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Thread: When you don't feel worthy to offer

  1. #1
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    When you don't feel worthy to offer

    Namaste all.

    Last night I lost my temper over something I should not have. I could have handled the situation differently. Rather, I chose to get angry. After that I refused to do my evening prayers and offerings because I was in such a state of anger. It would have been disrespectful and irreverent, imo.

    After I was thoroughly calmed down, I did my prayers, lit my lamp, offered incense and did japa at the altar. I felt much more peaceful, and even forgiven.

    Has this ever happened to any of you? Have you ever been in a state or condition where you felt it would be "sacreligious" to attend temple, perform puja, say prayers or japa or otherwise worship?

    I did not like the feeling at all, and I hope it never happens again.
    śivasya hridayam viṣṇur viṣṇoscha hridayam śivaḥ

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    Re: When you don't feel worthy to offer

    Yes, I have gone through such situations a lot of times. I wasn't even thinking about god out of shame for many days. But then after a while I used to demand forgiveness.

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    Re: When you don't feel worthy to offer

    Yes, shame is the word! Though I did my morning ritual with love. I'm listening to my collection of bhajans, and am feeling more uplifted, though I'm still somewhat ashamed of myself.

    Thank you.
    śivasya hridayam viṣṇur viṣṇoscha hridayam śivaḥ

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    Re: When you don't feel worthy to offer

    Yes. And I forgot to add, If possible I will do my best to repair the damage. Like for example, once I scolded my sister badly for a petty reason. Then I repented and bought her some chocolates and a new gadget(although I don't approve of kids using gadgets excessively) to make her happy. I still couldn't apologize for the fault though. I am also glad that she forgets those things and moves on with same respect to me.

  5. #5

    Re: When you don't feel worthy to offer

    Namasté Minotaur

    Is there any way that you can make this event in to a positive one by learning from it?

    I find analysing the causes of such flare ups to be most calming in future situations. It makes us more aware of our own capacity's and weaknesses.

    Was this Rajas at work?

    Were you in a Satvic state when Tamas showed its self all but briefly to bring on Rajas?

    Was this solely Tamas?

    All good learning experience to meditate on.


    Om Shanti

  6. #6
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    Re: When you don't feel worthy to offer

    Namast, all.

    Minotaur, I used to feel unworthy to offer or do puja unless everything was just perfect - not only my mental and emotional state, but everything around me and in my home. If laundry or dishes needed washing, for instance, I felt like my house wasn't good enough.

    But, if it helps at all - I learned to laugh at it.

    We're so much in love with our Devas that we obsess over giving them flawless devotion, but we shouldn't forget that worship is for us too. Don't you want to help a friend in need, give a shoulder to someone who's crying? Don't our loved ones, no matter how much higher above us, want to do the same?

    Shame over time leads to low self-esteem, and people who hate themselves tend to get angry with others more frequently because there's a big hole in their hearts that they wait for others to fill. So, even though it's motivated by good intentions (a desire to do better and be a better person), shame actually can take you further from God. It has a place only when you think yourself "worthy" or "unworthy" based on your successes. But God doesn't see us that way, I think, and as a teacher of mine recently wrote, "Purity is not a boolean variable (0 or 1); it is a continuum."

    Shame is also a little funny and ridiculous when you think about it. Isn't God everywhere, at all times? Did your beloved Krishna somehow miss you getting angry at the time it happened? So there's no point in hiding from his worship when you're ashamed; it's better to go say hello instead. Set a ghee lamp alight. Let it burn away your anger and then look at the beautiful light that's created when you have the courage to look anger straight in the face. Better to pray when you're happy and when you're upset, to suffuse your life with His grace no matter what state you're in.

    SOV and Mana both make good points. Such experiences can prove fertile grounds for meditation, to teach you about yourself and help improve in the future, so in that sense, incidences of anger can be lessons instead of failures. It's also great to help mitigate the damage, if it's possible to do so, and that can teach you humility and understanding. I would not enter a temple in a negative state, no, so as to avoid carrying my bad energy with me to other devotees, and I might not tackle a ritualistic worship such as puja because I tend to forget items and/or details when I'm upset. But prayer and meditation are more needed in times of strain than ever.

    Indraneela
    ===
    Oṁ Indrāya Namaḥ.
    Oṁ Namaḥ Śivāya.

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    Re: When you don't feel worthy to offer

    Namaste SOV, and thanks.

    Quote Originally Posted by SOV View Post
    Yes. And I forgot to add, If possible I will do my best to repair the damage. Like for example, once I scolded my sister badly for a petty reason. Then I repented and bought her some chocolates and a new gadget
    Ooh, please yell at me then apologize so I can get chocolate!

