What can I do?

[deafAncient]

I saw this in another thread, "Peetadhipati of Saiva Maha Peetam of the ancient Srauta Saiva Sampradaya,Satguru SivaSri Sivanandamurthy attained Shivaikya today.He was a great scholar in many fields,did great service to Hinduism and built 200 temples."

I'm not seeking his fame or anything like that, but I would like to know what I could do to move in this direction... The only thing I know to do is go to a temple and give away my life.

[Eastern Mind]

Vannakkam dA ... We are all headed to that state, whether we know it or not, whether we want to accept it or not. The inner core of us is identical right now, but we don't know it. Everyone has the potential to be a Satguru, and it's a natural outcome of many many lives on the planet. When the Satgurus decide to not return, having attained moksha, who will take their place? Souls like you and me ... when it's our time.

I was at a lecture by my current Guru. He asked, "Who is the most spiritual soul you have ever met?" We all had the same soul in mind when he answered for us. (His Guru. also the Guru for most of us there.) Then he went on to tell us that that essence was also us. It's really hard to believe, down hear in the muck and the mire of ordinary consciousness, headaches, and pains, but that's the destiny.

Aum Namasivaya

Aum Namasivaya

[deafAncient]

Namaste,

It's just that I feel useless, and out of contact with other Sanātanis for most of the week. Six days is too long to go in between Sundays...

Praṇāma

[ratikala]

Namaskaram deafAncient ji

please excuse me but I do not know your circumstances , but by the sound of your comments you regularly visit the Mandir but on sundays only , .....I think for many of us this is our reason to post on the internet , to maintain contact with other devotees .
in our (mine) tradition we are required to read daily and chant , both of these stabalise our Sadhana .

actualy it is very usefull to have this pattern , ..if one visits the Mandir regularly once a week , one takes Darshan of the Deities and of other devotees , one attends puja and maybe a class , ....then one has the rest of the week to contemplate alone with oneself , it dosent matter if one has to work in the mundane world for the rest of the week , infact this us usefull , if one follows the principles of Sanatana Daharma one does ones best to take that truth and stability out into the world where even amongst non devotees one can carry out ones Dharma . it does not matter if we are a great master who attracts a following who come to gether to build great temples , or if one is a simple soul going about ones mundane duties in Sanatana Dharma we all have a part to play .

By waking every day performing ones personal puja followed by a little reading and chanting , our body becomes a temple we establish God in the heart then where ever we go in the day we carry this with us , inbetween mundane activities we are still thinking of Dharma , we are still taking darshan of the lord in the heart , but all the while inbetween temple visits we can use this material life to practice the principles of Sanatana Dharma .

personaly if I am feeling a little seperated from that strength of association that visiting a Mandir gives I listen to Bhajan , because I do find the mundane world to be very boring and preocupied with it self , ...so I like to remain ...'in it , but not of it', ...

personaly I have a home Mandir so I am never out of touch and there is strict order to the day First thing in the morning one serves the Deities , last thing at night one serves the Deities , this keeps one very focused . Reading also is very important , and one must remember one reads not to aquire knowledge but to know how to act , amassing knowledge is not enough one has to put it into practice , this practice starts in ones daily life in ones mundane activities by understanding our personal Dharma and carring this out to the best of our ability , ....not being in the company of other Sanatanis is in some way a test to strengthen us , but it can also be a blessing for all those around us , Sanatani or not , as by carrying the principles of Sanatana Dharma out into the world even with out actively preaching we are setting an example . this silent teaching is so very very important , so we should never feel useless we can allways be usefull in some way what ever we do in the six days in between visits to the Mandir , ...taking Darshan in the Mandir is in some ways like re charging our batteries so that we have the strength to go out into the world and live out the principles .


pramams

[deafAncient]

Namaskāra Ratikala,

My biggest issue is that my bills are piling up with no real way of making income that allows me to live comfortably. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here, waiting to get the job training from my friend to become a seamstress. But a seamstress for who? I can't get vendors in the renaissance faire business to hire me as an apprentice.

