How can I shed my ego?

[Viraja]

Namaste,

As silly as the question may sound, I really think it is possible to shed one's ego to the point one cannot be deemed an 'egoist' anymore.

When I analyze my own innate tendencies, I perceive my innate self is tainted to some extent with traits of egotism.

I want to get rid of this excess baggage and claim myself 'humble' while being honest with such a description of myself.

I have been making attempt to humble my own behavior (expressed external behavior) but no matter how much I control myself, my inner quotient of egoistic tendencies remain the same.

What measures can one take to control one's egotism and obtain a humble, pleasing personality?

Thanks

Viraja

[markandeya 108 dasa]

Namaste Viraja Ji,



Lately I have noticed, not here especially but in the new modern spiritual expression the word ego seems to be a total taboo, as if we are not supposed to have one, and anyone who does have an ego is deemed to be less spiritual. I have coined this type of expression as the American translation on the ego. If ones shows some status they are egotistical, if one shows some knowledge they have a spiritual ego, no ego at any stage is allowed, if one has a status then its just egotistical. To me the interpretation of the the Ego in American English is as brutish as the building up of the American individual, be the best, do not accept second best, anything other than 1st is to be considered a failure. The translation of ego into American English by Americans is as far away as understanding the ego as it could ever possible be, and has little or no real reference to ahankara. ( no offence to Americans, I think most the Americans that post here ( I hope ) will agree ).

In the conditioned stage we cant have a stage of being egoless, it part of the identity of our being, in some way or another we need self referral to identify who we are, that can either be positive and constructive or it can be negative. So firstly what we need to do is deal with this individual being in a constructive way. In Bhagavad Gita Sri Krsna advises the cultivation of sattvic qualities, a building up of the higher self, in 13th chapter he even says that this is knowledge and anything other than the building up of the higher qualities is ignorance. B.G Chp 13 Verses 8-12.

In Buddhism where there is an ultimate stress on annata or no self Gautama Buddha stressed at the same time the cultivation of wholesome states, Metta or loving kindness being the highest, complete love and service to all sentient beings.

In the Bhakti tradition when it becomes misunderstood there is the sense of false humility, or the lower ones self esteem is, feeling oneself to be worthless, terrible, not fit for anything is being seen in modern Bhakti as advancement, when in fact its the dissolution via surrender of the unwholesome state that is required through sattva to reach the supramundane levels of pure love for Krsna or ones Ista Deva or object of mediation. So then in modern Bhakti depression and lack of self worth is then seen as some form of spiritual advancement, when in fact its detrimental and one will never get the results of Bhakti through low self esteem, this has nothing to do with Saranagati. The amount of western devotees in the Hare Krsna Domain who are on medications for depression is astonishing, they failed to grasp the divinity of the Bhakta, and the practice is becoming a failure on every level, seva is now slave mentality and humility is self hatred, this is pure ignorance and inertia.

At the start of Bhagavad Gita Arjuna expresses his concerns, the early part is Arjuna's depression, his dejection, but very swiftly Krsna says give up this petty weakness and arise with strength and defeat this weakness, this weakness and self pity and mundane grief is pure ignorance.

So if we are to use this word ego, which again like most things is overly used and widely misunderstood then we need to, as with the advise of Sri Krsna is to build up a healthy sense of self in the mood of sattva with in our sadhana.

Sometimes trying to please everyone is an act of false humility and weakness, not that we should directly be trying to upset people, but there is a higher purpose to sattva and that is to reach suddhi sattva, or a more transcendent state where honour , dishonour , name, fame are not considered, suddhi sattva which has its base in the positive self of good qualities is reaching the boundary where we can start to perceive by intuition the higher realms of something more transcendent and vast. When this stage is being developed the natural attachment to us as an individual will naturally drop off because its aware of something higher. So the Ego is never killed off, it just drops off naturally due to our higher state of awareness and what it is aware of, something with less limitation. To go into that limitless awareness is the highest goal and the only way we can truly understand the Atma and the Supreme Godhead, which is free from limitation in every respect.

So the goal of the Sadhaka is to develop the mode of goodness~ sattva and then let that take its natural course to then enter higher states that approach the Supreme destination in a natural way, although some effort, will and desire to go higher than sattva is required.

Any effort to always want to please everyone sometimes to me sets off alarms bells, its a nice idea, but due to the general mass of people being of an exploitative nature you will only ever be exploited and just get weaker.

I hope this helps

[Viraja]

Thank you, MD.

By the word 'pleasing' I do not mean to say I intend to please each and everyone.

I am just saying that I want to acquire humility and this humility is pleasing, if not for all.

You have said in BG chapter 13 there are some methods spoken by which one can acquire more sattva guna, if I understood you right.

I am more interested in that kind of upaya or means by which to acquire sattwa guna and to ward off egotism.

Thank you for the reply.

