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Thread: Sex in the mind

  1. #1
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    Sex in the mind

    Namaste,

    Alright. I feel like I have a family here. I Have a strong connection mainly with devotee, atanu, yajvan (though I dont see him on here much), and easternmind. So I feel comfortable addressing the subject of sex. Now I am a married man and love my wife very much. SHe is very very attractive, but I still find myself looking at other women. Now this would never allow me to cheat on my wife. I have been in a situation at my old job where I had the opportunity of sleeping with two women (not because I am hot stuff but because well they are not the sweet chaste girls). Anyways those situations came upw here i could get away with it but I would never ever ever do it. I have too much love for my wife. I went as far as trying to avoid these girls (Which was difficult where i worked). So my main point is just because I have a wandeirng eye doesnt mean I am looking for sex.

    But the problem is ill check out a girl. I think some of you know what I mean. I will find them attractive. Which is fine but my difficulty is the mind clinging to these images. So I will look at a girl pass me by and notice that she looks good in terms of body and face. Because I find there is a difference between someone seeing a girls face and finding her attractive , but I actually look at her as a whole. This is what bothers me.

    I want to give this up. So that my mind does not commit fornication. Even though physically i will never commit fornication, but the mind easily does. How Do I stop this? I am starting my hindu journey and I want to purify myself. I know I will never progress without ridding myself of these desires. How do I do it?

    If anybody thinks bad of me know that it is only my "Ego" that is attached. I am beyond that, but I cannot find this big I just yet.

    with love
    -juan

  2. #2

    Re: Sex in the mind

    Hi,

    I think meditating on corpses (like in Buddhism) may help. That girl that is so attractive, that will just use you and leave you, will once be old and ugly. she wont help you out like your wife will. When you look at a girl, imagine how she will look 50 years from then, if she is even alive.

    However, your wife and you are "two bodies, one spirit" - Shiva and paravati in essence.

    namaste.

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    Re: Sex in the mind

    Namaste: This is an open and honest post. I appreciate that. SS, do you have a sister? Or maybe even your mother. If so, think of her. get that sort of love, the love for sister, or mother, into your head. Then do the horizontal transfer bit over to all other women besides your wife, of course. They are all your sisters or mothers. Treat them that way. Then your family grows even larger, because all women are your sisters. That is the correct way to think. That is why we say Namaste or Vannakkam. You have to look at the soul. Even your wife is the soul, not the body.

    Aum Namasivaya

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    Re: Sex in the mind

    Namaste,

    That was beautiful Eastern mind. That is something I can work with. Its hard for me to do the buddhist practice of meditating upon corpse because at the moment when desire arises your not really being attracted to the corpse or what its going to look like in 50 years. But perhaps If i try to keep in mind that all (Besides my wife as you suggested) are my mothers and sisters. That is beautiful indeed

    -juan

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    Re: Sex in the mind

    Find methods of fulfillment (i.e. finding happiness) that do not have to do with sex or women.

    This is where Yoga & meditation help. Conquering this sexual attraction is one of the most difficult steps for any human being. Even Vishwamitra, the Brahmarishi, failed after the bodacious babe (apsara) Menaka was 'dancing' (lap dance? ) in front of him. He strayed off the path and had a child with her; SHAKUNTALA, the mother of the child who is the namesake of India: BHARAT!

    It may be nice to surround yourself with ugly women. Perhaps that's why PUSSlims always make the women wear the burka so the men will not be aroused by them. If the women are beautiful, you can't see them; if they are ugly, you still can't see them! That sounds like a solution alright! hahaha..

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    Re: Sex in the mind

    Namaste,

    My suggestion, in addition to all those already offered, is: be a vegetarian.

    Yet, the nature of food will take its own course, creating warmth and desire. Three steps are of help. 1. To enjoy natural sex with wife, while mentally doing mantra japa. 2. To remember that God is the goal, even when in ecstacy. 3. To remember that the attractions are objects of senses, and doings are of gunas alone, unconnected with surfaceless spirit.

    Only absolute advaita realisation (by burning the ignorance of 'another', which is the cause of desire, with the light of third eye) can lead to complete freedom. Not otherwise.

    So set and keep remembering your ultimate goal and leave it to God.

    Om Namah Shivaya
    That which is without letters (parts) is the Fourth, beyond apprehension through ordinary means, the cessation of the phenomenal world, the auspicious and the non-dual. Thus Om is certainly the Self. He who knows thus enters the Self by the Self.

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    Re: Sex in the mind

    Namaste Atanu,

    Thank you for your remarkable post. Let me see if I understand the first part. During sex its okay for me to mentally recite a Mantra? Just want to make sure i understand you right.

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    Re: Sex in the mind

    Namaste,

    Perhaps it is simple minded to think as I do, but, it seems to me that obsession with the physical friction, enticement, is somewhat akin to eating spicy food.

    If the burn of the curry and peppers purifies through the senses, then the abrupt imposition does not perhaps disrupt.


    ZN
    yaireva patanaM dravyaiH siddhistaireva choditA .
    shrI kauladarshane chApi bhairaveNa mahAtmanA .

    It is revealed in the sacred doctrine of Kula and by the great Bhairava, that the perfection is achieved by that very means by which fall occurs.

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    Re: Sex in the mind

    Quote Originally Posted by Znanna View Post
    Namaste,

    Perhaps it is simple minded to think as I do, but, it seems to me that obsession with the physical friction, enticement, is somewhat akin to eating spicy food.