The next issue is that there's nobody out here whom I can share this with. Today, while I was just starting the beginning of a long day of things I had to do in the big city, first getting my Jeep inspected and registered out in the country, in the county I'm staying in, I sat with two white women sitting across from me, and it was the first time I had felt like I was an outsider, not only because I'm not red neck, but also because my reading in the past year-plus has caused my perspective on white culture to shift so much that I don't recognize my place in it as a rebel working against the superimposition of Christianity against me, but as someone who is outside of it. It would be a small taste of someone who had moved to the Middle East and lived amongst locals for 20 years, and then come back to the US to visit, only to realize she couldn't speak her primary language anymore (I'm reminded of a long-term prisoner-of-war, who would unconsciously switch to the captor's language when under stress or crying in frustration). If it helps to understand, I've read something like 5,000 pages on or about Sanātana Dharma (SD) in the last year and a half. I sat there hoping, "Don't talk to me, don't talk to me, please oh, don't talk to me." Mostly because of my deafness, but the confirmation of my internal awakening had made me pull back.

I have been forced into semi-retirement off and on for about 18 years. The last time I worked full-time was in an office job in 2004, and I was just about to shave my head and do stupid things on a stage at a bar somewhere when I had to resign after 9 months of data entry. I simply could not do it anymore. There's an incredible amount of resentment and anger about having to work doing something I hate doing rather than what I would love to do (which I have not figured out). At that time, I had never, ever resigned from a job without having another job lined up. I did it again when I resigned from my last mundane job in retail two years ago. After 8 years and political and financial mistreatment by the employer towards the end, I was burned out and very resentful about being prevented from having full health insurance, not doing what I felt I was supposed to do for the company, and having my income cut to the point that my survival in the city was threatened. I decided to quit and get out.

I have to rebuild myself from the GROUND UP. Otherwise, I will not survive if and when I have to go back to work, say for a Hindu-owned business. One thing I have never been able to master is being happy regardless of whatever job I find myself in. At first, the novelty of the newness of the job keeps me occupied, but then it gets stale, old, boring, and I start to climb out of my skin for the sheer boredom as well as the feeling of being stuck in earning only so much money per month because of SSDI (Social Security Disability Income) limits for work per month.

I simply do not have the personal/spiritual development like I've seen in people who are very religious and happy where they are, even though they are doing something they don't like for a living. I have always felt like the bronco who doesn't want to get broken and become a docile, obedient bee worker in America. I've always BANGED MY HEAD at this frustration of feeling like I'm on the wrong planet with the wrong people under the wrong circumstances in the wrong times. It's like my life is but mistakes. Even I don't have the luck of the Atheist shop owner in the Bollywood movie Oh My God to eventually find my way. I often feel like I will be dead with no one around, no one will care, and death will be the biggest relief I have experienced since I was injected into this body 50 years ago. That is not how I want to go.

I've been trying to find a way to get Dharmic counseling, because you know what? Western psychology is ill-equipped to handle someone like me with such unique needs (shall I say, "special needs." You know what? That's it! I'm special needs! I may be articulate and smart, but I just cannot get it together...). I have hundreds, if not thousands of hours of counseling as a patient. I had to go through all this to realize that. Here's what I'm dealing with. Imagine that I think about applying for a job as a vocational rehab counselor (I have a Master of Education in that). As soon as I picture myself doing that, I get fearful, feeling like I'm caged in and like I will lose myself in that, like I'm nothing more than a voc rehab counselor. Or an engineer. I feel like if I had to do calculations all day for blue prints, or something specialized, I would just explode, freak out, and scream. I had a job with a defense contractor, and I had a lot of clerical-level responsibility (though I was not in a beginning supervisory position until towards the end) for nearly five years. I can recall many days when I would stand outside the building in a secluded area and just beat the brick wall with my bare hands. I was in my early 20s then.

I'm very frustrated with the lack of sustaining success in my life. All I want is to be content and happy in my own small way. I have no desire for a luxury car or large house, going to Barbados to party for two weeks, or have an inflated sense of worth or fame, but I do need to stay dry and warm, I need to eat, I need to wear clothes so that I'm not jailed for walking naked, I need to be able to travel to get necessities needed for living. What is the point of living, if even these basic things are threatened, especially when I don't have the skills to deal with it effectively?

