Namaste HDF...
I'll try to keep this post as upbeat as possible, but be warned that this does have to do with my depression in relation to Hinduism.
One reason why I converted to Hinduism in the first place is because its core beliefs and tenets allowed me to crawl out of the hole that depression put me in, and enhanced my self-image, but...I'm still kicking myself over the fact that I'm not doing everything I could be doing to be a "good Hindu" or really do the Sanatana Dharma justice. I know that's kind of a loaded statement, but...well, I don't want to do any harm to Hinduism or its practitioners with my presence and my...seeming lack of ability to adopt all of the same practices they do.
For example...vegetarianism...because of my various mental maladies that contribute to my stress eating and constant seeking of "comfort food," it seems like I couldn't go vegetarian to save my life (and it may come down to that one day). And it's not just that either. There's plenty of other things I could be doing to make myself a better adherent of the Sanatana Dharma - regular meditation, yoga in its various forms (I'm not just talking about Hatha here), pranayama, reading the scriptures, etc. But...I can't seem to motivate myself to do them on a regular basis. I get stressed out so easily that these things just seem to stress me out even more!
Hinduism has allowed me to advance out of the deep depression that I was once in, and discover that my life is indeed worth living. But then I look at what I have yet to do, what I need to do, and it becomes so daunting I sink back into depression again.
Perhaps I'm being too hard on myself, but when I get told that I'm not respecting the Sanatana Dharma traditions with my daily activities...it crushes my soul, because I want to respect them, I want to join them, I want to be a part of the Sanatana Dharma, because the alternative is not conducive to my sanity. Right now, though, it seems it's impossible, and as a result I'll never know inner peace.
Maybe I'm just destined to be a loser.
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