    If the burn of the curry and peppers purifies through the senses, then the abrupt imposition does not perhaps disrupt.
    ZN
    Namaste ZN,

    The enticement is indeed like obsession with any other sensual touch and friction. Regarding the second sentence of yours however, i ask: does not indiscriminate use of peppers cause ulcers?

    Like once you said: "I like eating the chocolate rather than being the chocolate". This saying is very similar to dvaitin argument "I would enjoy the rasa rather than be the rasa".

    According to Guru Ramana, this is sacrilege, to reduce the source of all -- you, me and the senses that separate you and me -- to an object. He asks "Then who is the subject?"

    Regards


    For SS,

    One can remember God at any and all times. Remember the subject at all times, whatever the mind-body may be busy with.
    Last edited by atanu; 01 August 2009 at 01:13 AM.
    That which is without letters (parts) is the Fourth, beyond apprehension through ordinary means, the cessation of the phenomenal world, the auspicious and the non-dual. Thus Om is certainly the Self. He who knows thus enters the Self by the Self.

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    Re: Sex in the mind

    Quote Originally Posted by Spiritualseeker View Post
    Alright. I feel like I have a family here. I Have a strong connection mainly with devotee, atanu, yajvan (though I dont see him on here much), and easternmind. So I feel comfortable addressing the subject of sex. Now I am a married man and love my wife very much. SHe is very very attractive, but I still find myself looking at other women. Now this would never allow me to cheat on my wife. I have been in a situation at my old job where I had the opportunity of sleeping with two women (not because I am hot stuff but because well they are not the sweet chaste girls). Anyways those situations came upw here i could get away with it but I would never ever ever do it. I have too much love for my wife. I went as far as trying to avoid these girls (Which was difficult where i worked). So my main point is just because I have a wandeirng eye doesnt mean I am looking for sex.

    But the problem is ill check out a girl. I think some of you know what I mean. I will find them attractive. Which is fine but my difficulty is the mind clinging to these images. So I will look at a girl pass me by and notice that she looks good in terms of body and face. Because I find there is a difference between someone seeing a girls face and finding her attractive , but I actually look at her as a whole. This is what bothers me.

    I want to give this up. So that my mind does not commit fornication. Even though physically i will never commit fornication, but the mind easily does. How Do I stop this? I am starting my hindu journey and I want to purify myself. I know I will never progress without ridding myself of these desires. How do I do it?

    If anybody thinks bad of me know that it is only my "Ego" that is attached. I am beyond that, but I cannot find this big I just yet.
    Namaste SS,

    This "problem" ( ?) is not with you but with almost all males. I was surprised when once Yajvan ji said that he too had problem in dealing with this issue.

    There are very good suggestions already given. EM's suggestion is certainly good & practical .... I have seen that your views towards women undergo drastic change after you get a daughter. The problem is that we don't see the women as fellow human being who have similar problems, emotions etc. as we have & they are not only an object of sex .... we are too focussed on the body which is just a covering ... this focus must shift to the real person inside.

    Similarly, the suggestion of TTA is also valuable. The meditation brings you peace ... nearer to God & the experience of that bliss is certainly a better bargain than any worldly enjoyment. You are seeking pleasures in worldly things because you don't know anything better which gives you more & lasting joy. The sexual pleasure is only for a few minutes but it disturbs your peace for quite a long time. The peace / the bliss which is experienced in meditation takes you away from this worldly pleasure.

    Again, as Atanu has given very valuable suggestion ... food plays very important role in increasing / decreasing your carnal desires. If you keep on eating Rajsik/Tamsik foods ... it would be extremely difficult to control your desires.

    ---------------------------------------

    I shall share my experience. I had ( perhaps still has, "hidden") in me very strong desire towards opposite sex. These are the things which helped me :

    a) I learnt that all habits are acquired habits. And every habit can be changed.
    b) Seeing women as person & not as sexual objects. All attractions are within my mind. I can always take my mind to better things which assure me freedom & peace & not bondage for a short-lived carnal pleasure. Chanting Mantra, focussing "within" & feeling the peace/bliss of God immediately helps.
    c) It is not a problem. It is the nature you are born with like other males. Don't fight ... don't try to suppress but detach yourself ... because you are not what can get trapped into all this. Be a witness & go inside.
    d) The more you do it, the more you think about it ... the more you are putting strength into any habit. Non-attachment & avoiding all situations where you can become weak ... is important. Don't challenge yourself ... and don't try to test whether you have overcome all bondage to the particular habit .... the most of the times, unless you have Realisation, environment is stronger than human will power. Keep away from environment which can make you weaker.
    e) Use intellectual discrimination .... what are material pleasures ? The pleasure lies in the hunger & not actually in the sensual activity. You make yourself hungry & then keep running after means to satisfy that hunger. The balm certainly is soothing .... but why to get a headache in the first place ? When I was a kid ... I didn't know sex .... and I was happier ... because I didn't have this hunger. Why create this hunger & get bound to it ? Isn't like first acquiring a disease & look for a remedy ?

    Moreover, it is an endless cycle which binds me. I get hungry ... I get mad to satisfy that hunger .... I get satisfaction after indulging in the sensual activity .... the hunger again comes back ... again I go mad .... ! Hey, when am I going to be free from all that ? Do I really need anything external to be happy ? No ! Why should my happiness depend upon something external to me ? I am complete in myself. I have to simply go within & find that peace & bliss which is always with me but I have forgotten by my habit of looking too much outside. I must seek inside the everlasting peace & happiness .... which is my True Nature.


    OM
    "Om Namo Bhagvate Vaasudevaye"

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