Hindu Wedding - Civil and Vedic

[ScottMalaysia]

My wife (who was born a Hindu but decided to become Christian) and I got married by a civil marriage celebrant in New Zealand. The marriage was legally solemnized and is recognized as a legal marriage even here in Malaysia.

We then returned to Malaysia, and due to family pressure, I converted and she reverted to Hinduism. I want to know, do Hindus consider those who have been married in a civil ceremony but not the Vedic wedding ceremony to be married, or is true marriage in Hinduism only conferred through the Vedic wedding ceremony? Neither of us were Hindu at the time of our marriage, so now that we have decided to follow the Hindu faith, are we obliged to perform the Vedic marriage rites before we can be considered man and wife? Do we really need a second wedding? Can anyone find any scriptural proof for either point of view?

(I know that Catholic and Orthodox Christianity, and also Islam require converts to either be remarried in their new faith or undergo a blessing which conveys the blessings of matrimony in the new faith, but to me, Hinduism seems to be above such legalistic and ritualistic practices).

[ScottMalaysia]

Since no-one has replied, I'll share what I found out.

I asked this question on Live Help at www.krishna.com, and I explained the circumstances to the lady there. She said that yes, we are married, but we just need to do the fire sacrifice to make it complete.

[Eastern Mind]

Vannakkam Scott; I think a Hindu wedding would be in order. Then you would be informing the Gods of it, and hoping of course for their blessings on the auspicious occasion. If you are sincere as a Hindu soul, then this is important. My wife and I had 3 weddings. The first was the civil. At that time Hindu priests did not have the correct qualifications from the government (here in Canada) to do legal weddings. Now all that has changed. The second was a Hindu wedding in Hawaii just from learning, reading books, etc. not with a qualified vedic priest. Then about 8 years later, once we had integrated with the Tamil community here, we were advised by them that at least we HAD to have the thali tieing ceremony. So we followed their advice and did that part, homa etc. So I jokingly say I've been married 3 times. Best of luck on the wedding. Aum Namsivaya

[saidevo]

VaNakkam EM.

Vannakkam Scott; I think a Hindu wedding would be in order. Then you would be informing the Gods of it, and hoping of course for their blessings on the auspicious occasion. If you are sincere as a Hindu soul, then this is important. My wife and I had 3 weddings. The first was the civil. At that time Hindu priests did not have the correct qualifications from the government (here in Canada) to do legal weddings. Now all that has changed. The second was a Hindu wedding in Hawaii just from learning, reading books, etc. not with a qualified vedic priest. Then about 8 years later, once we had integrated with the Tamil community here, we were advised by them that at least we HAD to have the thali tieing ceremony. So we followed their advice and did that part, homa etc. So I jokingly say I've been married 3 times. Best of luck on the wedding. Aum Namsivaya

Makes nice reading, your wedding experiences. You would need to have yet another wedding, on your shasTiaptapUrti (that is, when you commence your 60th year); this wedding will also be complete with the 'thAli tieing' ceremony, fire sacrifice et al. And then possibly, another when you reach 80--called sadAbhishekam and finally another when you near your 100--called kanakAbhishekam. Thus in Hindu Dharma, a wedding is solemnized reiteratively at different periods of life. One reason for the 60th year celebration is to enable the children to witness their parents in their maNakkolam (wedding poses).

AyuShmAn bhavaH!

[ScottMalaysia]

I recently found out that in Manu-Smriti, there are eight kinds of marriages. One of them is Gandharva Marriage, where a couple marry against they wishes of their parents. The only things necessary for a Gandharva marriage are mutual love and consent. I talked with a lady on Krishna.com Live Help who is familiar with the Scriptures and she told me that the Gandharva marriage applies to my wife and I.

On Sunday, after the class at the temple, some children put on a short play about Krishna and Rukmini. He married her in the Rakshasa rite - where the groom fights with the bride's family, overcomes them and kidnaps the bride to marry her.

[Arjuna]

Do we really need a second wedding?

There is no point of "need" unless U both want to. Living together as husband and wife is de facto a marriage. But it's a good idea to have civil marriage blessed via traditional samskara