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Thread: Nice, clean humour

  1. #1
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    Nice, clean humour

    Jaitabh Sharma writes in the 'Clean Humour' Orkut community:

    1. Go to Google

    2- Type in the word "Failure"

    3- Instead of clicking "Google Search," click "I'm Feeling Lucky."

    4- Laugh uproariously

    5- Spread the word before the people at Google "fix" it.

  2. #2
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    Re: Nice, clean humour

    Ironically, the word 'failure' is not to be found on the page that shows up! Google search engine is smart in that it is looking for the meaning behind the word and not just doing a literal search!
    satay

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    Re: Nice, clean humour

    Not smart - hardcoded deliberately perhaps?

    But the verdict is perfect.
    Guard your Dharma, Burn the Myth, Promote the Truth, Crush the superstition.

  4. #4

    Talking Re: Nice, clean humour

    haha, and they've had it setup to go to that page for a long time now. Someone showed me that like a year ago.

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    Re: Nice, clean humour

    An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world.

    So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to china. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call".

    The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

    Next stop was in Japan. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it.

    He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in china and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. "O.K., thank you," said the American.

    He then traveled to Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Russia, Germany and France.

    In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it. The American returned to America, and upon leaving Vermont sometime later decided to travel to up to India to see if Indians had the same phone.

    He arrived in India, and again, in the first temple he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "One Rupee per call."

    The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
    "Pandit, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in the US the price was $10,000 per call.

    Why is it so cheap here?"
    The Pandit smiled and answered, "You're in India now, son - it's a local call".



    (Thanks to Dev Maharaj ...)


    ZN
    yaireva patanaM dravyaiH siddhistaireva choditA .
    shrI kauladarshane chApi bhairaveNa mahAtmanA .

    It is revealed in the sacred doctrine of Kula and by the great Bhairava, that the perfection is achieved by that very means by which fall occurs.

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    Re: Nice, clean humour

    Quote Originally Posted by Znanna View Post
    An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world.

    So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to china. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per call".

    The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

    Next stop was in Japan. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under it.

    He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in china and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God. "O.K., thank you," said the American.

    He then traveled to Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Russia, Germany and France.

    In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it. The American returned to America, and upon leaving Vermont sometime later decided to travel to up to India to see if Indians had the same phone.

    He arrived in India, and again, in the first temple he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "One Rupee per call."

    The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
    "Pandit, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in the US the price was $10,000 per call.

    Why is it so cheap here?"
    The Pandit smiled and answered, "You're in India now, son - it's a local call".



    (Thanks to Dev Maharaj ...)


    ZN

    This is very good...hadn't heard this before...
    satay

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    Re: Nice, clean humour

    A very nice joke, Znanna--an enlightening one at that!

    I think we can share such clean, 'spiritual' jokes to take time off our intensive discussions. Here are some jokes and pithy quotes from the Website http://www.swamij.com:

    1. Three Yogis are doing meditative in a remote cave. One day a sound is heard from outside the cave. After about six months, one of the yogis says, "Did you hear that goat?" Once again, there was silence. About a year later, one of the other Yogis says, "That wasn't a goat; it was a mule." Again, there was silence. About two years later the third yogi says, "If you two don't stop arguing, I'm leaving."

    2. Lily Tomlin: "Why is it when we talk to God, we're said to be praying, but when God talks to us, we're schizophrenic?"

    3. A temple for atheists is a non-prophet organization.

    4. If you believe in telekinesis, please raise my hand.

    5. Graffiti on a wall: God is dead! (Signed Friedrich Nietzsche)
    Graffiti below that: Friedrich Nietzsche is dead! (Signed God)

    6. When two psychic friends met, one said:
    "You are fine. How am I ?"

    7. Emily Dickenson: "They say that God is everywhere, and yet we always think of Him as somewhat of a recluse."

    8. Bumper sticker: I considered being atheist, but there weren't enough holidays.

    9. Elbert Hubbard: "We are punished by our sins, not for them."

    10. A group of bats, hanging from the ceiling of a cave, discover a single bat STANDING upright below them on the floor of the cave. Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask, "What's wrong with you? What are you doing down there?" The standing bat answers, "Yoga!"

    11. Garth Brooks: "Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers."

    12. My karma ran over my dogma....

    13. Bob Hope: "I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality."

    14. Time is the best teacher, although it kills the students

    15. This fellow was climbing a tree when suddenly he slipped. He grabbed a branch and was hanging there. After an hour or so passed, he was feeling exhausted. He looked up to the heavens and cried out: "God, help me, please, help me."

    Suddenly the clouds parted and a deep voice resounded, "Let Go!"
    The guy paused and looked up at heaven once more, and said: "Is there anyone else up there?"

    16. A student went to his meditation teacher and said, "My meditation is horrible! I feel so distracted, or my legs ache, or I'm constantly falling asleep. It's just horrible!"

    "It will pass," the teacher said matter-of-factly.

    A week later, the student came back to his teacher. "My meditation is wonderful! I feel so aware, so peaceful, so alive! It's just wonderful!"

    "It will pass," the teacher replied matter-of-factly.

    17. Albert Einstein: "Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish."

    18. Don't just do something -- Sit there!

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    Re: Nice, clean humour

    Haha! I can't believe that google search!

  9. #9
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    Re: Nice, clean humour

    This is about the ubiquitous world cop George Bush:

    George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war.

    After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is. "Bob".

    "And what is your question, Bob?"

    "I have 3 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
    Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
    And third, what happened to Osama Bin Laden?

    Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

    When they resume George says, "OK, where were we? Oh that's right --- question time. Who has a question?"

    A different little boy puts up his hand . George points him out and asks him what his name is. "Steve" "And what is your question, Steve?"

    "I have 5 questions.
    First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
    Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes?
    Third, what happened to Osama Bin Laden?
    Fourth, why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?
    And fifth, where is "Bob?"

  10. #10
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    Re: Nice, clean humour

    Arranged vs Love Marriage: a Culture Shock

    Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.

    The Indian man said to the American,"You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once.

    We call this arranged marriage.I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love...I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."

    The American said, " Talking about love marriages?... I'll tell you my story.

    I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years.

    "After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

    My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.

    More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. My brother is my grandson.

    Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.

    And you say you have family problems.. ? !

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