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Thread: Teenage Problem

  1. #1
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    Teenage Problem

    Alright I am just a teenager and going on 17. I am girl. And I have a problem. And I want a dharmic solution to it.

    I am in eleventh a sophomore. After twelth it will be college. Eleventh and twelth are like one big class going on for two years. That means eleventh is very essential for my career. But the problem is that I am finding it very difficult to concentrate on my studies. And I am not sure but I think that maybe because of my attitude I will blow up my whole carreer and consequently my life.

    The thing that I have observed is that I am very restless and my mind is going on and off in all different directions, which is not supposed to happen. I used be calmer and composed years back, but now I have gone more wild. It is also my basic nature that I don't get pressurized to work and nor do have much zeal towards it. I know I have to change my nature but it is proving to be so difficult. I might as well develop an inclinination towards work but simply repeating the thinngs (like I have to work and I have to work) isn't helping at all.

    I can't simply sit still with a book in my hand even for an hour. I keep on taking breaks and my mind keeps on wandering. I am an engineering student. That means I study Chemistry, Maths, Physics, English and Economics at school. And on top of that I have my coaching classes from 4-8 three days a week. the only thing in my mind should be studies but it is not.

    Actually I want to become a novelist when I grow up. But the I know that first I will have to get a degree, a job and then I an think about writing or any other thing. I seriously need to focus. And the basic problem is that I always keep thing half done, because nothing holds my attention after an hour and nothing gets completed and I end up getting tensed and very frustrated coupled with the fact that it addds to my work load.

    My parents really trust, But when I do no work and I have to hide from them, then I even lie. Even though I do it very rarely but I don't like it. And then it feels that I am jsut making fun of their trust. Please I want a very simple solution. Like some mantra, a very short mediatation. Something short enough not to bore me or make me restless. I really want my mind to stop wandeing her and there.

    And then there is this addiction to I Pod, computer and all that gadgets. I don't watch tv at all, and I am no longer that active on net. But instead of devoting that time on studies, it is just getting wasted because I never seem to completely finish something.

  2. #2

    Re: Teenage Problem

    don't worry.
    What is Here, is Elsewhere. What is not Here, is Nowhere.

  3. #3
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    Re: Teenage Problem

    Eriko: Just to give you a bit of my experience, although it has been in the west. (Indian culture demands a much harder work ethic than here in the west, for students.) My wife and I raised 5 children, the youngest now being 18, so we're almost over the teenage years. I also taught school and was a counsellor to teenagers and younger children for awhile. That is not to say that I am any expert.

    About two years back to right now, when my daughter was 16, we had a private darshan meeting with my Guru. She expressed similar ideas of frustration to him along with "My friends all just seem so stupid."

    The first question he asked was, "How old are you?" When she replied, '16' he laughed and said, "that's most of it." In other words, there is not a whole lot to do about it. It will go away. It did in her, as well, as in my other 4, and for 90% of the population, and practically all members on here.

    Sitting still for long periods of pure study (more than an hour) for almost anyone is a ridiculous expectation of oneself. I recall a 3 hour uniiversity class I had where the whole student body just got up and left for a break at 1.5 hours. Almost all professors had the good sense to call a break time, but this one prof (he was Indian, coincidentally) figured since he could stand and teach straight through for 3 hours, we should be able to sit and listen with concentration for 3 hours. No chance.

    So here are some practical ideas:

    1. Use the run walk run method of exercise (joggers) . Work 20 minutes, take ten off, work 20 take 10 off, or something like that.
    2. Have a glass of water, or some light snack handy to give yourself small breaks that you are not really aware of yourself even doing.
    3. Vary the study place. (Many people advise this to be a consistent place, but personally I disagree.) If you have a chunk of reading to do, go to a park, a different room in the house, over to a friend's place, climb a tree, lie down, sit on the floor etc. Just vary it. You don't want that one place (the usual recommendation) to bring out that, "Oh, ****, I have to go sit there and study again."
    4. Listen to yourself, not others. Just because one routine worked for Mom or Dad doesn't mean it'll work for you.
    5. After high school, take a year off before college to learn some real life. Your parents will be against this, but almost all psychological rersearch in the west at least supports this. You already are finding a dislike for studying, and you're saying, "You mean I have to do this for 4 (or more) more years?" Travel. Find a buddy and pilgrimage to Rameshwaram by train. Go see India. Take a long break. Find a simple job. Then when you return after a year, you might really feel like studying.
    6. Pray to Ganesha, the Lord of obstacles for singular clarity on the your personal path.


