Why fear a temple?

[Eastern Mind]

Vannakkam: This is just a question to try to satisfy my own curiosity. Over the years I've been on this forum, I've 'met' or communicated through this medium called the internet with perhaps 30 newcomers, maybe even more - seekers who are asking more about Hinduism.

One of the things I've always encouraged is to visit a local temple. (As most of you know, I'm sort of a temple kind of guy, and that's quite accurately reflected in the India Abroad article, my postings, and elsewhere.) I've even purchased several real time archanas for several people I've met here, sent out real-time prasadam to them. So some have at least in part been to a temple, via my prayers and the priest here chanting their names, sometimes even down to the exact timings so they can sit at home in their shrine rooms, like you'd do an archana for some family friend unable to attend for some odd reason.

But still I know several people (probably about two-thirds of those I've PMed on it etc.) who just can't seem to take that step: actually visit a Hindu temple. Actually go to a Hindu temple and pray to the Gods there. It seems blatantly obvious to me that if you consider yourself a Hindu, then there really shouldn't be a problem.

One of the reasons given is cost, or transportation, or proximity. Once a year? Once? Surely few are that broke that they couldn't go once? American cities have public transportation, last time I heard. Have you any friends? In the Hinduism I know, devotees will drive long distances just to get the blessings of the Lord. Here I often see license plates from BC or Saskatchewan. (google map?) Many devotees routinely come form Calgary, 180 miles away, just for the day. Last weekend my wife and I went to Calgary to visit a small Amman temple. Just for the day.

For the kumbabishekam here this summer, I personally know people who are coming from London, UK, Washington DC, Toronto, and Dallas TX.

I had a colleague at school who was an Arya Samaj person who even though she professed not to believe in it, still told me she and her husband went once or twice a year.

And yet some person who has a steady job, lives 10 miles from a temple, professes to be a Hindu, has read more scriptures than I have, asks all kinds of questions about temples and other things, actually can't go?

What is that holds these friends back? It's obviously fear of something. But what?

I can only think of one 'legitimate' reason.

I actually am really curious because I feel they're missing something. I'm sure I'll get the answer, "You don't have to go to a Hindu temple to be a Hindu" which of course is true. But that's not the question. The question is "Could you?" If I came to your door, picked you up, would you be able to come? (I did try that once, but the person jammed out at the last minute.)

Aum Namasivaya

[McKitty]

Hello,

Well, if you come at my door and propose that, i'll sure go.
It was complicated before as there is only one temple in my country, in Paris. When I lived in the south with my parents it was really too far away and even with transportation it's nearly seven hours to go there...So it was complicated.

Now that I live by myself in the north, I'm at two hour for Paris. It's more easy and far less expensive for me. But...I don't know. It may be strange for you to see other in such difficulty for a thing that seems natural to you. I'm dying to go to the temple, but I still can't do it.

Why ?

I have go to Tamil Nadu and Kerala for nearly a month, eating veg and going to several temples. I met people there, made friend with priests, it was the most inspiring pilgrimage I've ever done.
So why am I afraid to go to the temple in my country ?

Because in India people accepted me and showed me the way. The worst case, they simply ignored my existence. I am afraid to go in my country because I know people maybe won't accept a non hindu newcomer. What fears me is the fact that'll go totally alone and I know that alone I won't be able to do things correctly and to have a good moment.

I don't know exactly how to behave, if I can do Japa, what do I have to do when I am in front of God, how to prostrate, etc...

Sorry if I sound like a coward or something, it's just my ignorance that paralyze me and the fact of being alone, without a guide make the whole thing more frightening.

Aum~

[Eastern Mind]

Vannakkam: The Ganesha temple in Paris is run by Sri Lankan Tamils, some of the friendliest most open people you'll ever meet. If there are Mauritian people there, it'll even be friendlier. It will be much like Tamil Nadu. I'm planning on going to the other side of the planet next winter, and not yet sure which flight will be the cheapest. There are a few options, a transfer in Paris being one of them. So if that is the case, I'll let you know, and we can all go together. I will be a stranger in Paradise too, but I'll just walk right in. (BTW, I'm white like you.) It is the House of the Lord, not of the people. He has to welcome me.

http://www.templeganesh.fr/

I'll buy you an archana.

