consent of both people involved.
    Last edited by Sudas Paijavana; 17 January 2014 at 07:58 PM.

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