[markandeya 108 dasa]

Namaste Viraja Ji,

Ultimately all upayas and Sadhanas require Abhyasa and Vairagya and a lot of patience. Just the desire to be in sattva is the start for all of us. In my experience anything worth while takes time and great endeavour for them to mature. If one sticks to there Sadhana and upaya with resolve its just a matter of time until the fruits start to give the right rewards, Gautama Buddha said that patience is the highest austerity. Once we are fixed and steady on the path its just a matter of time, there are no short cuts or quick fixes unfortunately, only the path and walking along the path with Shraddha or conviction becomes our only dear friend which at some point turns in nistha or a deeper conviction when we experience the fruits and rewards of the practice. Upaya as I understand ( which is probably inaccurate ) is flexible according to ones conditioning, so by self awareness one needs to see what works for the time being and what doesn't, I find it hard to accept there is one size fixes all, so we need the internal introspect and awareness to see whats working and not and then make the necessary modifications to our practice. Each and everyone of us has unique vasanas and samaskaras, and Guru's, Dharma friends, Sadhu and Shastra can only point the way, and treading the path we have to do our self and see what is working for any situation.

If we manage to get to high levels of sattva that should be enough for us to have a pleasing personality if one so wishes, thats why I mentioned the need for detachment in name fame, success and failure, we do our best and not be attached to the result.

I am not a guru of any sorts or anyone's spiritual guide and no desire to be that, I just happen to occasionally get lost in typing and hit the send button So please take most of my comments with a pinch of salt and take what useful and throw out whats not.

In modern spiritual circles people seem to be obsessed with the Ego, I don't worry about it, all forms of conditioning are ultimatly dissolved in the higher nature or the Absolute nature of what we truly are behind all the conditioning and modifications, so the only way I see it is the constant reflection of that which is divine, as it is only the highest divinity which solves all issues and burns out all the conditioning of Mind. Dwelling on our limitations in my experience is not the way, understanding them as limitations and identifying them is important, but more important is to regain our divine nature by constantly surrendering to that divinity, I see no other way and is confirmed by Sri Krsna B.G 18.66

Again I hope this helps

[yajvan]

