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Thread: Do Hindu Widows "Date"

  1. #1
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    Do Hindu Widows "Date"

    Namaste, first of all I have no idea where this might belong but I trust the moderators will put it in the right place.

    OK here goes:
    I am a successful retiree man with a comfortable life who embraced Sanata Dharm several years ago. In talking to some of my Shivite friends I was told it would be shameful for me to consider taking an age appropriate lady to a concert because at our age we should be only considering renunciation.

    I am an American black man who is well educated and fairly conservative. I have been welcome in the temple and am an active participant both socially and financially. I never did ask that lady out. I did not want to jump in bed or have a wild cavorting time. Actually I just enjoy her company and wanted to have company at the concert. She indicated that she would like to spend time with me but I was afraid of causing trouble. One lady said if I just wanted company I should find an orphan child to take out! Sorry I don't wish to get arrested. What is wrong with enjoying female company once we are past our 20s.

    I have carried this in my heart for several years but would like input if possible
    Thank you
    In whatever way people surrender unto me, I reciprocate with them accordingly.

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    Re: Do Hindu Widows "Date"

    Namaste Mystical Soul,

    What is wrong with enjoying female company once we are past our 20s.
    Cultural difference.

    1. Our parents and grand parents didn't remarry and divorce (or separation) rate was minimal. People had the responsibility of bringing up their children so they were busy.
    2. Marriage is considered as very sacred, and being loyal to the spouse is considered as virtue no matter the partner is alive or dead.
    3. For Hindus life revolve around the family ie parents, children, grand children, grand grand children.

    A person wish to lead by example, so other person is not a welcome guest.

    In the last 15 or 20 years family values have changed drastically with infidelity and divorce rate on the rise.
    Anirudh...

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    Re: Do Hindu Widows "Date"

    Vannakkam: In my sampradaya, widows can remarry, although age could be a factor here. I think as we age, company is great. So on a personal level, I'd see no problem with it. You could place an ad in a desi newspaper, or go on a dating match site. That's fast becoming the new arranged marriage.

    Aum namasivaya

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    Re: Do Hindu Widows "Date"

    Namaste,

    Here is my perspective,

    Back in the old country, traditionally there was no dating till recently. So, single strangers of opposite genders did not intermingle. When it came time for marriage, the parents would find prospective partners and you would select one from the contacts presented. Of late, things are changing and some young people are finding their own spouses - they call it love marriage, as opposed to the traditional arranged marriage. With this as the backdrop, in the socially conservative society that India is, older people never seek the company of another person of the opposite sex. They are considered to be past the age of carnal and social enjoyment, and expected to just be meditative and temple oriented.

    Let us cross the oceans and talk about America. Young or old people of either gender seek the company of people of the opposite sex. It is considered something natural. Social norms are very different. There is nothing wrong with asking somebody out to a concert for company. But, that will not sit too well with the brains programmed with the old world values/traditions. I am not making any judgments but an observer's mind will leap from two people being seen together to being sexual partners. Therein lies the problem - fertile imagination of the observers, of the Hindu society at large. It will definitely create problems and you risk not being very accepted and welcomed in the temple. So, either you have to accept this conservative Hindu mentality and fish in some other pond , or risk being treated as a stranger by the very people that love/respect you now in the temple. The street address of our minds here in the US is very far from the mental street address of traditional old world Hindus who have been conditioned by a different set of cultural/social/religious values.

    Pranam.
    Last edited by Believer; 10 October 2016 at 06:15 PM.

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    Re: Do Hindu Widows "Date"

    Namaste Believer,

    So, either you have to accept this conservative Hindu mentality
    I am very sorry to ask this but why do Indians still live with the slavery mind set. Why shouldn't it be seen as culturally rich moral values than terming it as a conservative Hindu mentality. Last 20 years or so, commoners are easily exposed to infidelity or the sources that will lead to infidelity. Elite's behavior was and is always a matter of convenience so lets not disturb them.

