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Thread: Namaste, Advice needed

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    Unhappy Namaste, Advice needed

    ...............
    Last edited by Aartee; 03 November 2008 at 05:54 AM.

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    Re: Namaste, Advice needed

    Namaste Aartee,

    If you would not have been already married, I would have suggested you to reconsider the marriage because interfaith marriages are very difficult to make work. It needs a lot of maturity and understanding from both the sides.

    Since you are already married, I will suggest you different option. According to Hinduism marriage is a spiritual union. Wife is known as 'Dharma Patni'. I will suggest you to work on it.

    If possible, avoid faith discussions for few days. When you both are in good mood, tell him that you dearly love your religion. That offers you ultimate spiritual satisfaction. Tell him very politely that he has right to refuse coming to pujas and yagyas, you can still go to Church to show him your support. However he does not have right to stop your freedom of worship. Tell him that you rever your spirituality as much as he does his own. Tell him that 'he can force you to not attend worship, but your heart is temple of krishna/Shiva/deity, and it will remain irrespective of his pressure. If he will co-operate then your respect for him will multiply, If he will not, then also you will still worship Hindu deities.'

    Don't raise your tone but show that you are firm. Also tell him that you respect his individuality and see how it goes.

    Plus, as you are now married, please give a thought about your future children. Best option should be do expose them to both the religions and let them make their own decision when they grow up.

    Hope that helped you.
    Jai Sri Krishna ,

    reflections.

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    Re: Namaste, Advice needed

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    Last edited by Aartee; 03 November 2008 at 05:55 AM.
    Aartee
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    Re: Namaste, Advice needed

    Hari Om
    ~~~~~


    Quote Originally Posted by Aartee View Post
    Namaste my friends,

    My story to you all today is on my marriage, this is one of the reasons why i joined this forum, looking for some advice. You see, I being a Hindu and my husband being of the Christian faith, is always and constantly preeching to me about converting.
    My dear friends he and I have been together two and a half years before deciding to get married.. he knowing I am a Hindu from day one. I thought this religion difference would not come up, but it is slowly becoming the topic of frustration in my marriage. We only got married in March of this year. Which was a Hindu ceremony. and already i feel stressed, exhausted and frustrated on the topic.
    He keeps pressuring me to go to church with him. And told me that he wont go to satsangs and yagnas with me cause he will not partake in such things.
    I am a stronger believer in my faith and get plenty fufillment from it. I have no intentions of converting. He does want me to participate in puja when my parents has them. This is bothering me alot. But i say that it's what I have in my heart he cannot take away and the prayers a meditation that i may say, he will never know.
    I love him very much, and I do want to spend my entire lifetime with him, but it hurts me that he does and partakes in everything in his faith and wants me to ignore mines. I tell him that if he dont want me to pray in my faith i will be without God for the rest of my life then. Because i will not be a part of something that constricts you and brain washes you about aother faiths. I do not try to convert him to hinduism. Plese if anyone can give me some advice, I willing apriciate it... Anita.
    Namaste Aartee

    First let me say I do not have your answer. Yet I do notice one thing, that both of you have a common theme, a common focus, that of the Lord. Your spouse may call the Lord by another name, but his Lord is still anuttara, Supreme, as is your Lord.

    There is commonality there. Is this not a good place to start the conversation - that of sameness? He chooses to rejoice or worship in one way, and you another. This adoration is still going to sattā, Being, the Supreme, the Lord.

    Worship is differernt - Lord is not.


    pranams
    यतस्त्वं शिवसमोऽसि
    yatastvaṁ śivasamo'si
    because you are identical with śiva

    _

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    Re: Namaste, Advice needed

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    Last edited by Aartee; 03 November 2008 at 05:55 AM.
    Aartee
    God opens doors no man can close, and closes doors no man can open...

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    Re: Namaste, Advice needed

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    Last edited by Aartee; 03 November 2008 at 05:55 AM.
    Aartee
    God opens doors no man can close, and closes doors no man can open...

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    Re: Namaste, Advice needed

    This may sound a bit harsh, but.... It is never too late to undo a wrong. We have the ability to think freely. I know that there are societal and inner pride challenges, but sometimes...and it seems he is already suggesting it.. divorce may be the best solution. I have witnessed it a few times, and mostly I thought it was for the best. I can think of 3 examples off hand.

    One was where the husband was just plain disorganized and lazy yet demanding, as a consequence the children were starving. Wife left with the kids mostly for their sake.

    Another was an interacial interfaith marriage. Husband reconnected with his religion (Hindu) after 3 kids, wife wasn't very understanding, so divorce happened by mutual consent. (this one wasn't so ugly as the first.)

    The last was a wife who got very religious (not by my definition) but lets say into a yoga guru, and practise.. ridiculous long hours at a time, and hence there was no time for anything else, especially the marriage.

    Regardless, best of luck in your choice. Aum Namasivaya

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    Re: Namaste, Advice needed

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    Last edited by Harjas Kaur; 25 October 2008 at 12:50 AM.

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    Re: Namaste, Advice needed

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    Last edited by Aartee; 03 November 2008 at 05:56 AM.
    Aartee
    God opens doors no man can close, and closes doors no man can open...

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    Re: Namaste, Advice needed

    Namaste Aartee.

    We had a woman colleague in office who was a Hindu and her husband a Christian. They were classmates in school and the acquaintance developed into marriage. I don't know about the parents of the couple, but the couple themselves are happy together, leading a life of a dual religion, both of them performing the rituals of both the religions, and having images of Hindu gods and Jesus at home.

    Unfortunately, such accommodation seems to be not there in your newly wedded life, nor the willingness to accommodate each other religiously. You both stand rigid on your own religion because of personal convictions, and therein lies the problem. I hope you beware that the problems would be much more complicated once you have children.

    Quote Originally Posted by Aartee View Post
    Please I come here to get peace of mind and be around the people who understands me. And also those who can help me to help him understand our religion. Other than my prayers, I seek help here.
    Does he know that you have signed up here? Why not invite him too? HDF members can help him understand our religion if he is interested in such discussions and joins the Forum, so why not invite him too? Keep praying though, for prayers can be precursors to miracles.

    PS: If he is rational about God and religion, I think you can encourage him to read Theosophy, which highlights the Hindu concepts--specially karma and rebirth--in a way that suits the westerners. After he has enough acquaintance with Theosophy, he can turn his attention to the core ancient wisdom it is based on, and this can automatically lead him to know about and understand Hinduism.

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