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Thread: Losing My Faith

  1. Losing My Faith

    I had started out on the Hindu path very strong, taking in the studies, applying my learning and beliefs to my life, and really feel far happier and more peaceful with my life, but then it just all slipped away one bad day.

    One day I was having a very bad day, and I didn't blame it on anyone (so don't think I"m blaming the Gods for anything, I would never blame them), but having such a bad day, and then having a meltdown just caused me to lose my drive to perform japa/meditation that night (this meltdown was due to car and college/money stress). I went a few days not feelling like I had enough in me to perform japa/meditation and told myself I'd get back to it "tomorrow," but then I fell into one of my usual patterns.

    These patterns I talk about are when I start getting completely focused on one topic and one topic alone, not feeling like I'll do anything else but work on that topic.

    I couldn't break myself from focusing on that alone, and the feeling of not wanting to perform japa/meditation persisted, and I started to feel the pressure on me that I really should do it, that it's something that matters to me and it truly was helping me.

    Since that first meltdown several weeks ago I've only performed japa/meditation twice and have only looked at my studies briefly, if at all, and I hate that, but I don't know how to get my same drive back. I feel like I've betrayed the Gods, my faith, myself for falling back into a pattern that does nothing for me but confuse me, stress me out, and drive me insane.

    I look at the beloved images of Lord Ganesha and Lord Shiva and I wish I could do more for them, get my same drive back, but there is so much going on right now it's very difficult (I still have to figure out what I"m going to do about the money I need for college).

    I just wish I could feel the same joy, peace and happiness I felt when I started out. I wish I could feel the same success, and the same closeness with the Gods, especially Lord Ganesha (I feel like I may have betrayed him the most, even though I tell myself he understands and will still be there for me).

    Maybe once my mind isn't focused on such stressful things I'll be able to get back to what I actually liked to do. Compared to any other faith/path I've looked into, this one has fit me the best and I actually did something with it, I just wish I could get back into it.

    I just wish I didn't feel like I've betrayed them, become lazy, and lost my faith

  2. #2
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    Re: Losing My Faith

    Dear SR,

    A few rules, if followed will give you more freedom.

    1. Try not to get too obsessed with anything physical whether good or bad. Even obsession with japa (which is good normally) can cause heart burn if not performed one day.

    2. Do the activities as duties - as best as possible - honestly and devotedly when doing

    3. The mind will go through fluctuations because of internal and external causes. It is natural. Crying & laughing are stress relievers. Trying to suppress the emotions might lead to stress. Neither it is good to do japa or meditation during the high fluctuation stage.

    It is like during illness, doctors advise rest.

    4. Live life naturally as good you can. What you do good (selflessly) always gives you happiness and satisfaction. What you expect can, many of the times, give sorrow.

    Spirituality is not an ornament which can get lost. It is sprouting seed in your mind. You can never escape if you have tasted the fruit.

    Love and best wishes

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    Re: Losing My Faith

    Namaste Scarlet,
    In taking a look at your post, as a reader, you do not seem like you are losing your faith. Your words and Kallol's last line sums it up.
    Secondly, mine is just one view point and not most learned, but I think Kallol's points are what I would take to heart and to follow.
    These trying times are part of journey and think are opportunity for growth. Reaching out to the HDF community seems like a wise thing that you did.
    Take it easy on yourself.
    FFTW

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    Re: Losing My Faith

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarletRose View Post
    I feel like I've betrayed the Gods, my faith, myself for falling back into a pattern that does nothing for me but confuse me, stress me out, and drive me insane.

    I look at the beloved images of Lord Ganesha and Lord Shiva and I wish I could do more for them, get my same drive back, but there is so much going on right now it's very difficult (I still have to figure out what I"m going to do about the money I need for college).

    especially Lord Ganesha (I feel like I may have betrayed him the most, even though I tell myself he understands and will still be there for me).

    I just wish I didn't feel like I've betrayed them, become lazy, and lost my faith
    What!?! Thought crime is not allowed within Sanatana Dharma! You can only convert into it. We will not allow you to apostasize. If you DO, I will scream, "OFF WITH THE APOSTATE'S HEAD".

    No, seriously. Take it easy. SD says that we are all in different cycles of the reincarnation cycle. There is no reason a God that works for me should work for you or vice versa. Look around, figure out a purpose on your own and be happy. Thats important.

