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  1. #1
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    Unhappy Still Feel Like I'm Doing it Wrong

    Namaste HDF...

    I'll try to keep this post as upbeat as possible, but be warned that this does have to do with my depression in relation to Hinduism.

    One reason why I converted to Hinduism in the first place is because its core beliefs and tenets allowed me to crawl out of the hole that depression put me in, and enhanced my self-image, but...I'm still kicking myself over the fact that I'm not doing everything I could be doing to be a "good Hindu" or really do the Sanatana Dharma justice. I know that's kind of a loaded statement, but...well, I don't want to do any harm to Hinduism or its practitioners with my presence and my...seeming lack of ability to adopt all of the same practices they do.

    For example...vegetarianism...because of my various mental maladies that contribute to my stress eating and constant seeking of "comfort food," it seems like I couldn't go vegetarian to save my life (and it may come down to that one day). And it's not just that either. There's plenty of other things I could be doing to make myself a better adherent of the Sanatana Dharma - regular meditation, yoga in its various forms (I'm not just talking about Hatha here), pranayama, reading the scriptures, etc. But...I can't seem to motivate myself to do them on a regular basis. I get stressed out so easily that these things just seem to stress me out even more!

    Hinduism has allowed me to advance out of the deep depression that I was once in, and discover that my life is indeed worth living. But then I look at what I have yet to do, what I need to do, and it becomes so daunting I sink back into depression again.

    Perhaps I'm being too hard on myself, but when I get told that I'm not respecting the Sanatana Dharma traditions with my daily activities...it crushes my soul, because I want to respect them, I want to join them, I want to be a part of the Sanatana Dharma, because the alternative is not conducive to my sanity. Right now, though, it seems it's impossible, and as a result I'll never know inner peace.

    Maybe I'm just destined to be a loser.

  2. Re: Still Feel Like I'm Doing it Wrong

    Hi Web,

    I do not claim to know all about Hinduism, but from all the esoteric Hindu teachings I have gathered, I have realised that Hinduism accepts everyone is on their own journey in life. Its teachings are like a gentle parent which doesn't scold if it goes wrong, but continues trying to show you the way.

    A true practitioner, would never feel you are in any way tainting the religion,you could be a murderer, rapist, drug dealer - none of that matters for on the surface we take different names, personalities and forms, but the essence of all us is the same. We are all a manifestation of the supreme spirit. A true practitioner would always encourage and help you on your own journey.

    I wouldn't get too upset over the "you are not respecting Sanatan Dharma" comment. It's possible some may be saying it out of love, (just phrased harshly), and others may simply be outright judging. Those that do judge, have little right to do so, because none of us outright follow Sanatan Dharma. To follow it for example involves complete non attachment and I'm sure very few followers can truly live up to that.

    Personally, I read scriptures, but do not get involved with yoga very often, however I continue aspiring to live a completely virtuous life, errors on my behalf occur from time to time, but Sanatan Dharma reminds me of it, and i try to work on eliminating it in the correct manner.
    Last edited by TheUnknownDepths; 25 September 2013 at 04:59 PM.

  3. #3
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    Re: Still Feel Like I'm Doing it Wrong

    I don't do the vegetarian thing either (I lack the self-discipline to refuse meat all the time), but I do abstain from beef. Not all Hindus require you to be a vegetarian.
    And I converted to Hinduism for pretty close to the same reason you did. I have a major case of clinical depression/bipolar and Hindu medirtation and japa calms me and it has greatly reduced my depression in the short time I've been doing it.
    Jeff (a.k.a. Govinda Das)

    Hindu Quaker.
    Though I am eternal, immutable, and the Lord of all beings, yet I manifest Myself by controlling material Nature, using My own divine potential energy, the Divine Light
    (Bhagavad Gita 4:6

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    Re: Still Feel Like I'm Doing it Wrong

    Namaste, Webimpulse.

    I'm sorry to read you are feeling like this again.

    Most would (and have) suggested to you that you see a doctor or seek specialist advice before your continued journey upon the path of Sanatana Dharma.

    I, too am not a full vegetarian yet. I'll go for days being a 'good girl' and then just want to eat meat.

    I don't eat meat on Mondays and I don't allow my 1-2 times a week 'indulgence' bother me much....anymore (I used to feel quite guilty about it and that guilt was holding me back - not the carniverous act itself).

    Thing is, I have learned and experienced (through the Grace of Lord Shiva) how not to become attached to any of these emotions I feel anymore.