Ratikala, in order to better understand my situation, you might have to read some threads I started, one of which is "What am I?" You'll realize that I'm profoundly deaf, coming to SD from an Ancient perspective, not a Christian perspective (which I find very foreign to my worldview). I'm trying to save my life before I lose it entirely to an early death out of misfortune, never mind the adhamic consequences of willfully terminating my own life. I don't want to revert back to an animal body, nor to just another life like this. I want to "get it" and move on, if not out of this world this time. Failing the attempt at a seamstress job, the only thing I can think of is to somehow make myself a ward or servant of a Hindu temple, giving away the rest of my life to the cause of Dharma. I plan to do that final step mid-Fall this year.

Thank you for reading this far.
Praṇāma

[Believer]

Namaste,

If your job feels like work then you have the wrong job (or some such thing) is the biggest lie that has been perpetuated for ever. There are very few individuals fortunate enough to match their creativity with their profession. By and large most people live lives of quiet desperation, making a living with whatever talents they have, raising a family along the way, saving something for retirement and then dying off. In the middle of all this chaos, we have to find solace in spirituality, keep our peace of mind and try to elevate ourselves. I can't fathom how a heart surgeon can keep himself going after he has replaced a few hundred hearts or a first grade teacher teaching one plus one is two year after year, or an aerospace engineer designing one missile/vehicle/aircraft after another, or an orthopedic surgeon (bone carpenter ) putting bones back together day in and day out. It all looks glamorous from afar but it all becomes mundane, tedious work after the initial exuberance wears off. So, for a person to think that everyone is doing exciting work while he/she is doing something mundane needs to be revisited. All of us have to find jobs commensurate with our skill sets and make a living. It is a fight which everyone has to fight to stay alive. I can't be Issac Newton/Ravi Shankar/Gandhi but I can be the best me possible. And that is the way things are set up. Becoming a ward of a temple in return for work too is fraught with holes. When the newness wears off the management may not be that nice to you or the congregation might not be always respectful and friendly to you. They may start treating you like a temple worker rather than like a fellow worshiper and a family member. Would that be an acceptable situation without any undue stress?

We have to develop a positive attitude towards work and think of it as something that keeps us alive so that we can do fun things that we like. Work itself does not have to be a source of pleasure; just a tolerable nuisance in our march towards the end. Expecting a divine intervention and imagining that a perfect way to make a living will appear by itself is not realistic. Everyone of us struggles to keep our heads above water in our own way.

The bottom line is to look at the various options available and to go with the best one. After all keeping ourselves alive makes it possible to do what we want to do. And to keep ourselves alive we have to take whichever job is available, no matter how mundane it sounds. We have to put up the fight, we have to struggle and we have to succeed.

Pranam.
-

[surrenderindailylife]

Namaste Believer-ji

Hari Om

If your job feels like work then you have the wrong job (or some such thing) is the biggest lie that has been perpetuated for ever. There are very few individuals fortunate enough to match their creativity with their profession. By and large most people live lives of quiet desperation, making a living with whatever talents they have, raising a family along the way, saving something for retirement and then dying off. In the middle of all this chaos, we have to find solace in spirituality, keep our peace of mind and try to elevate ourselves. I can't fathom how a heart surgeon can keep himself going after he has replaced a few hundred hearts or a first grade teacher teaching one plus one is two year after year, or an aerospace engineer designing one missile/vehicle/aircraft after another, or an orthopedic surgeon (bone carpenter ) putting bones back together day in and day out. It all looks glamorous from afar but it all becomes mundane, tedious work after the initial exuberance wears off. So, for a person to think that everyone is doing exciting work while he/she is doing something mundane needs to be revisited. All of us have to find jobs commensurate with our skill sets and make a living. It is a fight which everyone has to fight to stay alive. I can't be Newton/Bach/Washington but I can be the best me possible.

Thank you for your wise counsel. I completely agree. All jobs become 'dream jobs' by the way ("how") we do. I am part of Information Technology area, in which I have seen my peers get plum technical roles. They obviously require them to stretch them at work, often at the expense of their personal time. So, if you ask them are you happy (expecting a "Yes, I am" kind of answer) you would be surprised as none of them would be.

Om Namah Shivay