Hello everybody!
I registered to this forum searching for answers. I've been interested in spirituality since I was a child. Seeing photos of sadhus and saints in different books fascinated me. Religion in Europe was never like that. Why? That was the first question that came up with. I wanted the answer. I didn't know how to find it, but I tried to dive deep into spiritual scene by looking for articles and books that could teach me.
Then I met a person who had visited India several times and was really into Hinduism. He and I became good friends. We chatted alot about religion and he told me stories about India. It felt amazing. I felt like I was finally on the right path. I started to gain some understanding on God.
Some years passed, I visited ISCKON Sunday parties, read the Gita, did some yoga, meditated every day... Everything started to seem clear to me. Then like a lightning it hit me - why was I interested only in Hinduism? Why did I think that this was the thing that would lead to self realization? What about other religions? It was easy for me to see that other religions like Christianity and Sufism were talking about the same God that Vedas talk about. But it didn't end there. Oh no. For a very strong minded person, I just had to figure out what were the atheist people thinking. What is this Buddhism thing and why don't they talk about self realization as a way to divine - as a way to understand God? I read many books about Buddhism. It seemed very blurry. Their teaching felt unsatisfying, but it walked hand in hand with modern science. After some time doing intensive research on Buddhism, I started to understand the basics. Especially Zen fascinated me. I started to do zazen every day. I started to see Hinduism as a sort of fantasy world that people were living in. It provided its followers with answers but had too much metaphors and imaginary stories in it. The answers seemed to get lost.
Now that I have practiced both Vedanta and Buddhism, I really feel confused. Both of them seem to be a great way to enlightenment, but they speak against each other. That's the main reason why I feel confused. They can't tolerate each other. Hindu world seems like home to me, but I just can't get the Buddhist criticism out of my mind. But when I practice Buddhism, I feel unsatisfied. It helps you with your life-control but what else?
Are there anyone that have walked the same path? Any tips? Don't know who to turn to.
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