    Since our childhood we are taught to emulate Sri Raama, Sri Sita (including Draupati) in our personal lives and the practice is still surviving in Indian house holds (even if they are geographically up rooted) in spite of easy access to p0rn. In my personal experience, the above mentioned life style is strong enough to withstand the time.

    I am well aware that my statements won't change the mad rush to imbibe easy ideologies or life style, but, doesn't mean the opposite is conservative. I am in mid 40, many parents in my age group on the seeing the rise in crime rate, agree with the sentiment they are brought up.

    I am not against re marriage or divorces as the fabric of family values that united are torn but anyone who is following the tradition should not be tagged UNDER conservative mentality. Going by the logic all teetotalers are primitive and conservative because it is customary to gift (bottle of champagne) alcohol by the visitor. Hope you can see the difference.

    Why shouldn't one divorce their parent / children / sibling, just a question in my mind, although can be seen as diversion from the topic. I might be totally wrong, probably still living in the conservative mindset that believe platonic relationship is just a mirage .... BUT if by mistake I am correct then we should TRY to understand the real meaning of marriage and children according to Hinduism.

    Thanks....
    Last edited by Anirudh; 10 October 2016 at 09:16 PM.
    Anirudh...

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    Re: Do Hindu Widows "Date"

    Namaste Anirudh,

    We are both Hindus who love our rich culture, traditions and heritage. However, I was talking to an American living in America where things are very different from the lifestyle of Bharat. Please know that I was not trying to denigrate anything Indian/Hindu. It appears that to you the word conservative has negative connotations; which it does not. So, calm down. I would like to clarify the things about my post that bother you but I have to know what it is that is bothering you. Your words below don't give me a clue as to what ticked you off. Please don't get your blood boiling and then make a post. Just calm down, gather your thoughts and make an understandable post with lot of words. If half the things in your mind don't come out in the post when you are upset, then the post becomes incoherent.

    Quote Originally Posted by Anirudh View Post
    I am very sorry to ask this but why do Indians still live with the slavery mind set. Why shouldn't it be seen as culturally rich moral values than terming it as a conservative Hindu mentality. Last 20 years or so, commoners are easily exposed to infidelity or the sources that will lead to infidelity. Elite's behavior was and is always a matter of convenience so lets not disturb them.
    We are digressing from the OP's topic. Perhaps we can talk about your issues in a separate thread and remove all the misunderstandings. But don't even for a moment think and assume that I will speak ill of our shared heritage.

    Pranam.
    Last edited by Believer; 11 October 2016 at 12:02 AM.

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    Re: Do Hindu Widows "Date"

    Namaste Believer,


    I would like to clarify the things about my post that bother you but I have to know what it is that is bothering you. Your words below don't give me a clue as to what ticked you off. Please don't get your blood boiling and then make a post. Just calm down, gather your thoughts and make an understandable post with lot of words. If half the things in your mind don't come out in the post when you are upset, then the post becomes incoherent.
    Thanks for the clarification. My reply was not an act of outburst.

    Here in India self certified rationalist are the first one to malign anything a Hindu consider as heritage. It is the not the words but the way a particular position / practice is criticized or viewed as. And what harm it can do. I replied to your post after reading it for 3 or 4 times, honestly, CONCEPTUALLY it was no different from the way old f@rts of D M K or Communist or Congress etc ridicule Indian heritage.

    If a person questions (I am not saying you are abusing) an age old custom just like a misinformed (including those with hidden agenda) west, there are many takers for that view here in India, simply because, we are yet to get out of the slavery mindset. Slavery mindset, is the mindset that TREAT anything coming from a brighter skin as the gospel of truth and rejecting anything coming from a person with a white thread dissecting the upper body as oppression and conservativeness.

    In the last 5 or 6 years we see a sudden increase of "Business Houses (BH)" that target women (age group between 25 to 50). Earlier it was confined to cities but now they are brazenly active every where. There are many reasons why this segment is targeted. I will take an another post to explain that point, if any one is interested.

