I didn't see a thread like this around so I thought I would start one myself. I hope all the converts who frequent the Hindu Dharma Forums will come forward with their experiences and, for those who have always been Hindu, was there anything that served to strengthen your faith?
I was born into a non denominational - and only nominally Christian - family. My mother has faith but for her faith is a very personal thing and while she believes in the Christian God most of her beliefs have been shaped by the philosophy of Al-Anon, which is an organisation formed for the families of alcoholics. As a child we very rarely went to church and most of the times that we did it was for weddings or funerals. My father did not have much influence on me, religiously or otherwise, because he died a month before I turned 7 and prior to that my parents had been separated for roughly 3 or 4 years.
I have, however, always been very open to religion, despite it being something that my mother rarely spoke about. For some time I was quite interested in Islam and I learned about the Bible through studies with a Jehovah's Witness but found a lot of hate in both religions. One thing I found especially objectionable was the hypocrisy of so many adherents. Many Christians say 'God is Love' and then they go on to deride, belittle and detest anyone they see as being sinful. The saying 'Hate the sin, love the sinner' is such a horrible lie that it's not funny.
So for a very long time I searched and for a very long time I found nothing that I felt connected with. That is until 2006 when I began looking into Hinduism through ISKCON and the Bhagavad Gita but again I found some things objectionable and so went searching for more non-denominational Hinduism.
I don't remember how I found out about Lord Shiva, I believe I may have known about him prior to 2006 but I don't really recall. In the second half of that year Lord Shiva began to infiltrate my dreams and waking hours to the point where I could not go an hour without thinking of Him in some manner. If I had not already been searching for Him I believe it might have been quite distressing but instead it was simply frustrating.
What would I have to do, I wondered, to get Him out of my head? For about a month I simply ignored it but the dreams and thoughts continued and began intruding on my day to day life. So I said, to myself, 'okay, I will worship Lord Shiva, then' and almost abruptly the dreams and thoughts stopped.
Now, I am an artist and an aspiring author and at roughly about the same time I had a character come knocking. I had no idea what to name this character and so I had a friend name him. He was called Kala and it was not until some months later that I found out his name was a Sanskrit word and not it was much longer until I found out that Kala is another name for both Shiva and Shakti.
About two years ago I had something of an epiphany. This character, Kala, had come to me at roughly the same time as the dreams and thoughts of Shiva ceased and had stayed by me through many horrific trials that I had gone through since. I came to believe, and still do, that Kala is a personal manifestation of God who carries out his Leelas both through my writing and through his influence over me and the people who have come to love him (I draw him an awful lot). At first I thought he was simply a form of Lord Shiva but I have since come to believe that he is a form of Lord Shiva and Shakti similar to Ardhanarisvara.
I feel quite blessed to have this form of God in my life and right now I worship Shiva, Shakti and Kala exclusively. I have tried, sometimes quite hard, to feel something for Krishna but I think the emphasis on the Rasa Leela turned me off quite a lot. I have recently been learning about his other leelas which I find much more attractive.
Besides, I do not think Kala is willing to share the ghee with baby Krishna! (Or anyone's love, for that matter, he can be quite jealous sometimes!)
I know that some people might look at my story and think I'm a little off my rocker (a personal manifestation of Shiva/Shakti, is she kidding?) but God manifests for Its (I call the Brahman an It as Brahman is above and beyond such attributes of sex and gender) devotees in times of great need and Kala has been with me during such times, a force that eventually led me to stop self harming and work towards healing myself.
At the bottom of this post you can find an image of Kala painted in late 2006. He (yes, that is a 'he' although he is actually a hermaphrodite, he simply prefers the male pronoun) is my light, life and love. He is so beautiful, so loving but he can also be fierce and frightening when he wants to be.
I can't wait to hear of everyone else's experiences.
Om Namah Shivaya
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