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Thread: Do Hindu Widows "Date"

  1. #11
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    Re: Do Hindu Widows "Date"

    Quote Originally Posted by Mystical Soul View Post
    Namaste, first of all I have no idea where this might belong but I trust the moderators will put it in the right place.

    OK here goes:
    I am a successful retiree man with a comfortable life who embraced Sanata Dharm several years ago. In talking to some of my Shivite friends I was told it would be shameful for me to consider taking an age appropriate lady to a concert because at our age we should be only considering renunciation.

    I am an American black man who is well educated and fairly conservative. I have been welcome in the temple and am an active participant both socially and financially. I never did ask that lady out. I did not want to jump in bed or have a wild cavorting time. Actually I just enjoy her company and wanted to have company at the concert. She indicated that she would like to spend time with me but I was afraid of causing trouble. One lady said if I just wanted company I should find an orphan child to take out! Sorry I don't wish to get arrested. What is wrong with enjoying female company once we are past our 20s.

    I have carried this in my heart for several years but would like input if possible
    Thank you
    MS,

    Maybe you are having a hard time getting female friends and company that are age-appropriate to go to a concert, etc, because Indian women are not used to that lifestyle. In spite of earning potential for women these days, older women who are divorced/widowed and are single rarely live by themselves. They mostly live with their children or in rare cases, with their still-surviving parents. And secondly, culturally having male friendship and dating are beyond the reach of single women in the baby-boomer age-frame. They might chit-chat if you go to their houses and make dishes for you and spend a warm afternoon drinking tea with you but them going out with you alone for a concert is pretty much unheard of. Atleast this is what I think. But there is nothing wrong about your wish. Keep looking and I pray you find someone real soon. Good wishes.
    jai hanuman gyan gun sagar jai kapis tihu lok ujagar

  2. #12
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    Re: Do Hindu Widows "Date"

    Namaste MS,

    Quote Originally Posted by Mystical Soul View Post
    I am a successful retiree man with a comfortable life who embraced Sanata Dharm several years ago. In talking to some of my Shivite friends I was told it would be shameful for me to consider taking an age appropriate lady to a concert because at our age we should be only considering renunciation.

    I am an American black man who is well educated and fairly conservative. I have been welcome in the temple and am an active participant both socially and financially. I never did ask that lady out. I did not want to jump in bed or have a wild cavorting time. Actually I just enjoy her company and wanted to have company at the concert. She indicated that she would like to spend time with me but I was afraid of causing trouble. One lady said if I just wanted company I should find an orphan child to take out! Sorry I don't wish to get arrested. What is wrong with enjoying female company once we are past our 20s.
    There are no hard and fast rules in Hinduism for how you lead your person life. Yes, you cannot keep drinking poison and wish for your good health. Company of a woman can be for spiritual purpose and also for carnal pleasures. Both the objectives are at 180 degrees directions. If you are married, with passage of time, the physical attraction for sexual pleasures takes a back seat and a real friendship develops. However, if you go for a casual company of a woman, it is difficult to have a relationship without some hidden sexual attraction hiding somewhere. If you don't agree with me : Ask yourself this question : Why do you need company of a woman alone and not a man's for a concert or for whatever purpose, if it has no sexual attraction however feeble it might me inside somewhere in your mind ?

    There is nothing wrong in having female company but be true to your intentions and stand for it. Just don't mix up your spiritual goal and your carnal pleasures. The problem is that most of the worldly pleasures which cause our spiritual downfall come to us in various camouflaged forms ... in very innocent forms .... in very very harmless form .... cajoling and making us believe that we have no such desires left and we are too powerful to be swayed by the onslaught of such desires. The reality is that it just needs a small hole in your armory to destroy your defense line. We keep seeing and hearing such stories about how where such innocent adventures lead to.

    That is why Lord says in Bhagwad Gita : The subjects of desires are more powerful than the sense organs. Even one sensual desire of one sense organ is capable of hijacking the mind of a practitioner in the same way as wind steals away a rudderless boat in a river.

    What to do then ? Marry a woman you like (choose carefully) even if people say that it is not your age, if you want a woman's company.

    OM
    "Om Namo Bhagvate Vaasudevaye"

  3. #13
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    Re: Do Hindu Widows "Date"

    Namaste Devotee

    The problem is that most of the worldly pleasures which cause our spiritual downfall come to us in various camouflaged forms ... in very innocent forms .... in very very harmless form .... cajoling and making us believe that we have no such desires left and we are too powerful to be swayed by the onslaught of such desires. The reality is that it just needs a small hole in your armory to destroy your defense line. We keep seeing and hearing such stories about how where such innocent adventures lead to.
    Spiritually I haven't achieved anything substantial to comment on your words, but, very honestly, based on my own experiences, fully agree with you. You have addressed the underlying point correctly and precisely.

    In fact, our desires cheat us to indulge in activities that result into later repenting. From the surface they look harmless, but, they are the worst enemy of us.
    Anirudh...

  4. #14
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    Re: Do Hindu Widows "Date"

    Namaste MS,

    You had asked about 'what is wrong with enjoying the company of this one specific female; a desire that you have carried in your heart for many years'. Many of us did not read your post and went off topic. We either suggested 'how to find a girl to marry' (as if at age 67 you don't know how ), or gone into long discourses on Hindu philosophy (as if you are a novice to Hinduism). I realize that collectively we failed and expressed views on things that you did not ask about. And for that, I apologize. But I would like to know - by borrowing relevant snippets from each post - did we help at all?

    Pranam.
    Last edited by Believer; 14 October 2016 at 11:01 AM.

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    Re: Do Hindu Widows "Date"

    Quote Originally Posted by Believer View Post
    Namaste MS,

    You had asked about 'what is wrong with enjoying the company of this one specific female; a desire that you have carried in your heart for many years'. Many of us did not read your post and went off topic. We either suggested 'how to find a girl to marry' (as if at age 67 you don't know how ), or gone into long discourses on Hindu philosophy (as if you are a novice to Hinduism). I realize that collectively we failed and expressed views on things that you did not ask about. And for that, I apologize. But I would like to know - by borrowing relevant snippets from each post - did we help at all?

    Pranam.
    In a quick answer YES. OK first of all forgive the delay in answering I was away from home traveling and computer access was spotty at best. However I learned quite a bit from reading all of the postings. Going to a concert with a man??? humm... the thought never crossed my mind. In this culture two men going to something like that together may be perceived as being gay. I have no problems with gays and I in no way condemn them. However sitting at a jazz concert with another man would to me just feel uncomfortable. I'd rather go alone or stay home. Unless there were several of us then that makes a different statement.

    I don't think you collectively failed me at all. I appreciate the time each person took to respond. I have attended events with women as friends and never thought about approaching them sexually. I have also studied the relationships between men and women in temple activities and see a difference in how the two cultures relate.

    As this was years ago I have since married to a non religious person. I wish things could be different but that is clearly not my karma....

    Thank you very much again. This list is wonderful and I have learned a lot from it.
    In whatever way people surrender unto me, I reciprocate with them accordingly.

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