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Thread: Still broken

  1. #1
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    Unhappy Still broken

    Namaste HDF...

    Lately I've begun to wonder if Hinduism has really benefited me spiritually. I know when I was previously a Christian (more specifically a Unitarian Universalist) the tenets of that faith didn't help me one bit, but right now I don't know if Hinduism has helped me at all.

    I say that because even after several years of trying to be a Hindu as a Westerner, I still find myself the same person I was before I started on this path: a broken man. Wallowing in so much despair and depression that even the desire to help myself has left me. I often find myself wanting the Gods and Goddesses to fix things in my life - or at least fix me - but not having the strength to reach out to them, or resenting them for not being there when I need them.

    Lately it feels like my life is just waiting for something worth waiting for...even if it's death. I honestly don't know what's going to get me out of my hole at the moment. I just want that desire to help myself, that spark of life, that self-esteem to fill me again. But it's a vicious cycle, where I lack a desire to help myself, so I lose self-esteem, losing more desire to help myself and so on.

    I need to break this cycle somehow...but how?

  2. #2
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    Re: Still broken

    Quote Originally Posted by Webimpulse View Post
    Namaste HDF...

    Lately I've begun to wonder if Hinduism has really benefited me spiritually. I know when I was previously a Christian (more specifically a Unitarian Universalist) the tenets of that faith didn't help me one bit, but right now I don't know if Hinduism has helped me at all.

    I say that because even after several years of trying to be a Hindu as a Westerner, I still find myself the same person I was before I started on this path: a broken man. Wallowing in so much despair and depression that even the desire to help myself has left me. I often find myself wanting the Gods and Goddesses to fix things in my life - or at least fix me - but not having the strength to reach out to them, or resenting them for not being there when I need them.

    Lately it feels like my life is just waiting for something worth waiting for...even if it's death. I honestly don't know what's going to get me out of my hole at the moment. I just want that desire to help myself, that spark of life, that self-esteem to fill me again. But it's a vicious cycle, where I lack a desire to help myself, so I lose self-esteem, losing more desire to help myself and so on.

    I need to break this cycle somehow...but how?
    Namaste Webimpulse,

    I do not wish to get into judgemental or advisory tone. I wish to share my experience, hope it helps to see you through the difficult times.

    My experiences have helped me to realize that I am responsible for my present past and future. Operating from that base, I approach life. Learning understanding and surrendering to Sriman Naaraayan has helped me to face the battle in a positive way.

    If you wish to believe me and have the desire to quench your thirst, please learn Srimad Bhagavad Gita. I am not saying you will be blessed with all the finest things of the world the moment your read Srimad Bhagavad Gita. Historically Srimad B.G has enlightened many distressed people including me. I am sure it will definitely help you to find answers to the questions haunting you.

    Last but not the least, many of the decisions I have taken till date revolved around these two beautiful quotes by Sri Chinmayananda

    "Faith is to believe in what you do not see, reward of which is you will see what you believed"
    "Work without faith and prayer is like an artificial flower without fragrance"

    Pay attention to first two chapters, please read all of the commentaries. It helps us to gain clarity on the subject being discussed. Then compare the situation you are facing with that of Sri Arjuna and see if the remedies given by Sri Krishna is valid to you as well. I took almost twenty hours (in a span of two weeks) to understand the first two chapters... After laying a firm and clear base, other chapters were much easier to understand.

    As I end, wish to reiterate that neither I am judging nor advising you. Sharing the lessons I learned the hard way.

    PS: When you are done with Srimad B.G please read Sundara Kaandam of Srimad Vaalmiki Raamaayana. In my case, I began with Sundara Kaandam. Most of the doubt raised during Sundara Kaandam paaraayanam (learning) were cleared after reading Srimad Bhagavad Gita.
    Last edited by Anirudh; 10 March 2017 at 12:38 AM.
    Anirudh...

