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Thread: PARENTS OPPOSE MARRIAGE

  1. #1

    PARENTS OPPOSE MARRIAGE

    Issue resolved
    Last edited by hesh86; 01 January 2012 at 09:50 PM.

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    Re: PARENTS OPPOSE MARRIAGE

    Namaste,

    Edited - Scroll down to post #10 in this thread.

    Pranam.
    Last edited by Believer; 01 January 2012 at 06:29 AM. Reason: Troll's Visit

  3. #3

    Re: PARENTS OPPOSE MARRIAGE

    Namaste Hesh,

    I agree that this is a difficult situation.

    It would be so much better to start your marriage with your parents accepting your bride.

    I think that it would be good to ask them (again) what is bothering them about this. If they have a reason to think that something about her would make you unhappy even if she came from the same background that you do, and were the same age, and could bear children, then you really should think about what they have to say. In other words, if they see a basic incompatibility in your two beings, pay attention.

    I would also approach a mixed Hindu/Christian marriage with care. I would hope that each of you would have a good understanding of each other's spirituality and what it means to the other person. How would the two of you raise your children? If your children learn anything but the most superficial understanding of Christianity they will be terrified that you will be tortured in hell forever. And the Christian bible is very clear that no deities are to be worshipped except for the one in the bible, so if your wife thinks very hard about this she might fear for her own salvation if she finds herself on any sort of Hindu path. Or she might be wanting to convert you and not even realize that yet herself.

    This is not to say "Don't do it!" to the two of you. Just think hard about what you are getting into, and know how to support each other through it.

    And if you know each other and love each other after 11 months and want to marry, that's a good sign for the two of you. (11 months gives you a chance to know each other a bit, and hopefully a chance for each of you to see how the other one deals with difficulties/disappointments, etc.) If the two of you would have a happy marriage, it won't hurt you to wait a bit while you work out how to deal with the mixed religion aspect (although maybe you've already thoroughly discussed it), and give your parents a bit more of a chance to accept her, and accept your marriage. Then, after that, if they still don't accept her, and you still want to marry each other, you either marry and take the chance that they will never accept her, or you see that you don't want to give up your family for the marriage. Time will help you.

    Best wishes to both of you!

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    Re: PARENTS OPPOSE MARRIAGE

    Namaste,

    11 months of dating.

    Even Christians do not get married in 11 years so both of you comes from different religion.

    year 25 old, is too early to get marry to different culture.
    Namaskar,

    AmIHindu ?

    यज्ञानां जपयज्ञोऽस्मि ।

    नाम्नोऽस्ति यावती शक्तिः पापनिर्हरणे हरेः । श्र्वपचोऽपि नरः कतुँ क्षमस्तावन्नकिल्विषम् ।।

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    Re: PARENTS OPPOSE MARRIAGE

    Quote Originally Posted by AmIHindu View Post
    Namaste,

    11 months of dating.

    Even Christians do not get married in 11 years so both of you comes from different religion.

    year 25 old, is too early to get marry to different culture.
    AmIHindu,

    According to the ashrama system, age 25 is the beginning of the grihasthasrama, which is when people get married and start raising families.

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    Re: PARENTS OPPOSE MARRIAGE

    Quote Originally Posted by hesh86 View Post
    I am a 25 year old Hindu. She is a 33 year old American Christian. Her parents are ok with it and happy for us. We have been dating for 11 months and now I have decided to marry her. My parents refuse to attend our wedding, which will be according to Hindu customs. Initially, my father told me it was my decision and he will abide by it. Now, he has turned tails and said he will not be present at my wedding. He says "life is yours and choice is yours" - as though he is doing me a favor by enlightening me on this. He is still unsure about this relationship. There are many other issues also, which I have looked past, but which are bothering him I think. She can not conceive a child, but we can go for surrogate pregnancy or adoption. She also has debt from college, but it will be cleared up soon. She undergoes physical therapy regularly but that is because of some past surgeries, but she is overall very healthy and active. She is successful in her career, we work at same place. She enjoys Indian culture. We share same ideologies. All of this falls on deaf ears. She is ready to wear mangal sutra and kumkum on her head after getting married (although I have yet to tell my parents that she has agreed to this.) Nothing will make a difference. I asked what the problem is by e-mail to my dad. Still no reply. Does he really care for my happiness (which he clearly does not IMO because he does not want to attend my wedding)? Or is he worried about what others will say? What should I do?
    Vannakkam hesh86: I hesitate to say much at all given the real lack of details. For example, you didn't mention what exact type of Christian she is. I'm pretty much assuming she's pretty liberal or non-practising or she probably wouldn't be in this situation.