    You will also wonder how your post can be linked with the one which support those BH indirectly or directly. Before I begin to explain let me make it clear I see dating completely different from friendship (if not, why we have two different words ? )

    1. There is an active force with vested interest working 24/7 to debunk the family values preached by Hinduism
    2. Every one of us very well know, in India, a family has a special influence on children. Especially the women folks of the family (mother, grand mother, sister, aunt etc etc) are the one who pass on our heritage and culture to the next generation. My point is to highlight the importance of that link.
    3. So if I as a BH is successful in breaking the link it is easy to fleece them. But how can I achieve because the link is well oiled and time tested.

    Naturally I need to render that link as self inflicting, age old, conservative to make my case. And what better way than to execute it under the umbrella of ideologies imported from the western world when we have ample slaves waiting to be tamed.

    We have people coming in public displaying their bodies, views and what not as though it is their right to expose what they wish because NONE can tell them what to wear* or how to behave or what to say in public. The opposite of it is conservativeness, a force that resist to change. Unfortunately these people are termed as celebrities.

    And when you say conservative Hindu mentality you are conceptually supporting the cause of BH. By saying somethings as a result of conservative mindset a seed is planted in the minds of young India that it is OK to date elderly people because they too have need and in the name of cultural heritage one should not KILL their right to exercise their choices. And it is just a beginning, because what follows is even more dangerous. When you passively support, you ll see how independent elders are liked BY young people. Are my statements sounding synonymous to cougar moms and sugar daddy advertisement? You have completely MISTAKEN me

    It is like this, written in a crude way:

    It is my life, I have money, I have desires, I am no longer burdened by responsibilities, even if I am can manage, it is just a company nothing else so let me address my needs under the umbrella suiting me.

    another version of the same but presented as the voice of victims

    Oh, this is not done, why only women is always expected to protect heritage. Is she an article to be possessed?

    * wear : Women and Men have the right to wear what they like as long as they behave in a responsible manner.

    We are digressing from the OP's topic.
    By calling it as conservative Hindu mindset or by saying "With this as the backdrop, in the socially conservative society that India is"?

    No offense intended, just saying how harmful is that position. The OP asks "What is wrong with enjoying female company once we are past our 20s."

    I am saying it is because of the cultural difference and not due to conservative Hindu mindset. Hope I have made it clear to you, sorry for a long post, but can't help it...


    Thanks....
    Last edited by Anirudh; 11 October 2016 at 06:59 AM.
    Anirudh...

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    Re: Do Hindu Widows "Date"

    Namaste,

    Quote Originally Posted by Anirudh View Post
    You will also wonder how your post can be linked with the one which support those BH indirectly or directly.
    Son, let us stay focused on the OP's questions and not extrapolate my statements to link them with everything bad happening in India. I would end up looking like a combination of Duryodhan/Kansa/Ravana and more.

    Pranam.

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    Re: Do Hindu Widows "Date"

    Namaste,
    Haven't read the whole thread but I have seen some older men/women get together. I suppose it is done mainly for companionship as old age brings loneliness and some of us don't know how to be alone. My guess is that it's more of a cultural norm of 'what will others say' that keeps our elderly separated.
    satay

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    Re: Do Hindu Widows "Date"

    Quote Originally Posted by Believer View Post
    Namaste,


    Son, let us stay focused on the OP's questions and not extrapolate my statements to link them with everything bad happening in India. I would end up looking like a combination of Duryodhan/Kansa/Ravana and more.

    Pranam.
    Namaste Believer,

    I feel sorry if my selection of words had hurt you. Trust me, I didn't want to hurt you in any way. I request you to read this link in your spare and please compare what you have written as your perspective.

    I would end up looking like a combination of Duryodhan/Kansa/Ravana and more.
    No you are not and wont
    In a lighter vein let me tell you if all the three happen to meet M K of DMK they will die in shame. And that's the magnitude of problems we are facing in India as no one talks in favor of Hinduism.
    Anirudh...

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