    Good luck.

  5. #5

    Re: Losing My Faith

    This is no big reason to worry. it keeps happening to me too even though am born into the path. i even blame God and fight with him but patch up later on he he.

    like others said dont get too attached to things including jaap cause it goes against the very nature of dharma..i.e forcing things on yourself.

    the path vacillates between devotion and disinterest.you will learn to live with it till you find your shore on either of the side.

    all the best

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    Re: Losing My Faith

    Quote Originally Posted by ScarletRose View Post
    I just wish I could feel the same joy, peace and happiness I felt when I started out. I wish I could feel the same success, and the same closeness with the Gods, especially Lord Ganesha (I feel like I may have betrayed him the most, even though I tell myself he understands and will still be there for me).
    Why do you need spirituality to make you feel good when you have food, drugs (various), sex, shopping and list goes on?

    If spirituality's aim is about ME and this ME feeling better, then the point is missed and it becomes just another way to satisfy egoistical needs.

    If we're troubled mentally, we should work the issues mentally. Just like when we break a bone we don't go to a psychologist, we need a physician and physical rest. The mental level of everyday problems lies below the level of spirituality, spirituality does not magically solve them, but the natural interest and sincerity in the spiritual path make us more and more prepared to deal with them.

    We may say I'm sad, I'm troubled, I'm this and I'm that. But what is this I? (As Yajvan often puts here in the forums) Is it what we truly are or perhaps just what we are temporarily doing in this world?

    And as EM usually advises, we shouldn't long for spirituality to be a constant influx of spiritual insight and ecstasy, we're only starters, it may happen once in a while and longing for it to take place again only makes our current condition worse, the best we can do is continue the process in the most sattvic manner, happy to be investing on a very important aspect of life that will bear many fruits.

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    Re: Losing My Faith

    Vannakkam SR: I believe this is from the Tirukkural but I'm not sure. It has stuck with me for a very long time. I may be misquoting but you will get the gist.
    "One of life's greater follies is to believe the temporal is permanent."

    It is temporal.
    This morning your post hit me like a brick. Last night I had the worst sleep in months. Bed at 9:30, lying awake until 12:30, then crazy nightmare style dreams, more tossing and turning. Up to the washroom around 2, and then awake again at 4. Now it's 6. I don't feel like doing sadhana or going landscaping at temple. I feel like I'm hungover.

    In earlier years it would have been much worse. Now I have a better handle on the quote.

    When I was about 35, I slowly withdrew from the heat of sadhana, and morphed into a workaholic. At age 44 I crashed ... 5 kids to feed, and the prospect of no income. This lasted 3 whole long terrifying years.

    Then the magician in my life returned, and I started up and over. That was 11 years ago.

    So it happens to all souls at some point in their evolution. Its a necessary step because of the valuable teaching that occurs during this time, and then your ability to dig out, be it this lifetime or the next.

    So hang in there, and know you're not alone.

    Best wishes.

    Aum Namasivaya

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    Re: Losing My Faith

    It's probably a rare person who hasn't felt something akin to this at some point. I feel it occasionally. http://www.hindudharmaforums.com/sho...8277#post68277 There are some more good answers and encouragements in that thread.
    śivasya hridayam viṣṇur viṣṇoscha hridayam śivaḥ

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    Re: Losing My Faith

    Faith isn't something that can be lost, it always has a way of finding you!

    Hari Om!

    First, thank-you for your post. There are many times when I could have easily related to your exact words. Haunting to sat the least.

    Perhaps from another perspective, it could be viewed that Lord Ganesha is giving you a generous gift. Yes, after you're done laughing out loud, stop and contemplate for a moment - just what is Ganesh offering me today with this opportunity? With these feelings? Why am I in this situation? Let the questions rise momentarily, then let them drift back into nothingness. Let Ganesha answer in his own time and in his own way.

    May the peace and love of Ganesha be yours now and always.

    Jai Ganesha!

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    Re: Losing My Faith

    During my college years, timewise god was a luxury I couldnt afford. Although howmuch now I wish I had practiced meditation during that stressful period. Concentrating on classes in itself is a form of japa/tapas, just see how demanding it gets.
    Since studies is your current dharma Gods will stay with you, and they will not feel betrayed. Also, should you be too busy for them, then they will keep an eye on your welfare.. namaste

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