Thank you MD ji and Viraj ji for your enlightening replies
I am getting some clues what I need to do now.. I think this all governs by subtle things like thoughts, mind. I need to control them first and keep them on track.
As MD ji said wisdom and to add to it bhakti.. may help me a lot..
And to become selfless is other positive aspect Viraj ji pointed out. Thanks a lot.
Pranam