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Thread: I don't think I'm capable of love b/c I've never been in love -Psychology

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    I don't think I'm capable of love b/c I've never been in love -Psychology

    I realize this is going to sound completely sophomoric as I'm only 23 and everyone's going to say "it'll happen one day", or something like that, but I mean this in more of a psychological way. I was in the closet with my sexuality until I was about 21, and as a result I learned to be content with being alone. Don't get me wrong, I'm capable of being a friend and loving in that sense, and I'm capable of having empathy, but I feel like I've closed my heart off to any romantic notions, and as a result I've never been in love and pretty much have never even had a crush. Even in regards to loving someone in a friendly way, I often feel claustrophobic if I spend too much time being social. After hanging out I always need me time, and often if people are trying to communicate with me, I can't help but think *if I respond I'm going to have to spend a huge chunk of time talking to them, rather than have time to read/study (for the sake of self betterment)/appreciate art* etc.

    The psychologist Erik Erikson had a theory relating to stages of development, and said that during the Intimacy vs. Isolation stage (when you're around 20-24), if one didn't seek intimacy and romantic companionship they would have great difficulty doing it later on. I feel like because I haven't sought it out, I'm stuck in a position where I want to want to be in love, but am actually completely resistant to it and am incapable of being in love.

    It's kind of like the John Lennon song How lol ("How can I give love when I don't know what it is I'm giving? How can I give love when I just don't know how to give? How can I give love when love is something I ain't never had?").

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    Re: I don't think I'm capable of love b/c I've never been in love -Psychology

    I like the sound of that song. Really speaking love is not that impossible.

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    Re: I don't think I'm capable of love b/c I've never been in love -Psychology

    Namaste BloddyRose,

    Quote Originally Posted by BloodyRose3000 View Post
    I realize this is going to sound completely sophomoric as I'm only 23 and everyone's going to say "it'll happen one day", or something like that, but I mean this in more of a psychological way. I was in the closet with my sexuality until I was about 21, and as a result I learned to be content with being alone. Don't get me wrong, I'm capable of being a friend and loving in that sense, and I'm capable of having empathy, but I feel like I've closed my heart off to any romantic notions, and as a result I've never been in love and pretty much have never even had a crush. Even in regards to loving someone in a friendly way, I often feel claustrophobic if I spend too much time being social. After hanging out I always need me time, and often if people are trying to communicate with me, I can't help but think *if I respond I'm going to have to spend a huge chunk of time talking to them, rather than have time to read/study (for the sake of self betterment)/appreciate art* etc.

    The psychologist Erik Erikson had a theory relating to stages of development, and said that during the Intimacy vs. Isolation stage (when you're around 20-24), if one didn't seek intimacy and romantic companionship they would have great difficulty doing it later on. I feel like because I haven't sought it out, I'm stuck in a position where I want to want to be in love, but am actually completely resistant to it and am incapable of being in love.

    It's kind of like the John Lennon song How lol ("How can I give love when I don't know what it is I'm giving? How can I give love when I just don't know how to give? How can I give love when love is something I ain't never had?").
    You should really thank God with all sincerity that this awakening has come to you at such a tender age. All those things which promise to give us satisfaction in this world full of illusory happiness actually are painful and heart breaking alone. Why ? Because, you are seeking happiness which is actually not available in those things. First of all, why are you seeking happiness ... everlasting happiness at all ? Because, you have enjoyed this blissful experience earlier too. So, something extremely important thing is lost ... and you are searching for that ! You try to find it in food, sex, sleep, cars, houses etc. etc. but things give just some fleeting experience of happiness and then leave you disillusioned !

    You can never have true happiness until you find God ... until you realise who you are ... until you attain Self-realisation. This disillusionment is very much necessary ... unless you get disillusioned with fakes you will never try to seek the "real".

    So, don't be upset. You are absolutely normal ... in fact, better than the so-called "normal".

    OM
    "Om Namo Bhagvate Vaasudevaye"

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    Re: I don't think I'm capable of love b/c I've never been in love -Psychology

    Quote Originally Posted by BloodyRose3000 View Post
    The psychologist Erik Erikson had a theory relating to stages of development, and said that during the Intimacy vs. Isolation stage (when you're around 20-24), if one didn't seek intimacy and romantic companionship they would have great difficulty doing it later on. I feel like because I haven't sought it out, I'm stuck in a position where I want to want to be in love, but am actually completely resistant to it and am incapable of being in love.

