Facing a serious issue - help needed

[Obelisk]

Namaste everyone,

I'm posting this here because I really am not able to express it to anybody in offline life now. I've been facing some serious career-related problems for a few years now and the issue has been going from bad to worse since April. A certain person had been trying to 'help' me out this while, but I've been wanting to switch my options and opt for something else. However, my parents (who have been doing their best to help me, which I'll never be able to thank them enough for) trust him and wish for me to do what he wants.

Now, yesterday, he revealed that he's planned for me to leave for a distant, remote college for several months. It's the last thing I want to do, and yet my parents wholeheartedly want me to follow his instructions. It led to an argument, which had almost never happened till now, and I'm feeling seriously depressed and hopeless. I love my parents more than I will ever care about myself, and yet this is something I truly think is not in our best interest. It is turning out to be a no-win situation for me; if I refuse, they will be really disappointed and if I accept, my life will become a living hell. I'm seriously tired of this and don't know what to do.

I have been praying to Lord Hanuman, Ganesha and mother Durga for help since a long time, and yet I see nothing but darkness ahead of me. I don't know what sin I've committed to suffer like this. Could anybody please tell me if there's anything else I could do to plead God to get me out of this trouble? I only have a day or two left before the decision has to be made. Thanks for any help in advance, greatly appreciated.

[Arjuni]

Namast�,

Obelisk, it's very late here and I apologise if this response does not flow well. But I don't want to go to sleep without writing something, given that you're on a deadline.

My suggestion - along with your prayers, which of course do help - is to do a little research.
Are there any colleges or courses near you that offer similar studies? Is there any training at all that you could get in your area, or nearer to home than this remote location, maybe a college that you would like better? Or education online, or by correspondence?

Education is what you make of it: You learn by reading, studying, listening, and observing, and these you can do anywhere. It's not the reputation or location of the college that matters, but the dedication and worthiness of the student - and if you don't have the determination to learn and succeed, you won't find that quality in some distant place. Why, then, the trouble and expense to go far away?

Try to find a course you would rather follow. Write up a study plan, and show your parents what you wish to do, instead. Give them another option. Most importantly, tell them that you do care about your future, and want very much to learn and work hard - and that you feel you can best accomplish that by staying in a familiar place, with the support of your family and friends.
Try to tell them just what you've written here: that you love them dearly, you don't want to fight with them or disappoint them, and also that you can't bear to go far away. Discuss why they want you to go, and try to work together with them to find a solution (without this other person's presence, if possible).

I hope other forumites will have good suggestions. (And please forgive me if this doesn't help at all.) Heading to sleep but keeping you in my thoughts.

Indraneela
===
Oṁ Indrāya Namaḥ.
Oṁ Namaḥ Śivāya.

[Viraja]

I don't have much to add other than what Indraneela has already said.

The only question I have which you might probably are not in a position to tell now are "Why is the other distant college impossible though it is just for a few months?".

I know time is gold, but there is the option of dropping out just for a short while and continuing later - when every other option fails. (My nephew did just that after high-school, he was bothered immensely by an illness that he joined college an year later). I know your parents may not agree with this idea, you might not want to lose the finances you tied up to the present course... but just considering an alternative for you.

I wish you immense amount of good luck.

[Eastern Mind]

Vannakkam Obelisk: I'm sorry to hear the stuff you're going through. I think Indraneela offered up some good practical suggestions.

You should also know that yours is a common situation that many young people face. Your parents and you disagree, and not wanting to disappoint them, yet really having desires different from their picture. It can get really tough.

A few weeks back I was visiting some new friends, both in the medical profession, and wanting to see their son follow through along the same line. However, his passion was music. So they told me the dispute (arguing, disharmony, I'm sure you know the scene) went on 5 or 6 years. he basically refused, and proceeded towards his passion. But it took some convincing. But now that he's enrolled in one of America's finest prestigious music schools, they're fine with it. But it took awhile.)

This situation goes on in many families, more particularly in some cultures than others. Once people take honest looks, and distance themselves emotionally, it can get easier. Not knowing your specifics, or you personally doesn't help.

Do you have an uncle or aunt, or someone close to the family that might be able to see both sides? Surely there is a compromise somewhere, where all parties can be at least 'okay' with it.

Best wishes.

Aum Namasivaya

[Twilightdance]

Namaste everyone,

I'm posting this here because I really am not able to express it to anybody in offline life now. I've been facing some serious career-related problems for a few years now and the issue has been going from bad to worse since April. A certain person had been trying to 'help' me out this while, but I've been wanting to switch my options and opt for something else. However, my parents (who have been doing their best to help me, which I'll never be able to thank them enough for) trust him and wish for me to do what he wants.

Now, yesterday, he revealed that he's planned for me to leave for a distant, remote college for several months. It's the last thing I want to do, and yet my parents wholeheartedly want me to follow his instructions. It led to an argument, which had almost never happened till now, and I'm feeling seriously depressed and hopeless. I love my parents more than I will ever care about myself, and yet this is something I truly think is not in our best interest. It is turning out to be a no-win situation for me; if I refuse, they will be really disappointed and if I accept, my life will become a living hell. I'm seriously tired of this and don't know what to do.

I have been praying to Lord Hanuman, Ganesha and mother Durga for help since a long time, and yet I see nothing but darkness ahead of me. I don't know what sin I've committed to suffer like this. Could anybody please tell me if there's anything else I could do to plead God to get me out of this trouble? I only have a day or two left before the decision has to be made. Thanks for any help in advance, greatly appreciated.

This is too abstract to offer any practical opinion. While emotional matters w.r.t parents must be important, w/o knowing what thing exactly you are made to opt for, there cannot be any serious advice.

In your situation - I would seek multiple opinions from different individuals to validate the choice and its worth. If you can gather enough evidence that the choice laid out before you by this gentleman is not worth it - it might be easy to convince parents.

Finally, 23 years is also quite 'old' to be going by parental advice on these matters-5 years since high school, but why am I not surprised.

[Obelisk]

Thanks a lot for your kind advice, everyone. I've considered it all and am trying to work it out.