    Hope these ideas are of some use.

    Aum Namasivaya

  4. #4
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    Re: Teenage Problem

    Dear Eriko,

    EM has given a good advice, however, I will add something here from my side considering the Indian environment. The pressure is just too much in our country at your stage. It was not in my time but today it is really bad. My suggestions are :

    1. All habits are acquired & cultivated by you either in this birth or in your past birth. It is you who developed it & it is you who can erase it. If you think you are more restless than normal, it is because you yourself developed this habit sometime in the past. And please remember that you must get rid of it by your own efforts otherwise it would only increase & not decrease on its own .... neither in this life nor in lives to come.

    Why are we restless ? This is because of some hidden fear, excitement, finding new things which can give happiness. If fear is not the reason, it is because you are seeking happiness in one thing or the other ... getting bored once you get it ... again start looking for the elusive happiness. Reality is that for happiness you simply have to learn to be happy & content in all types of situation whether you have anything or not.

    2. You must get rid of all your fear first. Leave everything to God & pray to him that everything goes well but be ready to accept whatever comes along.

    3. There is another thing related to stress & that is getting attached to result. The more you get attached to it, the more stress you develop & less likely you are able to perform to your full potential. Remember, Bhagwad Gita .... You have only Karma (action) in your hands & not the result. Now, the karma & result are bound by Laws of Action in this universe, so there is no need to worry about result anyway. Once you are able to take your attention off the result/outcome you may concentrate on your action properly.

    4. Take one step at a time & at your pace. Don't try to rush especially in science subjects .... it takes time to understand the basics correctly.

    5. Don't copy how others read or do. You must set a routine that suits your capability & your expectations. It is better to divide the total reading time ast home in two parts ... i.e. in the morning & in the evening instead of trying to read long hours at night. This allows adequate rest between reading hours. Normally morning time is the best when your mind is least cluttered.

    6. Whatever routine you decide, please stick to that. Some time must be kept sacrosanct for study.

    7. Don't run after music, films, TV serials, gossiping, blogging for happiness. You can't be happy like this. For being happy nothing really is required. Find that happiness within yourself which is unchanging because it is not dependent on anything. Moreover, a success in your career can only give you lasting happiness. You will always have time to listen to music & watching films later on but you won't get time to study again. How to cut yourself off it ? That is pretty easy. Cut off the attachment within your mind to get rid of all disturbances & attractions. I have done it for many of my habits just like that & you too can do it once you have unfailing faith in yourself that nothing can disturb you unless you allow it to do it. It can be done in just one stroke. It is that easy.

    8. Have more interaction with those friends who are good at studies. We are not aware but we always exchange our energies whenever we interact with others. The more you interact with weak minded people the more weakness you would gather & vice versa.

    9. Don’t try to do the best. Always try to do your best. If you can do 80 % of problems in exam because you don’t know that answers of remaining 20 %, try to do the 80 % correctly. If you get any marks from remaining 20 %, that is bonus.

    10. Never doubt your potential. This is more often said that believed. But it is the Truth. You are what your thoughts are. Always have thoughts aligned with your goal & not against your goal.

    11. You must increase your will power to make things happen the way you want. The will power is increased by ALWAYS doing what you consciously think is good for you & NEVER doing what you consciously think that you should not.

    12. Never compromise on your health, sleeping time & your food. Exams or no exams … these things must not get disturbed. You must keep your body & mind fit to work hard towards your goal

    I myself have tried all these when I was an student ... it worked for me. It should work for your too.

