Anger, Depression, Apathy

[SeekingPeaceOfMind]

Namaste members,

I have been trying to find a mantra which I will find beneficial, primarily I feel fine reciting a mantra but then sooner or later I hit a brick wall where during the meditation or after I feel irritable and angry. I am making a sincere effort to reach out to the divine and as of right now I am not getting a response that I like, it is as if hostility builds within me and I become depressed and disenchanted.

I wish I could be given a clear sign by the divine that all is well but all I am getting right now is a feeling of being repelled, what does this mean? What could it signify?

Thanks,
Seeking.

[JaiMaaDurga]

Namaste Seeking,

Have you ever seen a cat get its claw snagged in such a way
that it cannot extract it without help, yet due to the anxiety
provoked by the dilemma, will not relax enough to allow the gentle
and quick repositioning and lifting up and forward of the paw
that would free it?

Consider that the case may be similar here; the feeling of being
repelled could be an indication that there is too much expectation
of result, and it is in this sense that the expression "a watched pot
never boils" holds true. Perhaps do not focus as much on what mantra
is best, or what is "supposed to happen", but instead remember those
moments in life when you have not been anxious, ecstatic, or pre-
occupied with any particular inner state- those moments, however
fleeting, where there was enough lack of turmoil to cease qualifying
your immediate experience, and all was simply as it was.

Do not fault yourself for having a restless mind, for that is its nature;
yet, just as Mahishasur changes form to evade defeat, and is killed in the
process of changing forms, so too the mind's chatter can be killed
by "catching it in the act".

Please remember that this reply is the product of a flawed and imperfect
mortal, only able to reflect my own limited perception; any error is
mine, but it is my wish that some benefit is found.
May Devi bless your steps of your journey-

JAI MATA DI

[Believer]

Namaste,

Some more pointers from another 'flawed and imperfect mortal':

Chanting, meditation, puja, penance should not be done with the expectation of quick results. This is not like turning a tap on, whereby a twist of the handle will produce instant results and give you water.

If I cannot calm myself down with chanting etc., it is my fault. I was not sincere enough, my mind was somewhere else when I was mechanically doing the chanting, or I was thinking about the results I should see when I was going through the motions of chanting. The fault lies with me, never with the divine. I push myself away from Him by being insincere or having an element of greed for results within me. He never pushes me away.

If random thoughts come to my mind when I am trying to meditate, I acknowledge them and then let them go, without dwelling on them. This enables me to come back to the devotional attitude and continue with my meditation.

Hope some of this will resonate with you and lead you to have some peace.

Pranam.

[SeekingPeaceOfMind]

@JaiMaaDurga & @Believer, I think there is some level of me being too attached to the results of my practice but there is also this inner resentment and a bitterness even towards the outside world.

I don't want to be an angry person, a person with so much disliking and depression in me, I wish to be more compassionate, loving and in the moment but it is difficult when the problems keep piling up. I used to be such a calm and gentle person, someone with a lot of love in me for all but somehow that changed.

Perhaps Mantra cannot help in those areas, what are peoples thoughts on Aham Prema? Is it an authentic mantra and does it make sense in Sanskrit. I wish to heal so badly. I think I need to heal on the inside before I can even truly have the inspiration and confidence to change the external.

It is such an overwhelming feeling.

[Friend from the West]

Hari Om

Namaste,

Think what the others hit on is the "secret". Many years ago after much hard work and much frustration, discovered what other Jivas found perhaps much easier due to my stubbornness blocking me. I was blocking me. Found this by accident and laughed. Laughing at myself was the secret. Was missing intent and was taking myself way, way, and way too serious. Had to look at what is intent of this practice and the fact that no one was going to build statues of me due to my spiritual prowess. Is a discipline and progress is wished for, but is not contest.

My Mickey Mouse advice to you is to think of what your expectations are, why you doing this activity and do little analysis with a sincere heart, and have sense of humor. Also, starting out, think most important to get yourself in relaxed state before start.

In addition to JaiMaaDurga and BelieverJi's offerings, if you peruse this Forum, there is some other great advice and some of it in really good detail.

