Do you feel the same too ?

[McKitty]

Hello everyone ! (annoying Kitty is back ^^")

Well, I ask once again for you opinion. Since I get deeper into Sanatana Dharma, I now face a strange situation. And I would like to know if, as Hindu, or as followers practicing Sanatana Dharma, you feel the same too.

I will be honest: I am not a perfect being. I am not the perfect devotee. I'm very limited about going to the temple, I can be lazy sometimes, I tend to being jealous and angry sometimes...I'm not fully vegetarian yet, it's difficult because of my culture and the misunderstanding of my family. I haven't read all the scriptures, I do not know the Veda, I have no guru, I don't live in India. I'm not a super intellectual understanding machine...

...But I do feel really intense devotion.

Since the dream that lead me to Tamil Nadu and on the path of Sanatana Dharma, I have changed and now that I look in the past, I feel miles away of what I was before.

When I had the dream of Lord Mahadev telling me to go to India, I was a ignorant teenager.

When, much later, I had the dream of Lord Mahadev showing me how to worship Ganesha/Maa in a temple, I was more instructed thanks to the scriptures, and I changed.

Two nights ago, I suffered of sleep paralysis during the night (basically, your body is asleep, but you are fully counscious. So, you are unable to move, and enter a state of panic that lead to auditive/touching hallucinations)
Immediately I began chanting Om Namah Shivaya in my head, and concentrating on the point betwee my elbrows. Then, naturally, my mind became detached from my body, I did felt the touching, the noises, but no panic crisis. Always with the mantra, I placed my Lord between my elbrows and offered puja and aarti to him. This done, I enshrined him in my heart, with Ganesha and Maa Durga. I touched the feets of Lord Ganeshji, I prayed and hugged the feets of my beloved Mother on her Lion. Then, I prayed deeply to my Lord Shiva, touched his feets, bowed to him, chanting his mantra...Finally when I was done, I was still paralysed. But no more panic, no more hallucination, just emptiness, and bliss, just like leaving the temple after getting Darshan.

A bad experience turned into a great one.
Yet I'm not special in any way. So why ? I'm not making anything up. Why did Lord Shiva, one day, one night, turned his gaze on me ?

Now I'm still not a perfect devotee. But more and more and more I go deeper into Mahadev.

Sometimes, I become like mad. My mind goes dark, my body feels weak and fragile...Because I miss my Lord.
I truly, sincerely want to let everything go, to cut every attachement, and to leave to India living renunciation. Dedicate my full being to Lord Shiva, free of all bonds.

I do realize everything it implies. Believe me, I really do. Some might say "you will be cold, you will be hungry, you will be bored..." But how can I be? I will be at full service to my Lord, if my lord wish me to be cold, to be hungry, I will with his names on my lips. How can I be bored, dedicating my life to Him, seeing Him all around me ? This is bliss !

I have this strong, irrationnal desire. This is devotion yes...But then, slowly, my rationnal mind come back, saying "no, you cannot live you family, you cannot give up your studies, you have to find a work, you have a man you love..."

But... I still feel incomplete. I still feel terribly attracted to renunciation, even if I am young, even if I have a man, even if I have to find a job...Every goal seem so empty comparing to dedicate myself to Lord Mahadev !

Do you feel this need too ?

What is this feeling, why do I feel it ! It troubles me, as I do not see myself as a "good" devotee, at last, I do not practice every rule strictly... Yet I perform "little" sacrifices: I don't smoke, I don't drink, it's been months since I haven't had any sexual activity...But it is too easy ! I naturally have no desire to smoke, to drink, to have sex...The more I go to the way of Sanatana Dharma, the more I change and experience Him. But the sudden realisation, the sudden need to come closer, to renunciate, is coming up in my mind without warning, without me controlling it...


I am so sorry to disturb you with this stupid thing...But I am really intrested in any experience, any advice or opinion about this, if you want to share something, please feel free !


Aum~

[Shuddhasattva]

Namaste

The spirit of bhakti shines through your post. You have just bowed to yourself wearing my form.