    Sure I still get depressed, but as soon as I realise that it's only temporary and that everything is only temporary, I see the folly - how shallow and comical it is for me to feel 'depressed' in the first place. This applies to every emotion I feel.....it comes, it represents, it fades.

    Faith and love in my Lord has enabled me to feel this way.

    You still love Bhagvan, right? Pray to Him/Her and ask for guidance and faith in yourself first and foremost. Believe in yourself as much as God believes in you...as much as I do.

    .....but yes, you should be seeking medical advice and not listen to my carry on.

    Aum Namah Shivaya

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    Re: Still Feel Like I'm Doing it Wrong

    Quote Originally Posted by Necromancer View Post
    Sure I still get depressed, but as soon as I realise that it's only temporary and that everything is only temporary, I see the folly - how shallow and comical it is for me to feel 'depressed' in the first place. This applies to every emotion I feel.....it comes, it represents, it fades.
    Namaste Necromancer,

    Wow. My hat at this moment goes off to you.

    For some reason, you saying this just now made me snap out of it, for the time being. I guess I just needed to be reminded that yes, shadows do eventually give way to light.

    I guess it's just when I get these lows, they seem like abysmal lows to me...it feels like I experience them more intensely than I should. But like you just said, they're still only temporary.

    Thanks for reminding me of that fact.

    And namaste to the other two responders,

    I'll get to your responses later, but right now I've been...inspired to do something productive. But your responses have both helped, honest.

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    Re: Still Feel Like I'm Doing it Wrong

    Quote Originally Posted by Webimpulse View Post
    Namaste Necromancer,

    Wow. My hat at this moment goes off to you.

    For some reason, you saying this just now made me snap out of it, for the time being. I guess I just needed to be reminded that yes, shadows do eventually give way to light.

    I guess it's just when I get these lows, they seem like abysmal lows to me...it feels like I experience them more intensely than I should. But like you just said, they're still only temporary.

    Thanks for reminding me of that fact.

    And namaste to the other two responders,

    I'll get to your responses later, but right now I've been...inspired to do something productive. But your responses have both helped, honest.
    Namaste.

    I am just glad I passed this on and cheered you up a little. It looked like you could have done with one of these:

    It's all about a little technique I call 'Checking Your Baggage at the Door'.

    In my constant attempts to keep my mind and heart hitherto occupied on/with Shiva, sometimes (often) derailment occurs - like when I am running late for an appointment.....

    So, I get in my car and my seat belt won't pull out/retract whatsoever - I mean, it was jam stuck right in there!

    My very first response was to let out a string of obscenities...as one kinda would??

    Next, I was sitting there with a screwdriver trying to take the whole apparatus apart (it is illegal to drive without a seat belt in Australia) and I couldn't see where it was broken anywhere, so I put it back together again...

    Still it was stuck and I mean, trying to pull with varying degrees of tension for the next half an hour...stuck!

    It wasn't until I just closed my eyes, took a very deep breath in and just slowly breathed all the tension out of my system, surrendering my soul to Lord Shiva in the process...chanting Aum Namah Shivaya that the seatbelt became miraculously "unstuck".

    I learn new things every day (often, the hard way)... but I still have a lot to learn (like how to speed this process up a bit faster).

    Aum Namah Shivaya

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    Re: Still Feel Like I'm Doing it Wrong

    Namaste.

    I have another little story for you from the 'Personal files of Necromancer'.

    I suffer with a form of agoraphobia, really bad.

    I can go outside and walk around and even go shopping.....drive my car around no problem - but take me out of my 'environment' for more than a day and I am a total mess.

    I'm okay going out anywhere and will even put up with the antics of 'people'. as long as I have my own bed to retire to each evening.

    There's something about my own bedroom - my 'sanctum sanctorum' that I can go to and have my own 'personal space'.....you have no idea how long it takes me to settle into a new place after I move!

    So, of course, offers by my family to go on holidays over the years have been politely and promptly turned down (even though they were paying for everything).

    I find it ironic that as a child, I traveled the world with them and now I won't even spend a weekend camping in a cabin 300kms from here.

    No, of course not, because I cannot take my bedroom with me, can I? I even thought a teddy bear representing 'room' would look a tad idiotic.

    Last week, my father invited me on a camping trip (a camel safari) in the outback of Australia (Broken Hill) for 9 days and would not take a 'no for an answer' this time.

