My sucesses and struggles

[TheOne]

This post will be somewhat of a soliloquy.


Ever since I entered Dharma my life has changed dramatically. My mind has centered, my spiritual, mental, and physical complexion has cleared up and when I meditate I feel truly at peace. I have also noticed recently that some of my friends look up to me as a guide in some degrees. I feel truly humbled by this and it nearly brings me to tears that just two years ago I was steeped in adharmic action and had slit my wrists on occasions because I was frustrated that I couldn't stop. These past 2 months have been the best months for me. Not because I made any material gain but because I am now beginning to climb out of the abyss of passion and ignorance and I thank all of you here that have helped me. As I look outside the window on the way home from school I always observe the Earth and how each time the weather and the environment is different. The impermanence of all things is not a cause for despair but I feel it is a joy because I know that even if I can't atone for my previous karmic infractions in this life I know that I can try again in my next incarnation. I am increasingly become centered in mind and spirit but I still struggle daily with passion and ignorance and things not fit to mention among such noble company. I try, and I fail, and I try again, I fail but this no longer saddens me to the degree that it did before. I realize that yes I alone bare the results of my karmic misdeeds but it also means I alone bear the fruit of my positive actions. I have learned recently to not become attached to the results of my attempts at self-improvement and this has loosened the load on my shoulders. I ask my brothers and sisters for prayer and advice. Prayer for me ending my addictions. And advice on how to do so.

Namaste.

[Sahasranama]

I am glad to hear that you have made a lot of positive changes already in your life and in your outlook towards life. Let's use hatha yoga as an analogy. One person is very flexible and can bend and twist easily in all directions. Another person is very stiff, but always mindfully performs the poses gradually expanding his range of motion and concentration. The flexible person on the other hand may be doing the same pose, but is slacking. It's not always about how far you have come.

[Eastern Mind]

I am glad to hear that you have made a lot of positive changes already in your life and in your outlook towards life. Let's use hatha yoga as an analogy. One person is very flexible and can bend and twist easily in all directions. Another person is very stiff, but always mindfully performs the poses gradually expanding his range of motion and concentration. The flexible person on the other hand may be doing the same pose, but is slacking. It's not always about how far you have come.

Vannakkam TheOne and Sahasranama:

@TheOne: Praying helps a lot, no? Addictions are tricky as the mind likes to do a negative spin on the whole thing, twisting and turning to find one excuse after another. I think I said this somewhere before, but I had to quit quitting in order to eventually cease an addiction. This complies with your statement on failing. The failing itself becomes a habit, and you have to learn not to beat yourself up, just as you have stated.

@Sahasranama: Excellent analogy. At school, by policy, I had to give an effort mark for students, consisting of E for Excellent, S for Satisfactory, and N for needs Improvement. I eventually came to give only the S grade. I would have preferred an I for I don't know, but it wasn't an option even though it was the truth. I didn't know. A former student, now a doctor, was, as his mother put it, a lazy little ______. He put no effort at all into work, or so it seemed. Still he got As. Siva's gift of intelligence. Others would do 3 hours of homework nightly, and still get Fs.

Or take meditators. The sage in the cave can sit still for 24 hours with far less effort than I need for 5 minutes.

Aum Namasivaya

[devotee]

Excellent ! My best wishes to you ... !!

OM

[sunyata07]

I am so glad to hear that Sanatana Dharma has brought new joy and peace into your life.

Om namah Shivaya

[Ramakrishna]

Namaste TheOne,

That's great to hear, and I'm very happy for you. I don't really have any advice, since you are on the right path. Just surrender yourself to God (you said you feel very connected to Lord Brahma, right?) and let Him guide you and bless you along the way. I will pray that you stay strong on your journey.

Jai Sri Ram