Best of luck to you.

Om Namah Shivaya

FFTW

[yajvan]

hariḥ oṁ
~~~~~~
namast�

Time, patience and practice. The Supreme is not coin operated. We want to avoid the mind set of, hey I put the coin in - should I not now get the candy from the machine ?

We are like polishing a stone. Sometimes there are rough edges that need to come off; We work at the edges and keep polishing. Some times stress is released and we experience it as angst, some anger, maybe some illness, some roughness.

Time, patience and practice ...

iti śivaṁ

[Necromancer]

Namaste members,

I have been trying to find a mantra which I will find beneficial, primarily I feel fine reciting a mantra but then sooner or later I hit a brick wall where during the meditation or after I feel irritable and angry. I am making a sincere effort to reach out to the divine and as of right now I am not getting a response that I like, it is as if hostility builds within me and I become depressed and disenchanted.

I wish I could be given a clear sign by the divine that all is well but all I am getting right now is a feeling of being repelled, what does this mean? What could it signify?

Thanks,
Seeking.

Namaste.

I wish there was something I could say that also doesn't sound 'Mickey Mouse', but all I got is 'let go, let God'.

Sometimes, it's the trying which holds us back when we know full well that we must eventually give up whatever we attain to reach Nirvana anyway.

What I do when I get stuck in a rut is I pray.

When I say 'pray'....I mean opening your heart up to God (Shiva) and letting nothing stand in your way...not what you are thinking or feeling, nothing.

Don't try and judge it, don't place any expectation on it....just love for love's sake. Say 'here I am Lord, so do your worst...but it would be nice if you gave me a break and did your best sometimes too, eh?'

My love is unconditional, so I must accept the good with the bad because I know that when that love happens, anger, depression and apathy cannot exist.

So, why are you meditating in the first place? The desire to achieve is still a desire....drop it.

I wish you all the best, with love and success. We all struggle to climb that mountain, but the view is worth it. Feel that love I'm talking about.

Aum Namah Shivaya

[Eastern Mind]

Namaste members,

I have been trying to find a mantra which I will find beneficial, primarily I feel fine reciting a mantra but then sooner or later I hit a brick wall where during the meditation or after I feel irritable and angry. I am making a sincere effort to reach out to the divine and as of right now I am not getting a response that I like, it is as if hostility builds within me and I become depressed and disenchanted.

I wish I could be given a clear sign by the divine that all is well but all I am getting right now is a feeling of being repelled, what does this mean? What could it signify?

Thanks,
Seeking.

Vannakkam: Here is my suggestion, and it is perhaps more in how to deal with the subconscious mind, some negative samskaras are causing the anger.

Journal about it in a freestyle way, write letters to people you are angry about, etc. Then burn these letters and journals in an inauspicious place. Let the emotion out in the journaling. Please Pm me if you want more info on this smethod of resolving past issues.

Aum Namasivaya

[Necromancer]

Namaste.

It's difficult for us to want to try and share what we feel sometimes...especially online, when one is a 'random' and all.

Thing is though, I can't help what I feel....like my heart getting ripped out, then vaporized to ashes while I'm loving every damn minute of it.

I don't feel like this all the time - I mean it would be pretty intense and insane if I did, but just enough to let me feel it...to give me the 'sign' (although, if all one did was read 'signs' they would never follow them).

It's just that I love and trust Lord Shiva so much, it's hard not to keep mentioning it and hoping that feeling may 'rub off' somewhere.

Aum Namah Shivaya

[SeekingPeaceOfMind]

I would like to thank all of you for your suggestions, I am continuing to meditate and trust that I will get to a place of peace and knowing.

I like Necromancers suggestion of prayer when the pressure gets too much.

Another thought of mine is quite an obvious one but one I never realized until recently and that was once I've meditated or recited Japa I need to drop it, forget it and get on with living. I should do something I enjoy, on one hand to preoccupy and on the other to let off some steam.

I need to relax, 'let go and let God' is a nice way of putting it Necromancer.

Thank you to everyone once again.