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Thread: Forgiveness of others?

  1. #1
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    Forgiveness of others?

    Namaste all.

    I will probably find my answer in the Gītā, but I thought I'd ask anyway.

    I won't go into details, but I feel I've been wronged by 2 family members. Yes, it's my ego that's bruised. I can forgive one of them because she is old and "losing it". She has Parkinson's among other ailments. The other person, however, I am finding it extremely hard to forgive her this time. This is just one of countless times she's taken advantage of, and wronged me.

    Do I let her karma take its course, and just let it go? I don't wish her evil, rather, I want nothing to do with her. I don't know that I can ever forgive her in the usual sense of forgiveness. What do I have to do?
    śivasya hridayam viṣṇur viṣṇoscha hridayam śivaḥ

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    Re: Forgiveness of others?

    When dealing with one whom is mentally ill and has the potential to harm you...as you have a history and know they will...what can you do but remove yourself from their view?

    Just as if I go to a creek and step inside and get my toe bit by the copper head...who has treaded upon who's territory?

    In fact, if you know your interaction with another will only bring them pain and harm because you unsettled their fragile existence. It is probably wiser to leave them in peace. Stay at a safe distance...for both of your sakes.

    My oldest sister is suffering from lifelong narcism and she is very dellusional. Anything you say or do, she may claim it happened to her...her reality is extremely warped. Even in childhood she brutally abused us so badly, even extorted my own mother...

    Many years I defend my family, fight her...this only make her suicidal and angry. By removing myself from her, and no longer trying to make her adhere to this reality...I no longer harm her...and I am also no longer harmed. I do so out of so much love, and if she were ever in trouble I would be there to send money or bring food to her home. I have done this many times already over our lifetime. But, from this distance the snake no longer bites me...and we both live out our lives in peace.

    a hug to you, as I know how difficult it is to struggle with right action when involving the ones we love.<3

    Oh and I just want to say, what a blessing this decision was to me and my family. No longer having constant upsetting bad things happening...and I am sure it was also a blessing to her to no longer have to face the truths of our past. It's made things so wonderful now for everyone concerned!

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    Re: Forgiveness of others?

    One of the persons I mentioned is like your sister... delusional, and it's always someone else's fault.

    I think my sin would be to not let go of it, let it poison my mind and distract me from what's important. That is, let my ego get in the way of focusing on God and doing what's right.

    This person is responsible for her own actions.

    Thank you. This makes sense.
    śivasya hridayam viṣṇur viṣṇoscha hridayam śivaḥ

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    Re: Forgiveness of others?

    Vannakkam Minotaur: I can't add much to Nayasurya's advice, other than to remember Siva is all and in all. Those people who trouble you the most are also Siva. Souls on the path to moksha, just like you and I.

    We once were friends with people who, because of our niceness, constantly took advantage of it. Once I stood up and had an amicable friendship divorce, as I liked to see it, things got much better.

    There is a lot of truth to 'time heals all wounds', and 'know when to fold 'em.' But my heart goes out to you, as in the moments of emotion, it isn't some philosophical obscure stance any more, its very real and in your face.

    Best wishes on it.

    Aum Namasivaya

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    Re: Forgiveness of others?

    Pranam Minotaur

    i am sure you will find your answer in the Gita, as Krishna says it is the desires and hate that binds us.
    Naya as always come up trumps.

    they say to err is human but to forgive is divine.

    easy said then done, we are all paying our dues, some where along the line we must have cause them the hurt. There is a lesson to learn from even a bad situation.

    Jai Shree Krishna
    Rig Veda list only 33 devas, they are all propitiated, worthy off our worship, all other names of gods are derivative from this 33 originals,
    Bhagvat Gita; Shree Krishna says Chapter 3.11 devan bhavayatanena te deva bhavayantu vah parasparam bhavayantah sreyah param avapsyatha Chapter 17.4 yajante sattvika devan yaksa-raksamsi rajasah pretan bhuta-ganams canye yajante tamasa janah
    The world disappears in him. He is the peaceful, the good, the one without a second.

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    Re: Forgiveness of others?

    Namaste friends. And thanks.

    Quote Originally Posted by Eastern Mind View Post
    Vannakkam Minotaur: I can't add much to Nayasurya's advice, other than to remember Siva is all and in all. Those people who trouble you the most are also Siva. Souls on the path to moksha, just like you and I. ...