Aum Namasivaya

[Believer]

Namaste,

Now that I live by myself in the north, I'm at two hour for Paris

Many years ago, I contacted the Paris ISKCON temple via their published email address, got their physical address and directions to get there and did an hour's worth of train rides (2) to get to the nearest station. Then showed the directions written in English to few people passing by till I got someone to show me the way to the temple which was in a house in a residential area. When I got there, the weekly class was in session in French, being conducted by a a Frenchman. So, I paid my respects to the murthis, sat there for a while pretending to listen to the priest and then quietly left. Why do I tell this story? Because the only thing one has to be mindful is not to disturb the proceedings of the temple - puja, lecture etc. while entering and to prostarte in front of the deities. So, there is nothing to fear about. The priest was a regular run of the mill Parisan, the class was being conducted in French, and later on the Aarti would have been sung by all, that anyone unfamiliar with it, could stand back and watch. It is nothing to be afraid of. Here is the web address for their temple, ( http://krishnaparis.com/ )which has the program and directions given in English and French. Being on the North side of Paris, it might even be in your own neighborhood.

So McKitty, make an effort and visit one of the temples that EM has given information on, or the one I listed above. You would be surprised at their welcome.

Pranam.

[Eastern Mind]

Vannakkam: Thanks, Believer, for pointing that out. In my experience the 'white' Hindu is incredibly welcomed. It's like .. "Finally, there is an American (or Canadian, or European) who isn't critical of my faith! Where have you been all this time?" So its almost disproportionately welcoming. (Once its clear you're a Hindu) Some days I'd rather just go and fit in without any fuss.

Aum Namasivaya

[Jainarayan]

But still I know several people (probably about two-thirds of those I've PMed on it etc.) who just can't seem to take that step: actually visit a Hindu temple. Actually go to a Hindu temple and pray to the Gods there. It seems blatantly obvious to me that if you consider yourself a Hindu, then there really shouldn't be a problem.

What is that holds these friends back? It's obviously fear of something. But what?

I can only think of one 'legitimate' reason.

I'm one of those 2/3 or several people you've heard tell of.

It's not so much a matter of considering yourself a Hindu, it's wondering or anticipating how Indian-born or diaspora-born and raised Hindus, will react to you and if they will consider you Hindu.

When you have clinically diagnosed social anxiety and general anxiety disorder, there's fear of the unknown when venturing somewhere for the first time by yourself. Last Diwali and Lakshmi Puja a nice lady on the internet offered to take me to temple if she could. But she's in the UK and I'm in the US. A little logistical problem there.

I remember when I first came here I encountered the word 'mleccha' because one of our female posters was called that by an Indian woman at temple and was very hurt by it. That's the sort of thing I fear.

I have met Hindus who get a kick out of it that a white guy is Hindu and proud of it. Of course, that's when it sinks in because it's so unusual. It takes them a moment to register, then the smile lights up.

If I came to your door, picked you up, would you be able to come? (I did try that once, but the person jammed out at the last minute.)

Aum Namasivaya

Yes, without hesitation. And while I might not be wearing a tie, I would at least be wearing better business casual (slacks, open collar shirt, maybe a jacket). Once I got comfortable enough, I might even try a dhoti. But I need someone to hold my hand, as it were, when venturing to someplace new.

Vannakkam: Thanks, Believer, for pointing that out. In my experience the 'white' Hindu is incredibly welcomed. It's like .. "Finally, there is an American (or Canadian, or European) who isn't critical of my faith! Where have you been all this time?" So its almost disproportionately welcoming. (Once its clear you're a Hindu) Some days I'd rather just go and fit in without any fuss.

Aum Namasivaya

That's the sort of reaction I am hoping for. Instead of bursting on the scene during a Satyanarayana Puja, it would probably serve me better to go at off-times, get the "lay of the land", spend some time in prayer and meditation, just making a presence, so that when temple regulars see me, they can adapt to me as much as I to them.

[Eastern Mind]

Vannakkam: Imagining non-existent stuff is part of anxiety disorder, no? (BTW, I have it too. Been on meds for 20 years). If you just go, there will be no need to imagine stuff like Hindus wearing ties. You'll see it for real, and from what I can decipher from your imagining, it will be nothing at all close to what you are thinking. (In some North Indian style temples, the occasional politician type might wear a tie, but its rare.) Ties and suits are tied to some other faiths. Imagining walking into the middle of some large puja disrupting it is imaginary folly too. Fact is, you'll probably not even be noticed. More likely if you go on an off day.

I'm certainly not driving 2000 miles to take some 56 year old guy by the hand to a Hindu temple.

But for the record, Boss and I are going to Northern California in about 3 weeks. Looking forward to going to 4 temples in the Bay area, none of which I've ever been to before, two more back in Vancouver, and one small one in the Okanogan area of BC ... 7 in all.

Aum Namasivaya

[Maya3]

It's definitely the fear of not being accepted at the temple because I'm not Indian.
I've had both good and bad experiences by people of Indian decent when they found out about me and it did make me nervous.