Regarding advice... The one thing I feel should be said is that perhaps the greatest renunciation is renunciation of renunciation. One takes the spirit of renunciation - nonattachment to material objects/sensation, and lives in the world, not seeking to escape from it, but instead doing service to it.

Unfortunately the ideal of individual liberation/apotheosis has become prevalent in Hinduism, yet the Buddhist doctrine of the mahayana (universal service & enlightenment) drew its first breath from the Hindu dharma, and this view is still represented particularly in the trika/kaula traditions, especially in that of Kubjika which imbibed deeply from the mahayana,

It is also, in another form, in the gaudiya tradition. One renounces even the idea of moksha to serve Sri Krishna eternally; as one must see Krishna everywhere, in everyone, one must also serve everyone.

...

In our current society humanity is greatly at risk. Some 30,000 to 140,000 species go extinct per year. We are literally in a man-made mass extinction right now. Within 150 years humanity will have killed itself off, along with most life on Earth, choked to death on its own overconsumption. We are also totally reliant on limited, non-renewable resources which, aside from the threat of this fact to collapse industrial civilization even leaving out the ecological degradation which strikes the heart of our food and water supplies, is also poised to create geopolitical/military conflict over the dwindling resources.

We are not far from a hellish world indeed unless people committed to the spirit of service in devotion and devotion in service show a new way to live that is palatable to the people of the world.

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."
-Margaret Mead

Namaste

[Eastern Mind]

Vannakkam McKitty: Yes, it is a draw, a magnet. But there is plenty of time. Many lifetimes. Don't be in a huge hurry to renounce the world. That willl be a natural outcome when the jiva is ripe, just as a ripe fruit will fall to the ground.

As for the question ... Yes. You are not alone. For example: There is a major festival (kumbabhishekham) at temple here for 5 days. Today is Day 1. This morning I thought I would go this morning, but skip tonight. But right now (4 PM here) I want to go back tonight. The priests are drawing the energy out and up. One can feel it. It is like TN.

Aum Namasivaya

[devotee]

Namaste Mckitty,

I think I am in the same boat to an extent and I am sure there are millions. So, you are not alone. Have patience. There is no hurry. Our Guru said, "Have infinite patience for immediate (spiritual) results".

When the time would come, you won't ask anyone. God alone would be your guide.

OM

[McKitty]

Hello everyone, thank you very much for taking the time to answer !

I realise there is much problems in the world. It pains me to see, every day on the news, on tv, on the internet, dying people at war, poverty, starvation, politicians taking the freedom of their people...This happen more and more daily, and this is tragic.
I have to chance to be born on a country and a family where I do not suffer from hunger or thirst. I know this is a great chance an opportunity...But yet, what can I do for this world ?

I don't have enough physical condition to engage myself in international missions. I already began studies in a difficult school, and cannot go back now. I don't have enough money to give much to every charity...

So, is it an excuse for not giving or doing anything ?
No.

I am a student, I don't have much money and time. But each time I can give even a single euro to a charity passing by, I do. In my country, there is an organisation made by volonteer people, stocking food donated from people and giving them to poor families and people.
Many of these places got entirely burned, destroyed or robbed by bad people. This winter, my boyfriend and I brough many packs of pastas and soups. We didn't have money for more useful and expensive things, but at last we gave them food...The volonteers were happy, even if it was nothing.

Yes, a drop. In a single drop there's something powerful. Everyone should know that, and knowing that, helping.

But infortunately, for animal and human causes, many organisations are not as honest as they say. Sometimes, money donated don't go directly to the people. Most money donated get lost somewhere in bureaucracy, and this is not helping.

With friends I made a little video game, a sponsor gave us 300 dollars for it. We gave all the money directly to people in Japan, for helping them.
Same in India. In Tamil Nadu, I preferred giving books and useful things directly to the people and schools. We even made friends with a courageous fisher woman. Victims of the tsunami, they had lost everything, and she couldn't afford college for her son. She invited us to her house to eat, we smiled, discussed about everything, she and her family become very dear friends. Now we help her paying college for her son. When we said that to her, she began crying. And I cried with her too.