    Quote Originally Posted by Mana View Post
    Namast Minotaur

    Is there any way that you can make this event in to a positive one by learning from it?
    I always "learn" afterwards, but they happen from time to time. I'll tell you why, though I'm reluctant to reveal much about myself. Not that anyone would use it against me.

    See, I have bipolar 2 disorder. I don't have the high manias of type 1, but I'm prone to anger and then deep depression. I'm what's called hypomanic/depressive (depressive, not depressing, I'm actually pretty funny irl ). I'm on medication, but the nature of the beast is that it flares up mostly when I'm tired and my guard is down..

    Was this Rajas at work?
    OK, I had to look that up.

    Rajas:
    rajas, is responsible for motion, energy and preservation.
    There was definitely an energy at work, like the electrical energy build-up before a lightning strike.

    Were you in a Satvic state when Tamas showed its self all but briefly to bring on Rajas?

    Was this solely Tamas?

    All good learning experience to meditate on.


    Om Shanti
    I was definitely not sattvic. I think it was the drive home (a 50 minute commute), and stops at several stores, in the heat that laid the basis for me going tamasic. It was definitely tamas, if that refers to negativity and indifference.

    I sat for a while, quietly doing something, just "fidoodling" as I call it. Actually I made a hanging lamp for my image of Sri Radha-Krishna (the one I showed in another post). It began my focus on the Lord. The lamp is quite pretty. I can use a tealight candle or a traditional diya in it. It made me feel good to do that.
    śivasya hridayam viṣṇur viṣṇoscha hridayam śivaḥ

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    Re: When you don't feel worthy to offer

    Quote Originally Posted by Indraneela View Post
    Namast, all.

    Minotaur, I used to feel unworthy to offer or do puja unless everything was just perfect - not only my mental and emotional state, but everything around me and in my home. If laundry or dishes needed washing, for instance, I felt like my house wasn't good enough.
    Oh, tell me about it! I'm the worst. It's part of being obsessive-compusive, in my case. Before I even touch an idol to straighten up or clean the altar I wash my hands. If I am playing with the cat and dogs evven just petting them, hands get washed. The irony is that Lord Krishna loves animals. And if I don't feel bodily clean enough, it's into the shower I go, or at least a good washing of my face, hands, arms and um... well...

    We're so much in love with our Devas that we obsess over giving them flawless devotion, but we shouldn't forget that worship is for us too. Don't you want to help a friend in need, give a shoulder to someone who's crying? Don't our loved ones, no matter how much higher above us, want to do the same?


    Yep, that's why as I think on the Lord and listen to my bhajans and mantras (what would we do without Youtube and iTunes? ) I feel uplifted, having received compassion.

    Did your beloved Krishna somehow miss you getting angry at the time it happened? So there's no point in hiding from his worship when you're ashamed; it's better to go say hello instead. Set a ghee lamp alight. Let it burn away your anger and then look at the beautiful light that's created when you have the courage to look anger straight in the face. Better to pray when you're happy and when you're upset, to suffuse your life with His grace no matter what state you're in.
    True, being that "all-or-nothing" guy I am (a project I am working on, to get rid of), I could have asked for His help instead of turning my back on Him.

    I would not enter a temple in a negative state, no, so as to avoid carrying my bad energy with me to other devotees, and I might not tackle a ritualistic worship such as puja because I tend to forget items and/or details when I'm upset. But prayer and meditation are more needed in times of strain than ever.


    Yep, I agree with all the foregoing.
    śivasya hridayam viṣṇur viṣṇoscha hridayam śivaḥ

  9. #9

    Re: When you don't feel worthy to offer

    Yes I know the Bi-Polar thing well, I was diagnosed Bi-polar 1 at 19. But I refused medication and skipped the country

    I feel your pain with it. It has taken me 15 years to unravel the Karma which provoked it, with several breakthroughs in just this last few years.

    I highly reccomend the yoga sutras for explanation of the Gunas.

    The emotional swings of Bi-polar are to my understanding and experience caused by the Gunas of this there is no doubt in my mind.

    As are many of the more esoteric passages better understood after experience of mania.


    Om Shanti.

  10. #10
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    Re: When you don't feel worthy to offer

    I've got to look into all this. I want to get off the medications, but it can't be done suddenly. I wonder if it's possible to experience prarabdha karma from kriyamana karma, you know "fast-acting karma". If so, I think this is one reason I am the way I am. I also think of other issues in my life that show me I was uncompassionate in these areas previously, as well as this issue.
    śivasya hridayam viṣṇur viṣṇoscha hridayam śivaḥ

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