Namaste!
Probably posting this in the wrong place again but I've been reading 'How to become a Hindu' recently and came up against a bit of a snag - at least for me.
I am not a member of the Saiva Siddhanta Church (not with my views!) but I found the fact that Subramuniyaswami lists the following as the norm a little (read: a lot) annoying.
This really caught me. The fact that he says 'women are not expected to speak' translates, basically, for me as 'women are expected to stay silent'. As a fairly head strong woman I do not like the implications.The Role of Women
In traditional Hindu culture, women are held in the highest regard -- far more respected, in truth, than in the West. But this does not imply the kind of equality or participation in public interactions that are common in the West. The qualities traditionally most admired in an Asian woman are modesty of manner, shyness and self-effacement. Self-assertive or bold tendencies are regarded with circumspection. Feminine refinements are expressed and protected in many customs, including the following:
1. WOMANLY RESERVE: In mixed company, a Hindu woman will keep modestly in the background and not participate freely in conversation. This, of course, does not apply to situations among family and close friends. When male guests are in the home, women of the household will appear when it is proper for them to do so. Visitors do not expect or ask to meet them. Women are not expected to speak out or make themselves a part of the conversation.
Visitors don't even expect to meet the lady of the house? That, to me, shows how lowly women are thought of!
I am not going to give my husband the authority in a relationship. I look at it like this - my husband (if I ever marry) is Shiva and I am Shakti, we are both equally important and rely on one another. One is not given superiority over the other.2. WALKING BEHIND ONE'S HUSBAND: The wife walks a step or two behind her husband, or if walking by his side, a step or two back, always giving him the lead. In the West, the reverse of this is often true.
When it comes to serving people at a meal you always serves others first, I have no problem with that, but I will not serve a man first simply because he is a man!3. SERVING AT MEALS: At meals women follow the custom of serving the men first before enjoying their own meal.
This just... maybe if I was in India I would accept this? As a woman I live by something called a 'rape schedule' whenever I am outside of my home and I acknowledge this so maybe if I were in India I'd agree that chaperoning was a good idea but I live in Australia and I have many Indian friends. The women are not chaperoned about and often do their own things.4. CHAPERONING: It is customary for a woman to always be accompanied when she leaves the home. Living alone, too, is unusual.
Uh-huh... I'm sorry, no. I am not going to be mute whenever I go out - I live alone and I have to do things for myself. If I didn't strike up conversations with random people I'd probably never make friends! My closest friends I made because I saw them doing something I thought was cool and went and spoke to them! I believe that this restriction on women speaking to people on the street or having a conversation could be used to isolate women from the world around them and force them to rely totally on their family/husband. Just because it is culturally acceptable in some place else it does not mean it is something that should be encouraged.5. WOMEN IN PUBLIC: Generally it is improper for women to speak with strangers on the street and especially to strike up a casual conversation. Similarly, drinking alcohol or smoking in public, no matter how innocent, are interpreted as a sign of moral laxity and are not acceptable.
Definitely don't agree with this one. What if this male visitor is a friend of the family and the husband is out for a few minutes? Should said male visitor go away when my partner is going to be coming back and there is absolutely no chance of me having thoughts of him as a ... man. I can not really be held responsible for his thoughts but most men, in general, are not going to do anything. And if they are (rape schedule again), they're not going to just go away when I say my husband isn't home.Guests in the Home
3. WIFE HOME ALONE: If the lady of the house is home alone and a male visitor comes to see her husband, it is not proper for her to invite him in, nor for him to expect to enter. Rather, he will leave a message and depart.
Generally I like this book but there are things that just make me twitch. Yes, I am a feminist and I will fight for women to be treated equally. This does not mean that women should be expected to carry the same loads as men and it doesn't mean that men should be expected to breast feed but it does mean that women are treated with the same respect and courtesy that one would offer men.
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