Lately I've begun to wonder if Hinduism has really benefited me spiritually. I know when I was previously a Christian (more specifically a Unitarian Universalist) the tenets of that faith didn't help me one bit, but right now I don't know if Hinduism has helped me at all.
I say that because even after several years of trying to be a Hindu as a Westerner, I still find myself the same person I was before I started on this path: a broken man. Wallowing in so much despair and depression that even the desire to help myself has left me. I often find myself wanting the Gods and Goddesses to fix things in my life - or at least fix me - but not having the strength to reach out to them, or resenting them for not being there when I need them.
Lately it feels like my life is just waiting for something worth waiting for...even if it's death. I honestly don't know what's going to get me out of my hole at the moment. I just want that desire to help myself, that spark of life, that self-esteem to fill me again. But it's a vicious cycle, where I lack a desire to help myself, so I lose self-esteem, losing more desire to help myself and so on.
I need to break this cycle somehow...but how?