Helping, Giving to people directly, getting directly in contact whenever you have the possibility. With internet, with phone, with technologies here we can help from human to human more easily, and this is what is the most beautiful thing in giving.

Many people give to charity saying "meh, my good act of the year"
Other meets the people that need more than them, make friend, give to them, and create bonds beyond what you can imagine.

Many associations propose to go on a trip in a country not for tourism, but for building a school/library/giving food to poor people in Africa or South America...Or to help in a natural place, to count animals, for helping searchers in their work to save animals...

Those associations are much more time taking, but they have a very good and direct impact in wellfare of others, humans or animals, if you have some time, dig a little into it, it can be interesting !


To go back more specicly on the subject...Well...I'm sorry, I am a little troubled, those feelings are really new to me. Yesterday I cried of joy after japa, I don't even know what triggered this.

I am so happy to be with you, to be able to speak to Hindu and followers of Sanatana Dharma !

Yes I am terribly drawn to the path of renunciation. I first saw it like the only way to fully dedicate myself to my Lord. But thank to your posts, I understand more.

Living a life is hard too, espacially in this Kali Yuga. In 50 years, there will be not enough food, water for everyone, animals will be dead, politicians will be harder....In 50 years I'll still be alive. I'll live though this terrible years....Being able to live through it, to be able to struggle, to have and raise a child, to give time, money, words for helping others, and yet to practice Dharma....My everyday's fellow is Mahadev. Living knowing that, dying with my Lord's name on the lips, this is a great way to honour Shivaji too.

Then I think of my beloved Mother, Maa Durga. Seeing difficulties, obstacles and ennemies rising, does she turn her back to them, drop all her weapons and ornements, sit down and do nothing ? Maa Durga would break through them, without any hesitation, with all her beauty, her glory, because difficulties, obstacles and ennemies are a part of Her power, and She, riding Power, do not fear them.
I am born under the sign of the Lion, I will not renounce to the capacities and opportunities that this life has given to me, I will become the Lion of my Mother, so she can ride to glory on my back, with my tough fixed on Mahadev, I will remain calm, aware, and my pride will be swallowed, and from the space pride left, knowledge will come.

I am a ignorant Lion, full of pride and potencial. Time and knowledge can cure that !
Some are born Lion, other are born Cow, others are born warriors while others are born monk. We all have a path in front of us, having a path is a gift, an opportunity...But in the end, in our many lives when we experiment all those path, we all end up in the same place...

Jai Mata Di ! Jai Jai Mahadev !

[Amrut]

Namaste,

Those are all phases of life.

This post can be helpful to you regarding veg and non-veg diet

http://www.hindudharmaforums.com/sho...73&postcount=7

your exp of conscious paralyses generally happens in night time. At this time, you are generally at sleep, but that day, you could not sleep. I hop i am correct.

then as time passes, thoughts which should extinguish in sleep come out, but since you are not in dream state (100 %), so you are aware of them.

Some feel pressure on chest and they feel like someone is pressing their chest hard, some feel pressure on 3rd eye, center of eye brows, etc.

It happen, nothing to worry about.

Just do what you did as prayed to mahadev.

No 2 days are same. You do not know how you will behave tomorrow. Mind is like monkey, unpredictable. So you behave unexpectedly on some days.

This is just a phase of life, do not think too much about it, just increase bhakti.

regarding donation, no ashram, foundation is perfect. In this age / era, nothing is 100 % pure, so if you think that atleast some part of money is used in proper way, you can donate it, else you will not be able to donate at all. Just donate and leave it on Mahadev.

Aum


IS

[Eastern Mind]

Vannakkam McKitty: Giving is a lot more than just money ... It is time, smiles, cheer, wisdom, an ear, a helping hand, humour, and much more.

