Namaste all..
I wasnt on the forum from months and many things changed in my life between these days, one can say drastic changes.

As many may remember I becomed devotee at the age of 14.. There was no compulsion or even family background, I choose this path by my own maybe accidentally.. And fall in love with lord Shiva and then what happened is happened by its own.
I becomed so much mature than the age of my kids, got much spiritual knowledge and many spiritual experiences, the feeling of ecstacy which is beyond to explain..
But this had some other impacts too, maybe due to situations or my nature and interest in spirituality I becomed so much introvert, I am almost always at home and haven't mix up with others except school, college and on social media platform. This affected my personality too

In the starting of this year, even I was connected with god but my nature changed little bit, with extreme longing to meet God I becomed little angry on god coz I want him like others get the person they love.

Slowly I started becoming material and came far from spirituality, again don't know how that happened..
Now I am not connected and feeling like any other material person but becoming material gave me so much pain, I was depressed first time in my life, the reason was now I am extrovert and if I look back in my life I feel sad..
Coz kids of my age was playing, hanging out with friends and doing so much fun.. And I missed all those.. And that's why become depressed..
So much that thoughts like suicide came (I will never do it tho)

Then I decided whatever happened is gone, now I should do what I was missing like hanging out with friends, go to trek or dayout.. But everytime I tried I failed.. I yet didn't able to go anywhere.. Everytime I planned it canceled, luck is not with me so I hadn't manage to come from depression.. Also faced road accident on Monday..

I don't know what exactly my question is but I am so sad, tired and confused.. Did it was my wrong decision to come in spirituality? What should I do now..
Sorry for negativity
Pranam