hariḥ oṁ
~~~~~~
namasté

Let me offer two notions… one is simple, the other a bit more in-depth on the mechanics behind ego.

Light & Dark
Let’s say you have a dark room and you wish remove this darkness. Can you push it out? Can you gather it up as if it were a thing to grab , sweep it up and toss it out? This is not possible. To rid one’s self of any darkness is to just bring in the light. Open the curtains and the flood of sun-light comes in to the room. You have removed the darkness by bringing the light. Simple concept to digest.

Let’s go a bit deeper
First what is ego? ahaṃkāra. Look at this word ahaṃ+kāra.

• ahaṃ = aham = ‘I’ + kāra = doer, maker.
• ahaṃ+kāra also = ahaṃkaraṇa = conception of individuality.

So, we need to pause… the ‘I’ + ‘doer’ is the notion that via some method, process, or whatever the ‘I’ has become or thinks it is a ‘doer’ of actions, of things, etc.
It is the notion of bringing ‘I’ into field of prakṛti. A most ~casual~ definition of this prakṛti is ‘nature’ and some would say the field of the 3 guṇa-s , said properly traiguṇya (pertaining to the 3 guṇa-s). So it is this pure ‘I’ that thinks it does things. And, this ‘I’ is associated with ego.

This is not so hard to consider… ‘I’ go to the store, ‘I’ work, ‘I’ go to school , ‘I’ am happy , sad, insightful, remorseful, clean, dirty, ______ ( fill in the blank).
It is this ‘I’ that thinks it is actually doing things.

Just a bit more as we are still setting the stage. Note that prakṛti = pra+kṛti

• pra प्र - is excessively , very , much ~ incessantly ~
• kṛti कृति is the act of doing , making , performing , manufacturing , composing

So pra + kṛti is incessantly acting, doing. Atoms, particles constantly vibrating; Solar systems and galaxies turning, exploding, created and destroyed. Yet on a local
level it is our walking, talking, doing, not-doing ( as nothing can stop even for a moment), the mind thinking , moving, going from wake-dream-sleep day in and day out.
It is in every case (kṛṣṇaḥ -jī’s words within the bhāgavad gītā ) the 3 guṇa-s ( which = to prakṛti) that is doing the doing.

Back to this ‘I’
It is none other than a ray of the Supreme. Yet it gets co-mingled with doing ; ahaṃ+kāra or ‘I’ maker, or making the ‘I’ think it is the doer.
If one has the ego subside, what than is left ? Pure I without the notion that it is the doer. And, pure I by itself is then the total/full ray of the Supreme in
us, it is non-different. It ( the Supreme) is co-mingled in this ahaṃ+kāra and we do not have a clear view of it, as it is mixed with doing.

So, if the ego subsides ( called inward facing in some other posts, pūrṇatūnmukhyī daśā) one then associates with the fullness of ‘I’ as the Supreme ( non-different)
and lets nature do what it does best: It (prakṛti) ~ incessantly ~ goes on performing, doing, composing. Think of all the flowers, trees, solar systems that keep on growing
turning, moving, etc. All that is done effortlessly by this prakṛti; and its fuel ? We can leave that for another time.

Some observations…
Trying to rid one’s self of the ego is a noble cause. But, trying to do it with the ego itself is somewhat of a task. It does NOT want to go; you may convince yourself that you wish to get rid of it , but when push comes to shove this ego is a stiff competitor and will hold its ground. So, what is one to do? Bring the light, just like in the first example viewed above.

rāmaṇa mahaṛṣi would perhaps ask you this...
Who is this 'I' that is saying 'giving up' ? Find out who this 'I' is and give it up completely. What possibly can be left if this 'I' is given up ? What remains ? You have found the thief that steals your real Being.

These posts take it another step:
http://hindudharmaforums.com/showthr...ghlight=facing
http://hindudharmaforums.com/showthr...ghlight=facing
the march of the mind inward (pūrṇatūnmukhyī daśā) http://hindudharmaforums.com/showthr...ABnmukhy%C4%AB

इतिशिवं
iti śivaṁ

[Viraja]

MD ji, thank you very much for your reply.

Yajvan ji, I went through your reply and the attached posts.

I agree very much with the following:

You can see by this conversation it is quite convoluted. This ego is always in survival mode. Even during one's sādhana it will allow you to go do your practice, but soon it wishes to drive the bus again! If you have had this experience you know what I am alluding to. The ego says, yes discipline me as you choose, yet I wish to return and be on top again.
That is why one's sādhana takes some time and focus. The ego wishes to get back to its status - and this is the challenge we are faced with.
The ego is like an unruly child - the more you wish to discipline , the more the child pushes back. So, various methods have been offered by the wise to win favor over the ego. Like the unruly child with time, patience, and candy one can begin to make progress.

I have been watching my thoughts lately and 'letting go' only those thoughts that do not seem to be tainted with the notion of "superiority" in them. It feels very difficult to practice this, as it feels like a great big 'sacrifice' with minimal reward - you both shut down your inner self from wanting to 'show off' as well as doing that in front of others who try to portray their 'best' always. And on top of it, your tendencies bounce back on you!

What I am saying is that, living in a competitive world where 'illusion' matters the most, everyone has a tendency to portray / 'show off' themselves in the best possible way and to practice humbling yourself amidst such circumstances not only poses to be a challenge, but a 'losing game' in that you deny yourself the opportunity to showcase 'your best'.

And secondly no matter how hard I try, the ego quotient seems to remain the same. Say, for the past several months I have been practicing 'thought watching' and letting go of any feeling of superiority, then by all account, as a reward, my 'ego' should have lessened a bit? But, that does not seem to happen. I am still the very same person I was before I started watching my thoughts.... vibes exactly well with what you stated in the quoted comment above.

So, I am wondering about 2 things:

1. As you said, to bring in more 'light' of sattva guna, I can practice thought watching and daily sadhana. This includes measures such as eating food that has been offered first to god, etc. Are there any more practices in addition to this, that will bring in 'humility'?

2. Will my practice 'grow on me'? Say, I can practice 'humility' in the aforementioned manner (by watching my thoughts, etc) for a long time. Then due to the length of time I have tried to subdue my ego, will the ego quotient get reduced as a reward? What I am asking is, if whether I practice subduing my egotism for a long time... then will the innate pride tendency get reduced as a reward? (I look forward to hearing from you or any learned member). Thank you for your reply, once again.

Thank you,

Viraja

[ajay]

Namaste Viraja,

Cultivation of Awareness or mindfulness through meditation has been stated to be one of the best means for overcoming the ego, along with unconditional love for God .

The ego is a trait of body-consciousness . Kaam( Lust), Krodh (Anger), Lobh (Greed), Moh (Attachment), Ahankar (ego), Matsarya ( Jealously) are considered the six passions of the mind which prevent human beings from attaining enlightenment.

Desire and ego are external creations of the inner vasanas in the unconscious mind. Awareness and total love is considered to be the best means to destroy these vasanas which create bondage, and attain enlightenment.

Pranams.

[yajvan]

hariḥ oṁ
~~~~~~
namasté

It seems 3 additional things need to be offered to round out the conversation that were alluded to in several posts above but not developed.
Due to the nature of the subject matter, it may be considered an advanced topic and will need to be offered in the 'Uttara' folder.

Forms or expressions of spanda ; that of viśeṣa & sāmānya spanda.

• viśeṣa - distinction , difference between; characteristic difference , peculiar mark , special property
• sāmānya – whole, entire; equilibrium.

And,śūnya that resides after (~beyond~) 'the city of 8' or puryaṣṭaka. The 4 conditions, some say ‘states’, avasthā ( state or condition) mentioned in the posts above:

• deha
• puryaṣṭaka
• prāṇa
• śūnya
  

इतिशिवं
iti śivaṁ