    Best wishes on it.

    Aum Namasivaya
    My new policy is to try to remember that. That God is in all and all is in God, even the most detestable (in one's own opinion) person. I know, it's the "hate the sin, love the sinner" deal. It's true though. When you see that God pervades all, you realize it's not that the person is bad... they cannot be bad if God is in them and they are in God. It's just that they choose to do bad things. Of course, people like Hitler really put that to the test.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ganeshprasad View Post
    Pranam Minotaur

    i am sure you will find your answer in the Gita, as Krishna says it is the desires and hate that binds us.
    Naya as always come up trumps.
    I have to read the Gita fully. I've only read parts.

    they say to err is human but to forgive is divine.

    easy said then done, we are all paying our dues, some where along the line we must have cause them the hurt. There is a lesson to learn from even a bad situation.

    Jai Shree Krishna
    True. I think I'm seeing lessons. One lesson I see is to let go of anger because of ego. I think avoidance of the things that anger you are the same as avoiding any other temptation, and controlling the emotions and desire to punch someone square in the face!

    Seriously, we can't change others so we have to change ourselves. And forgiveness doesn't mean we have to be a doormat.
    śivasya hridayam viṣṇur viṣṇoscha hridayam śivaḥ

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    Re: Forgiveness of others?

    We are only let down when we expect something from someone. We've come to expect a lot from others and forgive ourselves regarding the tiniest of things, when in fact it should be the reverse.

    I've been severely hurt emotionally some years ago, it was a tough time dealing with this mentally. What I learned is that you want to leave the mind some space, look at it just as you look at the gross body, if it's injured, give it some breathing space, let it heal naturally, unpleasant sensations and reactions (pain, blood and pus, in the case of the gross body) can't be fought, they are a natural processes.

    The tricky part is letting things as (deep) anger, frustration and other unpleasant (and dark, don't deny your shadow) feelings to manifest and just be aware of them, understand them, always keep in mind that deep down you are not this, the solutions to big problems in life are never external, they usually consist of a deep process of self-discovery and the emergence of a new way to look at life.

    And just look at it this way, people may have all kinds of attitudes, and we only judge a handful of them as bad, anything that affects us the most tells more about our own selves than the person in question.

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    Re: Forgiveness of others?

    Quote Originally Posted by Pietro Impagliazzo View Post
    We are only let down when we expect something from someone.
    Vannakkam Pietro: Excellent wisdom. I remember twice how 'Lower your expectations' worked in my life. One setting was at school dealing with students. Whatever problem they had, ADHD, slower processing, ODD and on and on, keeping that in mind always helped. It leads to individualised learning programs and more work, but in the end, the decreased stress was well worth it. Just dealing with young souls. I'm convinced its a human tendency to think everyone thinks the way we do, whether it falsely brings someone up to your level, or down to your level.

    Another time was actually from my Guru, on an interpersonal thing. He just looked at me, and said, "Don't expect much." It made things a ton easier, especially coming from Him, as I knew He knew a lot more than I did about what the other person was actually capable of.

    Aum Namasivaya

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    Re: Forgiveness of others?

    Namaste my new friends, and thank you.

    It seems I keep having these things happen to me. Something happened again last night that is causing me a lot of anguish and moderate anger. The anger is far less than the anguish and anxiety over it. What happened didn't need to happen. It was something I was told would never happen again, yet it did. Yes, I was lied to by someone I should be able to trust implicitly.

    I think I'm going to have to accept these things as part of my karma from past lives. Otherwise at some point the stress is going to kill me. It's already taking a toll on my physical health and mental well-being. I always say I didn''t get these gray hairs from laughing.
    śivasya hridayam viṣṇur viṣṇoscha hridayam śivaḥ

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    Re: Forgiveness of others?

    hari o
    ~~~~~~

    namast

    Quote Originally Posted by Minotaur View Post
    I was lied to by someone I should be able to trust implicitly.
    Perhaps a lesson is being offered?

    Love all, trust only few... svāmī śivānaṇda

    praām


    यतस्त्वं शिवसमोऽसि
    yatastvaṁ śivasamo'si
    because you are identical with śiva

    _

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