Aum Namasivaya

[IcyCosmic]

Ah, thats beautiful. You have a strong relationship with Shiva - its very pleasant and touching to hear.
Your thoughts have mirrored mine multiple times in your posts, the battle between total dedication and material success is a hard one to conclude - especially when everyone around you seeks happiness in temporary material things. Right?
Well I eventually came to the decision of staying on the material path and striking a balance wherever possible, its not necessary to be a full blown yogi who lives that simple lifestyle (but will it derive more happiness? perhaps and most probably) that is why I'm trying to make everything in my existence into a act of yoga and do it without attachment.

There are certain things I want to do on the material path, which are selfless acts - but also many selfish acts. I want to become materially well endowed a useless status symbol to prove myself to my parents. (Yes, I know its not needed). I also want to become wholly succesful in order to tickle my own ego (again useless) - but in the same light I want to use my monetary gain for a specific non-profit organisation.

God does not want you to 'NOT' enjoy yourself, the difference is being completely dedicated unto him is perhaps the greatest enjoyment of all, we are offered many paths (one of them being the material) and they all eventually lead to the same destination even if it will take longer for most.
That is my foolish opinion. I think you shouldn't worry, if you want too eventually live that bhudda-esque lifestyle then so be it, but if you want to also have the material lifestyle then strike that balance. Infact, why even strike a balance. Make everything into an act of yoga, is that not indirectly the same as living that simple lifestyle?

[Equinox]

Vannakkam McKitty, everyone.

Don't worry, you're not alone. I feel exactly as you do. I guess, it gets to a certain point where certain things need to be reconsidered and analysed again.

Sometimes, I just don't know where I'm heading to, or why I do certain things.

I've been asking myself, "Why me?"....... Why do I have to realise so many things when most others don't. Why am I so matured for my age? God, even my parents don't know much about religion. Why me? Or am I just overacting?

I don't know.

I love God. That I know. I hate seeing people suffering, and I always do all I can to help others. At the same time, since I live in this materialistic world ( it's a curse or something), I tend to be egoistic and inclined to be selfish. It's not that I want to, but I just need to be in order to survive and keep me from drowning in this horrible world.

What hurts most is that, most people I'm around with don't see anything wrong in being selfish, or even egoistic. Some are greedy, use others to get what they want, gossip about others, backstab, do all sorts of things.

They hardly do any good. In fact, they don't do any good at all, but who am I to judge? I just wonder if they realise there's Someone up there watching.

I try to do what good I'm capable of, I know I'm capable of alot, but then...

I used to be ignorant, I still am when it comes to certain things, but I try to see the good in doing good.

I like what Icy said, and I'd probably tell you the same. At this point, I'm desperately searching for that 'balance point', and I hope I'll discover it. I've been thinking of creating a post on something similar to this too, from a rather different perspective, but can't seem to find the time.

[McKitty]

Vanakkam everyone,

Thank you for your posts, you are all really kind and knowledgable people. It's always a privilege to be able to discuss with people like you from all over the world, to discover that we all share the same things despite our different cultural backgrounds !

I gave some though about the idea of fully dedicate a lifetime to Mahadev, I first though like you Icy about balancing life, and I think it's a great idea!

Please correct me if I'm wrong, I recently heard about Swadharma (not sure if correct word) the explaination was, basically: if you a gifted a particularity/skill, consider it as prasad of God and follow the path, it will please him at most.

If you are gifted with musical talent, sport hability, medecine knowledge, then you have to follow that path. It's accepting prasad from God and will please him.

I have not been gifted with spiritual knoledge or background, but I realize now that my talent for painting and creativity is a gift from Mahadev. Everyday an artist experiment many things. Creation, destruction, obstacles and liberation are a part of my everyday life as a designer. Each character and world I create for a videogame is like giving birth. Seeing other people playing and getting attached to those worlds and characters is like seeing a child growing and smiling. It's also sharing a part of what came from your very soul.

Who am I to refuse the prasad from Mahadev himself ?

I think it's the same for all of us. We all receive prasad, there is for everyone...And I think if we realize what have been gifted to us by the Lord, we automatically found the way to go that will please him the most.

I love you all

Aum Namah Shivaya !