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Thread: Death in the family/ post mortem rules?

  1. #1

    Death in the family/ post mortem rules?

    Namaste,

    Long story short, my methodist grandmother died in hospital last week and my mum was there until her death and is now back with family again sorting funeral arrangments. I have stayed at home 300 miles away due to work and have had no contact with the body, just mum when she came home for a few days.
    Mum and I follow Sanatana Dharma (we're the only ones) and are unsure of the waiting period, post funeral, where we can return to doing puja, festivals and mandir worship.
    I have seen different sets of advice on this, one being based on what caste you are but we don't have one so that doesn't help!

    I just want to know the do's, dont's, time period before doing anything again. This is all mainly because my mum is quite devoted and want's to know if theres a way to still pray or worship without breaking any major rules, I like to stick to the rules and hate doing things the wrong way.

    If it helps (if customs change depending on deity) my mum is a Shiva devotee.

    Thank you to anyone who can help in any way!
    Shivasya hridayam vishnur: Vishnoscha hridayam shivah

  2. #2
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    Re: Death in the family/ post mortem rules?

    Vannakkam: The retreat time varies by community. In mine it's 31 days, but I've also heard of 21 and 11. I personally would error on the side of caution. In my experience, most Hindus are patient when it comes to these things, fully recognising we're on a sojourn of many lifetimes.

    Aum Namasivaya

  3. #3
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    Re: Death in the family/ post mortem rules?

    Namaste ji,

    One of my dearest friends is Telugu and her family is Shaivite, though i don't know the lineage they follow. I mention her regional heritage as practices vary in this way as well as by sect, as EMji mentions.

    Their practice includes no cooking in the kitchen, no guests or visitors, and the widow doesn't leave the house for the proscribed time, which for them is 11 days. The widow can certainly pray and attend family puja in new the home prayer room, but must not conduct puja herself during this time. At the end of this grieving time, the family reopens the kitchen, and they cook a feast and invite all family, friends and acquaintances and neighbors to come share in memories and eat. A table is set up with a garlanded picture of the deceased, candles, rice, flowers and petals, kum kum and turmeric. A pandit holds a small rite, though I don't know which as I've only seen it twice. A moment of reminiscence is spent by family members and everyone then eats and talks. The women of the family serve the food to the guests. Guests are given a small token gift as they leave.

    There is another rite held some months later, I think it was 6? But I'm confused about that one and may be mistaken.

    That's only one tradition, I'm aware it can vary a lot.
    Hope that is of some assistance.

    ~Pranam
    ~~~~~
    What has Learning profited a man, if it has not led him to worship the good feet of Him who is pure knowledge itself?
    They alone dispel the mind's distress, who take refuge at the feet of the incomparable one.
    ~~Tirukural 2, 7

    Anbe Sivamayam, Satyame Parasivam

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