Namaskāra everyone,
While I'm working on an online jigsaw puzzle of a group of women in India greeting the photographer, I look at their skin tones while trying to put their faces together, and I'm being led back to a strong feeling of identification with such skin tones. I remember as a kid (I'm mostly white) when I had an obsession with sun tanning and wanted to "become" darker (even though I don't tan, I don't burn, I IMPLODE). Right now, I'm feeling, "That is where I'm supposed to be, or was before. It is familiar to me." I now get the feeling that I was of color before, and during that time, I was jealous of the white's fame, money, and power. So when that body died, I was put in this one or maybe even other white bodies before this one in order to understand that living as a white person isn't everything it's made out to be. Look, I'm deaf, have some endocrine issues, not able to find a job that goes with my education/background/tendencies, and I get bored sometimes. A different set of problems I have now than before. If I have to live again, I would live as a Sanātani with much greater appreciation for Dharma than I had before.
On the other hand, I have Native American ancestry, and it has come out in two different ways during the course of this life. The first time was being made to wear European Pilgrim clothing for Thanksgiving in Kindergarten and hating it/screaming and wanting to wear the animal skins of the Native Americans. This was before they found out I was deaf, so I had no idea what was being discussed for this children's play until I actually had the clothes on me, and then freaked out (even though I wasn't verbally aware of the history behind it). I just had that impression that something was wrong with those clothes. They must have changed me out because I remember getting home that day and standing outside in the open field, wearing the NA clothes, facing the house while looking through the tall blades of weeds/grass, and it felt RIGHT, like it was supposed to be. I can still feel it right now, that impression.
The second time was being at a touristy spot in New Mexico or Arizona, USA, where NA artwork is very famous (I was about 11 or 12 then, and I had a decent grasp of English by then). I spied a necklace that had the upper part that goes around your neck being some kind of soft suede leather, and attached to both ends for the bottom part alternating patterns of red-dyed seeds or wooden beads with pointed ends and drilled through the middle, and white round beads in between these red beads. It was simple and beautiful, and I treasured it. I had it for years until it was lost. I felt like it evoked some kind of impression I could sense within, which again felt RIGHT. I was not interested in the fancier, more expensive jewelry (even though I was still at the age where if I wanted something more expensive/flashier, I could have asked for it and gotten it).
The thing about the NA experience, is that it's hard to tell if that is genetic saṃskāra inherited from whatever parents you have, or if it is indeed the saṃskāra that goes with your subtle body, or sūkṣma śarīra. What if it's both?
Praṇāma
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