    Best wishes ....

    OM
    "Om Namo Bhagvate Vaasudevaye"

  5. #5

    Re: Teenage Problem

    ericko,

    You think that "Time" will pass you by ---if you don't participate the group-think in the present.

    You think that "The Time-of-your-life" is NOW.

    You think that if I painfully perform 'Obligations' now ---You will be alone later when the party is over.

    This is the 'Frog-in-the-well' mentality. The Frog-in-the-well thinks that his small well is the whole world.

    99% of school Graduates never ever encounter old school mates.

    Disciplines now rewards later.

    Every person known for their fame ---arose from obscurity where they "practiced-practiced-practiced".

    The street thug foresakes timely obligations in exchange to be a bonefide & accredited 'lay-about'.

    Beautiful & wealthy & intelligent & reknown persons always had a background of study that later is also capatalised on without much regard for those bygone days of dedicated study.

    "God is in the Details" ---every minute detail must be appreciated ---lest your purpose in life will be reduced to a small detail only.

  6. #6
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    Re: Teenage Problem

    Quote Originally Posted by sm78 View Post
    don't worry.
    Namaste Eriko,

    I agree with EM and Devotee but, IMO, the above is the best advice.

    There are only two ways for us. One is the path of Jnana wherein one enquires "Who is restless?". This path is not available to most because mind is really turbulent. Only after attaining some tranquility can a jiva bring back the mind.
    The second is to leave everything to God.
    --------------------

    There are times of tranquility indicated by certain graha (planetary) situations and Dasha system, followed by a period of restlessness indicated by another combination. Transits and dasha combinations are really indicators of how a jiva will be bound (graha means that which binds). During an adverse dasha period the adverse karma fructifies. The effects pertain to mind and body and not to the Self, yet we all are bound to body-mind. Only Yogis situated as stitha pragnya and Jnanis are not perturbed.

    So, do not worry and leave everything to God with faithful prayers. Know the restlessness as quality of time which fructifies certain karma. Quality of time changes. Persevere in your devotion as best as you can.

    Om Namah Shivaya
    Last edited by atanu; 05 October 2009 at 12:25 PM. Reason: spelling
    That which is without letters (parts) is the Fourth, beyond apprehension through ordinary means, the cessation of the phenomenal world, the auspicious and the non-dual. Thus Om is certainly the Self. He who knows thus enters the Self by the Self.

  7. #7
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    Re: Teenage Problem

    hariḥ oṁ
    ~~~~~

    Namasté

    Quote Originally Posted by eriko View Post
    Actually I want to become a novelist when I grow up.
    A wise man told me this ' look at your goals, look at your behavior (actions). Does your behavior ( actions ) match your goals ? '

    That is all he said regarding pursuing one's goals or intentions.

    praām
    यतसà¥à¤¤à¥à¤µà¤‚ शिवसमोऽसि
    yatastvaṠśivasamo'si
    because you are identical with śiva

    _

  8. #8
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    Re: Teenage Problem

    Namaste again Eriko: Hopefully you gleaned something valuable from all this. I'd be keen as to what Star or Sunyata would say as they are both of your gender and somewhat closer to your age. Please do give us all feedback as to whether we were of any help at all or did we just parrot what your parents already say?

    Aum Namasivaya

  9. #9

    Re: Teenage Problem

    Quote Originally Posted by Eastern Mind View Post
    6. Pray to Ganesha, the Lord of obstacles for singular clarity on the your personal path.
    or also pray to Sarasvati and let her guide your consciousness, right? They are both wisdom deities, right?

  10. #10
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    Re: Teenage Problem

    Quote Originally Posted by DavidC View Post
    or also pray to Sarasvati and let her guide your consciousness, right? They are both wisdom deities, right?
    Well, sort of, especially Saraswati. But the reality and the various qualities of deities would totally depend on who you ask. Since this is off topic, might I suggest a new thread if you're interested in it.

    Aum Namasivaya

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