    My wife and I got married very young. I was 21, she was 20, but that was in a different era. Like you, we didn't have the blessings of one set of parents, but that did change.

    My suggestion is to go to some older friends, or married friends in real life, not on-line people like us, and ask for some honest opinions. After all, HDF isn't a counselling site.

    Best wishes regardless of what you decide.

    Aum Namasivaya
    Last edited by Eastern Mind; 30 December 2011 at 07:30 PM.

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    Re: PARENTS OPPOSE MARRIAGE

    Namaste,

    Quote Originally Posted by Eastern Mind View Post
    After all, HDF isn't a counselling site.
    You sure know how to burst someone's bubble. Here I was, thinking that I had almost become a family counselor for the forum!
    Just kidding EM.

    Pranam.
    Last edited by Believer; 30 December 2011 at 11:44 PM.

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    Re: PARENTS OPPOSE MARRIAGE

    NamastÚ,

    Issues in inter-faith marriage were discussed on the forum about a year ago. The thread is here and might provide a few ideas for you, maybe?

    I agree that now is the time for discussion with your parents, to simply try your best in the situation, listening carefully and answering their concerns however you can. It's an unusual situation that's hard to judge from the outside, and we - and maybe they - are missing some facts that are pretty important. How does your wife-to-be reconcile her Christian beliefs with a Hindu marriage ceremony, based upon Vedic scripture and not her own? Have the two of you had charts done to determine your astrological compatibility? By what faith will your children be raised (if you do choose to adopt or have by surrogate)? These are just a few questions I can think of from a single reading; your family may have many more.

    Good luck. The others who answered in this thread have given you some excellent, wise advice.

    Indraneela
    ===
    Oṁ Indrāya Namaḥ.
    Oṁ Namaḥ Śivāya.

  9. #9

    Re: PARENTS OPPOSE MARRIAGE

    As I mention in a later post, the issue of marriage has been resolved amicably. The details are still up in the air.

    As for the allegations in the post below, I did not come here to be judged, I came for help. If God can't forgive me, I have no interest in moksha or his kingdom or this 'self-realisation'. I have changed in the last few months and have realized that I have not done anything wrong, because nobody was hurt. I could be misled, but the comment below is sadly distorted and misrepresents facts, people can go and view the entire post to know what I really said. I truly did have a doubt whether what I was doing was wrong. Every sinner has a future and every saint has a past, in my opinion.

    I am not perfect and I realize this.
    Last edited by hesh86; 06 February 2012 at 01:14 AM. Reason: Edited unnecessary slanderous comments made earlier.

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    Re: PARENTS OPPOSE MARRIAGE

    Namaste,

    Let us look at the chronology of your posts,
    Quote Originally Posted by hesh86 View Post
    First time visitor to the forums. I am interested in spirituality, especially the non-dualist (Advaita) viewpoint, which I have been studying about as a hobby for the last five years. I even attend weekly satsang on various vedic scriptures. Currently, we have just finished the second chapter of Srimad Bhagavad Gita. I have independently read the Bhagavad Gita myself. I also have read Uttarakand of Ramcharitmanas, Dasbodh, Panchikaranam, Ishavasya Upanishad, Kena upanishad and Mundaka Upanishad. Other than this I have read 'Reflections' on Ramana Maharishi.
    Quote Originally Posted by hesh86 View Post
    I have a few questions to ask everyone based on a personal situation I am facing.
    1. Is having a girlfriend/boyfriend before marriage a sin?
    2. Is engaging in foreplay before marriage but without having sex considered a sin as per Vedic scriptures? If so, what is the repentance (prayaschit) for this?
    3. How does one control one's sexual impulses?
    Quote Originally Posted by hesh86 View Post
    Also, I should mention that I do have a girlfriend. She is a Christian American and ..... we have been physically intimate.
    So, you have read a ton of scriptures in the last 5+ years, have regularly attended satsangs, but haven't learnt anything about what is acceptable and what is not; as you ask us if it is wrong to be intimate with your friend before marriage.

    Now you come back for advice about a glitch in your proposed marriage.

    Folks, we have a troll who is taking us for a ride!

    Pranam.

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