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Thread: Anger

  1. #1
    Join Date
    October 2012
    Rochester, NY
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    Question Anger

    Namaste all,

    Phew! It's been a while since my last visit. I still need to wipe the dust off this profile. *sneezes*

    I want to talk about an important topic, well, to me anyway. I need some help in figuring out how to deal with anger. In one sense, I've been told that anger is a healthier emotion than depression, so considering my previous bouts with depression, my anger might be seen as a positive sign.

    However, I don't want to feel angry all the time...whenever I feel angry, it drains me of energy, and thanks to society and the media today I seem to always be angry about something! I know life can't be perfect and I know everyone experiences negative emotions once in a while, but I can't seem to effectively deal with my anger.

    What is the Hindu approach to anger management? I want to be able to feel anger without it wrecking my mind. How do I do that?

  2. #2
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    October 2012
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    Re: Anger

    Namaste Webimpulse

    thanks to society and the media today I seem to always be angry about something! I know life can't be perfect and I know everyone experiences negative emotions once in a while, but I can't seem to effectively deal with my anger.
    This is a universal problem, and you are not an isolated case. In my understanding there are quintuplets (Anger, Lust, Fear, Sorrow, Revenge) that can harm you continuously as they are inter related and breed on themselves. They all need an external stimuli to begin and once started they don't stop. When you get angry, if you can realize that you are getting worked up then half of the job is done. During the initial stage observation will be a postmortem activity and with the time it will be spontaneous.

    I do a simple trick, although haven't yet mastered the art.

    #1. Set goals that will make you happy. Don't make a big list, just about one or two. Remember it as many number of times as possible during the day.
    #2. Tell yourself that you won't let the outside world control you.
    #3. Whenever you loose track, tell yourself that your have moved away from your goal. Make note of it. At the end of day analyze your progress.

    It was very difficult to keep a count. I use to dial my own number and disconnect after few seconds. Logs will tell you the count. You may even set a quick dial option

    During the first few days it was difficult to observe myself, as days progressed started seeing positive result.

    I don't know if it can be termed as a Hindu approach. Few advised me to meditate regularly. It didn't work for me.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    September 2007
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    Re: Anger

    Vannakkam: Here's a link to a short story that I helped write. Not sure if it will be helpful or not, and intended for Hindu teens as an audience. Best wishes.

    Aum namasivaya

  4. #4
    Join Date
    September 2006
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    Re: Anger

    hariḥ om̐

    One approach is to look at the problem introspectively... this may not be for everyone, yet has been offered many times by the wise.

    When you say I am (always) angry. Let’s for the moment throw out ‘always’. Doesn’t matter if it is ‘always’ or ‘partly’ or ’sometimes’ for this approach... let’s for the moment take it out of the equation.
    Now you have, I __ am___angry. Yet you wish this would say I__am___happy.

    So just for this moment consider who is ‘angry’ and who wishes to be ‘happy’ ? Let’s continue and parse out some terms of the equation one more time to get to this answer.
    We do this by answering a question. Consider who is ‘angry’ and who wishes to be ‘happy’ ? One responds ‘ I___ do ’.
    Now we’re making some progress because we can discount one more term... the first one is ‘am’ – it leaves the formula when the answer ‘I _ do’ is offered.

    Now we get to this ‘do’. I need to get technical just for a moment and define this ‘do’ so we are all on the same page: ‘Do’ means to perform (an act, duty, role), to execute, to accomplish; finish; complete, to put forth; exert. Now we can write the answer ( I__do) in a slightly different format:
    I’ want to perform, execute, accomplish, finish, put forth or exert = I do.

    Here is the 1st insight as there are several and should go one step (pada) at a time to insure adhesion of comprehension.
    When a human spends more time on the ‘anger’ part or on the pursuit of the ‘happy’ part without knowing who or what this ‘I’ is, it (anger or the pursuit of happy) will continue to confound the human. Who or what is this ‘I’ that does not want anger, or prefers to engage in ‘happy’? That is the crux of the question.

    If one solves this side of the equation I __ am__always __ (fill in the blank e.g. happy, sad, tired, content, mad, late, hungry) you come to know the receiver of all these conditions. Who wants all this ? Well, I do!! Who then is this ‘I’ ? This is where one will gain more understanding , on this side of the equation, and takes one to a better place. ( Why so ? That will be an additional post).

    Insight number 2
    What or who or where is this ‘I’ ? This needs to be better understood. No one explains it better than rāmaṇa mahaṛṣi; I would recommend,
    Be As You Are, The teachings of Sri Ramana Maharshi , edited by David Godman

    Insight number 3

    Happy ? What is it? Consider contentment first... Contentment is at the core of 'happy'. We know when we're content, and we can affect it; How can I affect my contentment ? By being simple. By being okay with what one has or does not have . That is a choice.

    Well what does this have to do with anger? Anger is the signal that a human wants something to be something else... Here's some examples:
    • Bobby knocked over my bike!!! I am mad/angry. Why? because this person wanted the bike to be something else - standing up.
    • I am angry that I did not get that promotion. Why ? the promotion meant more status, more money, more ___ (fill in the blank). It would be something else than one has right now.
    • I didn't get an 'A' on my paper... boy does that make me mad! Why? That 'A' could be how I get into graduate school ( something else).
    • I do not feel happy... why I do not know!!! That makes me angry. Why? I am losing out of being happy. There must be something to this 'happy' and I do not have it. I must pursue it as an 'object' to achieve.
    • I am angry all the time.... I do not know why and that too makes me angrier .... what is desired? Something else , another condition other than perpetual 'angry'.

    These 3 are a start...

    iti śivaṁ
    Last edited by yajvan; 16 September 2016 at 02:22 PM.
    यतस्त्वं शिवसमोऽसि
    yatastvaṁ śivasamo'si
    because you are identical with śiva


  5. #5
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Los Angeles, CA
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    Re: Anger

    Hari Om1

    Congratulations on being angry. It's a step in the right direction towards dealing with your depression as they say that those who are depressed are really angry and just repressing it. You are progressing. Give yourself credit.

    No solutions here as I rarely get angry. It really takes a lot.

    Best of luck my friend. I feel that you're most likely on the right path. Keep moving forward!


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