  3. #3

    Re: Still broken

    Namaste Webimpulse Ji,

    I have seen this many a times and the only thing that can help is to find good sangha, good association and doing some seva and being busy and engage yourself in activities that do not revolve around self absorption. Mind is like a wheel and if its stuck in lower vibration then it becomes narak chakra or hellish cycle. Not only will seva and sadhu sangha help raise the vibration but it will replace and dissolve the current impressions in your mind with more positive ones, which then gradually lead towards true transcendental states. Go to groups who do some Bhajan and Kirtan, also listen to Bhajanas at home, and classes and talks by teachers that inspire you, memorize verses then meditate and reflect on the meaning, Krsna says when the mind wanders bring back under control. If at first you dont succeed try again, if life knocks you down get back up. Keeping good morality in body speech and mind is essential.

    Yoga is not a cheap path that just comes about via changing of ones label or identity, there is tapas, some work to be done that goes against the grain. Implementing Sadhana and discipline, getting up early in the morning when the atmosphere is more clear, regulating sleeping and eating habits balances the mind body dynamic. If your waiting for some magic to happen I am not sure it will come, I do not want to limit krpa but in all the previous accounts of aspirants in self realization and even by the example of Pandavas and Lord Ram Himself they did work to benefits others and also self discipline relentlessly and after some time, maybe few months, maybe few lifetimes doesn't matter one will gain success.

    If you can find a good group that you feel comfortable with then just by being with them will help raise the mind to higher more healthy level, the longer its left to just go round in meaningless repetitive cycles then it just digs a deeper rut and it will get harder and harder to raise yourself. Ultimately if you do not raise yourself not only will you suffer and it will effect others around you, so going for self realization and the skill in life that goes with it benefits oneself and all others simultaneously.

    Pranam

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    Re: Still broken

    Hari Om!

    Please know that you are applauded at the honesty that is presented, and know more that many before you have been in the same place - the doubting. For some, it comes and goes more so than for others. Try to not be so hard on yourself.

    In my own experience and for both issues you present, Yoga Nidra has been extremely beneficial. If you are interested, PM me and I return a list of those that present great versions. Nothing to lose.

    All the best to you.

    Om

  5. #5
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    Re: Still broken

    Namaste one and all...


    Quote Originally Posted by markandeya 108 dasa View Post
    Namaste Webimpulse Ji,


    I have seen this many a times and the only thing that can help is to find good sangha, good association and doing some seva and being busy and engage yourself in activities that do not revolve around self absorption. Mind is like a wheel and if its stuck in lower vibration then it becomes narak chakra or hellish cycle. Not only will seva and sadhu sangha help raise the vibration but it will replace and dissolve the current impressions in your mind with more positive ones, which then gradually lead towards true transcendental states. Go to groups who do some Bhajan and Kirtan, also listen to Bhajanas at home, and classes and talks by teachers that inspire you, memorize verses then meditate and reflect on the meaning, Krsna says when the mind wanders bring back under control. If at first you dont succeed try again, if life knocks you down get back up. Keeping good morality in body speech and mind is essential.

    I can relate to this, for what my opinion is worth.

    I have a short fuse at times: I can be impatient, mostly when driving. I used to have serious problems with road rage, to the point of harassing and bullying other drivers, especially those in smaller vehicles (I drive a pickup truck). I think it's the anonymity of being behind glass. Fortunately I've never hurt anyone or had an accident. I don't care about myself getting hurt, I surely deserve it. The long-timers here can vouch for my short-tempered exchanges at HDF before I realized that is not who I want to be, and disappeared for a time to regroup and reinvent myself.

    My daily speech is littered with phrases and words that would make a sailor or long-haul trucker be embarrassed to hear. I also tend to judge people and often see them as less than worthy of respect, and even worse, life. It's very often difficult in these times to see the divine in people, but we have to try. It is not something I am proud of, rather, it is a bad habit. It was reinforced during my time dabbling with Heathenry (Norse religion and culture, i.e. Viking). The road rage is pretty much a thing of the past, and I am working on the other things.

    Now, this is not to make this a confession and assuage a guilty conscience, but rather to say that the more I associate at temple and with Indian coworkers, I am curbing these bad habits. Which brings me to saying that I whole-heartedly agree with surrounding oneself with people of good character and wholesome activities, whether at temple or another venue. I see it in action. You know, my late father-in-law used to say "show me your friends and I'll tell you who you are".
    śivasya hridayam viṣṇur viṣṇoscha hridayam śivaḥ

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