Especially in the beginning, before I knew and was familiar with temple rituals.
I had been going to my ashram for many years before I went to a temple and at first I felt very shy and didn't know what was expected of me.

Now I go to a temple that is very mixed and i'm completely comfortable and woudn't feel that shy if I visit another temple.

Maya

[Purana]

Just a humble opinion of my own.

Fear and mindfulness is what stopping new devotees from entering a Hindu temple in my views. The fear and mindfulness of possible non-acceptance, scrutiny from the 'original' devotees in the temple. It is like what McKitty mentioned about her thoughts on how to behave, doing the proper Japa, paying proper due respect to God... However she mentioned one eye catching word to me and it is...

'Ignorance.'

Honestly I once shared the same sentiments as her and/or with everybody that may have the same fear. Many questions that starts with, 'What if...?', 'Will they....?', 'Will I be....?' and the list go on that mirrors McKitty's views as well. However, one should remember that you are there for God and yourself, and not for anybody. The process (that what I feel it is) is just like meditation. In the very beginning, you will be prone to interuption in the learning stage. You will be very conscious about the surrounding, whether people are observing you etc etc. It is about the same as the fear of taking a step into the temple for the first time or twice. I would say once you had gone go to a temple enough, like say once every month or twice a year, everything will slowly fall into place. During your free time, you could always search the internet or books to enrich yourself on the culture of Hinduism, at least from this, you would have armed yourself with substantial information of what to do and expect when you visit a temple. That would lessen the doubts in you that I would believe. When you got a chance to visit a temple, observe politely on how the devotees pray and what they do. You could also ask the temple helpers/priests/devotees to assist you on any certain burning questions in your mind. I am very sure they would be glad to share with you.

When I started to visit the Sri Mariamman temple which is near my workplace, I noticed people looking at me and even the tourists as well. Doubts begin to filled my mind, 'Am I sticking out like a sore thumb? Help! I don't want to be noticed! I just want people to leave me alone!' And all the negativity thoughts goes on. Somehow I didn't realised that instead of coming to accomplish my goal in speaking with God, to relax my mind in His sanctity, I am here concerning with how people look at me and mindful whether did I do the wrong things in paying respect? It is these thoughts that pull you away further from being closer to God. No?

As a new devotee, perhaps we may not be able to accomplish or grasp fully of the knowledge of what our fellow brothers and sisters who are born into the religion. Or able to pronounce expertly on the words for prayers due to the foreign language that we are not born to speak it. However, I do believe in one thing. With sincere heart, God accepts you for who you are and all forms of devotion that you had dedicated to Him. It is good to read and learn on the traditional pujas, jappas so on and on. But if you didn't do it or do it not accurately, it doesn't make you any less pious.

I don't really do the traditional ritual on knocking on the temple of your head and doing the squats thrice in venerating my Lord Vinayagar. I love Him just like how I love my close family members. But does that make me less in His eyes? Just like in oppose to the other devotees, I've always walked in circles around my Lord Vinayagar's chapel and touches the doorsteps of the chapel and uses the same fingers to touch my forehead as akin touching His feet and gain His blessings. I don't see the devotees do that nor any of them giving me stares. If they do, honestly, I would either smile at them or simply ignore them. My purpose here is to give my devotion to Him and not to anyone.

Sorry for the long rant but just to share my personal experience in hope that new devotees will brace themselves and continue to move forward.

Oh! Lastly, I am not an ethnic Indian by the way. So I am learning the same as everybody here.

[Jainarayan]

Namaste.

Vannakkam: Imagining non-existent stuff is part of anxiety disorder, no? (BTW, I have it too. Been on meds for 20 years). If you just go, there will be no need to imagine stuff like Hindus wearing ties.

Better living though chemistry, I'm on meds. too. Yes, the imagining is called "negative projection" and "amygdala hijacking". You're right, by just biting the bullet and doing it, the anxiety goes away. You'd think that after all the times like this, I'd learn.

You'll see it for real, and from what I can decipher from your imagining, it will be nothing at all close to what you are thinking. (In some North Indian style temples, the occasional politician type might wear a tie, but its rare.) Ties and suits are tied to some other faiths. Imagining walking into the middle of some large puja disrupting it is imaginary folly too. Fact is, you'll probably not even be noticed. More likely if you go on an off day.

Well that's all a relief! I probably won't be noticed... I'm a back-of-the-room person anyway.

I'm certainly not driving 2000 miles to take some 56 year old guy by the hand to a Hindu temple.

54!



Happily, I am getting closer to taking the plunge. I keep saying that all the Hindus I know in real life are wonderful people, so it's really stupid to think they turn into gremlins at temple.