    It's kind of like the John Lennon song How lol ("How can I give love when I don't know what it is I'm giving? How can I give love when I just don't know how to give? How can I give love when love is something I ain't never had?").
    BloodyRose,
    Don't believe in those theories of psychologist and psychiatrists..all of them are mere behaviour patterns concocted into theories with fancy names. Itsn't you are capable of being love or loved..it's just your love for yourself is greater than the supposedly love you get from others. This is quite normal..you think everyone who is alive has great loving romantic relationship with his or her partner..don't go by appearances. You should be joyful and happy
    ॐ महेश्वराय नमः

    || Om Namo Bhagavate Rudraya ||

    Hara Hara Mahadeva Shambo Shankara

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    Re: I don't think I'm capable of love b/c I've never been in love -Psychology

    Love does not exist in this world. What we call "love" in this world is really just a nice way of saying lust, or some other emotion demanding gratification.

    This is a very different concept from devotion. In devotion, specifically pure devotion aka bhakti, the devotee's love is not conditional on getting something in return. It flows uninterrupted and represents his or her natural state of being, unfettered by the deluding influence of matter. In this regard, I am reminded of a prayer written by the 16th century Vaishnava saint Sri Caitanya (from the shikShAShtakam):

    I know no one but Krishna as my Lord, and He shall remain so even if He handles me roughly by His embrace or makes me brokenhearted by not being present before me. He is completely free to do anything and everything, for He is always my worshipful Lord, unconditionally.

    Compared to that, where does "love" exist in this world? What we call "love" is just a pale reflection of the real stuff.

    regards,
    Philosoraptor

    "Wise men speak because they have something to say. Fools speak because they have to say something." - Plato

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    Re: I don't think I'm capable of love b/c I've never been in love -Psychology

    Quote Originally Posted by realdemigod View Post


    BloodyRose,
    Don't believe in those theories of psychologist and psychiatrists..all of them are mere behaviour patterns concocted into theories with fancy names. Itsn't you are capable of being love or loved..it's just your love for yourself is greater than the supposedly love you get from others. This is quite normal..you think everyone who is alive has great loving romantic relationship with his or her partner..don't go by appearances. You should be joyful and happy
    Indeed they are behavioral patterns, accurate ones that often predict the ways one will develop to some extent. That's not to say people fit to them to a T - they certainly don't, everyone's different - and it doesn't mean that you won't ever get over them either.

    Hmm, idk, I think it's important to try to "love others as you love yourself" (to quote the Christian scripture). It's not that I need some kind of love to complete me, and I most certainly don't think everyone in a relationship is happy (quite the opposite, actually.) But I still think that being in love, even if it's a passing one, is an experience that's important in life and helps people grow. Also, I'm very appreciative of what I have, and like I said, I've learned to be quite content with being along, so I am joyful and happy ;p.

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    Re: I don't think I'm capable of love b/c I've never been in love -Psychology

    Quote Originally Posted by philosoraptor View Post
    Love does not exist in this world. What we call "love" in this world is really just a nice way of saying lust, or some other emotion demanding gratification.
    ,
    I have to disagree. Look at the love a mother can have for a child, and how she'll give up her life for them, and then tell me that there's no love in the world.

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    Re: I don't think I'm capable of love b/c I've never been in love -Psychology

    Quote Originally Posted by philosoraptor View Post
    This is a very different concept from devotion. In devotion, specifically pure devotion aka bhakti, the devotee's love is not conditional on getting something in return. It flows uninterrupted and represents his or her natural state of being, unfettered by the deluding influence of matter. , for He is always my worshipful Lord, unconditionally.[/B][/I][/SIZE]

    Compared to that, where does "love" exist in this world? What we call "love" is just a pale reflection of the real stuff.

    regards,
    I'll agree that you can't compare divine love with earthly love.

  9. #9

    Re: I don't think I'm capable of love b/c I've never been in love -Psychology

    Quote Originally Posted by BloodyRose3000 View Post
    I have to disagree. Look at the love a mother can have for a child, and how she'll give up her life for them, and then tell me that there's no love in the world.
    Namaste,

    Yes, I agree that the love of a mother for her child is probably the noblest form of "love" we know on this material plane of existence. However, even this "love" pales in comparison to the divine, eternal, parental love of Yashoda and Nanda for Sri Krishna.

    regards,
    Philosoraptor

    "Wise men speak because they have something to say. Fools speak because they have to say something." - Plato

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