    He asked if there was any good reason (emphasis on good) why I couldn't go and I didn't want to let loose the fact I was just s***-scared of 'wide open spaces' and all that.....and camels.

    'Being scared' isn't a 'good reason' in his books, so I had no alternative but to say 'yes, okay...I will go'. I leave in three weeks.

    What changed my mind? Knowing and feeling that my 'sanctum sacnctorum' is within Lord Shiva's Heart - He is everywhere and yet I can rest within Him in confinement whilst witnessing His infinite Glory.....including Camels.

    Am I still scared? hell yeah! but now I see it as a challenge, not as an obstacle thanks to Shiva.

    There are two books I will be taking with me on my journey - two 'Bibles' for me:

    http://www.amazon.com/Feel-Fear-Anyw.../dp/0743509188

    http://www.fishpond.com.au/Books/Liv.../9780207180408

    Aum Namah Shivaya

  8. #8

    Re: Still Feel Like I'm Doing it Wrong

    Namaste WebImpulse,

    Depression and anxiety are certainly nothing to take lightly;
    there is often the experience of being trapped in a vicious circle.
    Please remember, it is you that has to deal with the life you lead,
    and not any one that may have an opinion on how well you are leading it.

    There is a line between being lazy and being reasonable, and
    it will only fuel the anxiety/depression cycle, to measure yourself
    constantly by those who seem to be much farther along than you-
    many in similar situations to yours have found it useful to concentrate
    on one small achievable goal at a time, when they notice themselves
    feeling overwhelmed by the seeming impossibility and hopelessness of
    all set before them.

    Why not replace "I should" with "I can"? Do not think of what others
    do or expect, but of what you can do, at this moment, no matter how
    seemingly small.

    May Maa's grace bless your ambition to keep crossing this ocean.

    JAI MATA DI
    || जय माता की ||

  9. #9

    Re: Still Feel Like I'm Doing it Wrong

    Dear WebImpulse
    Quote Originally Posted by Webimpulse View Post
    I don't want to do any harm to Hinduism or its practitioners with my presence and my...seeming lack of ability to adopt all of the same practices they do.
    You cannot harm Hinduism by your 'presence', no matter how hard you try
    Responsibility towards a group is a virtue, but taking it far can block one's functioning.
    Also, comparing oneself with others. Never do it. It is us and the Supreme Lord. Everything is between you and Him.

    But then I look at what I have yet to do, what I need to do, and it becomes so daunting I sink back into depression again.
    Do you have a Guru who has ordered you to do something or given assignments? If not, who decides what is 'need to do' and 'yet to do'?

    A freindly suggestion: Assuming you like to read the Bhagavad GitA,

    for the next six months, just read, study and relish the Bhagvad GitA whenever you can. Not as something 'yet to do' 'need to do' but because you want to read it. Not because it is something 'others' are doing. Forget others. You are not in some class or giving exams.
    You are curious about what Shri KRshNa is saying.
    Like you come home and cannot wait to get your hands on an interesting book to find what happens next.

    This is it for the next 6 months. Nothing else. No goals.

    This reading/hearing is shravaNam, the first step of bhakti.
    Reading scripture, studying (and enjoying it) is also a yajna (sacrifice) and also a way to serve and please the Supreme Lord - acc. to Him - Shri KRshNa - He says so in the Bhagavad Gita.

    Regarding vegetarianism, I hope you can stay away from beef at least? Given so many choices? And then quit things slowly one by one?

    All the best. Please don't think so much. Just dive. May Shri KRshNa be with you...
    || Shri KRshNArpaNamastu ||

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    Re: Still Feel Like I'm Doing it Wrong

    Namaste.

    Logic is telling me not to proceed any further without a bit of background.

    1. What kind of 'Hindu' are you? Do you believe in Shiva, Vishnu, Ganesha, Durga?

    2. Why do you believe in said aspect of God? (don't answer that here, but in your own heart).

    3. Are there any (many) temples you can get to? You may have answered this in another thread, so sorry if I get you to repeat yourself.

    4. What books do you study/sadhana do you do? are you drawn towards one particular philosophy or another?

    Where exactly do you stand?

    Sometimes, you need to forge that path out for yourself (even though having a Guru/Guide is highly preferable).

    It's nice to read Bhagavad Gita and I would also recommend it - if that's what is 'calling' you.

    You will soon be able to hear the 'calling' when your mind is still enough - telling you what you should be doing next...telling you if you are 'doing it wrong' or not.

    Aum Namah Shivaya

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